What type of abuse do you put up with?

[lagsalot]

Hey everyone.

 

I was just wondering what some others might put up with from their significant other in there relationship. Right now I'm dealing with lots of problems in my relationship. I love the girl to death, but things have not changed in over a year. I'm just getting tired of bending over backwards trying to make this girl happy to no avail. I stay around because I try to give her the benefit of the doubt, and hope that things will change. But my patentience has just about reached its limits.

 

Some of the things I'm dealing with are..

 

1. Alcoholism

2. Depression

3. Abuse, both physical and mental. She blackened my eye and bruised the entire left side of my face about 2 weeks ago. And no, I would never lay a unloving hand on a woman.

 

I've been trying to get her to go to counsling for quite some time. She was rapped when she was 13, and I try to be understanding of that. But if she is unwilling to get help, or try to overcome her problems, whats a guy to do?

 

Am I just being a a hole? Not being understanding? Or stupid for not getting out of this relationship earlier?

[lonelyandblue]

I put up with

 

1) alcoholism

2)Yelling in my face

3) He pushes me

4) He grabs my throat

5)He threatens that if I leave he will kill me.

6) My own depression

7)Etc.

 

 

Too much. For some reason i am still here???

[lagsalot]

I'm so sorry.. I don't understand some people.

 

I'll also throw in the fact that we got in a fight one night, I said I was leaving. While I'm packing my stuff she goes into the bathroom and downs a bottle of Vicoden and Tylenol3..

 

So now I also have to give consideration to the fact that she very well could kill herself if I do leave.

 

I know it wouldn't be my fault entirely.. But how could I not think that I could have prevented such a thing by sticking around? Ugh...

[SilverSurfer]

lagsalot,

 

IMO, no one deserves to be in an abusive relationship. We're just hurting ourselves by staying in one, and if no therapy is sought, the abuser will find it difficult to change. it's a lose-lose situation.

 

but i'd like to point out that some people do choose to remain in an abusive relationship... e.g. when children are involved, or when the abuser is able to fess up and seek out therapy.

 

you will have to decide if you can accept your gf's behaviour and if this is what you want. do not hope for her to change; these things take a long time, even with therapy and it's not your responsibility to change her; it's ultimately hers. if she makes leaving the relationship difficult, you could perhaps enlist the help of a friend to keep an eye on her... and when you do decide to leave, do so firmly without looking back.

 

putting up with abuse isn't an easy thing, you've definitely been more than just understanding! realise that perhaps she's been blaming you for the problems in the relationship, but in actuality, it's her behaviour that's making the relationship not work.

 

you might also want to seek some counseling yourself; the counselor could work with you to perhaps improve things, or to explore methods to bring your gf to counseling.

[lady00]

It sounds to me like both of the first too posters are putting up with way too much. It really isn't fair. You don't deserve the constant abuse...you deserved to be loved and appreciated. If they threaten to kill themselves when you leave, you need to realize that whatever they do, it's their decision. No one should ever try and manipulate you like that. If you want to leave, leave. Get a friend to come over if you need to or sneak away when they're out...do whatever you can to just get out of the relationship...you deserve so much more!

[ComputerGuy]

I agree.....get out now. There are plenty of guys and girls out there that WONT do this and out you through any sort of abuse. No one deserves to be treated the way you are being treated, and you can find someone who will treat you right.

[rosalind24]

=/ if anyone ever threatens me that they'd kill themselves if I leave them, I'd laugh in their face and say, "go do that, just don't tell me about it."

 

 

... but yeah... >_

 

don't put up with threats. Those aren't good for anybody.

[DBL]

I been in an abusive relationships before. I was removed from my school because my x slapped me up, I tried to walk away, but she kept hitting me in the head. So I turned around and slammed her into a locker. That was the only time I laid a hand on her, and at that point it was self-defense. I think I took about 50 blows to the back of the head trying to walk down the hall.

 

My take on this is probably not a popular one, but after the scenario above, my father told me "some women just like to be beat". Whether it makes them feel like they get attention or what I don't know. I don't think it is right to hit anyone unless you need to defend yourself.

 

DBL

[ComputerGuy]

I agree....I'd never hit a woman or try and hurt her....but in circumstances when self defence is needed, I would have no hesitation to restrain her. I dont mean hit her or anything....just stop her from attacking me.

 

Seriously, as I said in my last post, no one deserves this sort of treatment, a relationship is about repect and love.....how much love is there really if they need to beat you and beating you doesnt show any respect at all....so why bother with that sort of relationship???

[ReadyorNot]

I have been putting up with an alcoholic abusive mother since 1997.... I met my bf in 2000 and he saved me from her. He would come and get me if she was hurting me and verbally abusing me. He would pull her off of me and take me to his house for a few days....

 

Im still putting up with my mother being an alcholic and the verbal abuse but no physical abuse.... BUT NOW I am putting up with the same bf as above verbally abusing me. He calls me names all the time, and says he wants to get rid of me, and he hates me and everything else you can think of... and a few hours later or the next day he acts like nothing has happened... but i have all these scars on my heart from what he has said....

[rosalind24]

get away from him? You should always love yourself more than the person you're in love with. If you don't love yourself it's hard for other people to love you too. It's not easy living your life, and you don't need someone to make it harder.