Do the 50/50 of ''who pays on the date ever work out''?

[Coily]

On the 50/50 thing, in my own nebulous situation she initially wanted to pay for her share and I flatly refused; however I offered that she pay for the next meal, and this back and forth works for us. Though I do try and steer us to cheaper places when she pays out of concern for her finances.

 

Thanks Mhowe, it is increasingly difficult to be a gentleman (not that I always succeed) since it is perceived as weak or needy by enough women. Not yet breaking 30, I find myself being dismissed because I genuinely try to be nice toward all women, so it is easy to retreat into the habits Kitty mentions.

[Angler]

Yes, there are but in this day and age, more men than not are living off their parents, playing videogames until the wee hours,

hanging with their boys although they and their boys are actually 40 something year old men. They only push the revolving door

hard enough to squeeze through. don't look behind them. Run into the elevator first like a 4 year old little girl. Just some examples

of "today's men"...lol

 

Totally incorrect.

 

A more accurate statement would be that more and more of the men you have in your social circles or encounter are behaving this way.

[kitty1223]

It's called going on a first date. making a good impression. you know, all that jazz.

 

Bottom line, if you want to be treated like a delicate little flower, you ain't getting the girl. sorry if it sounds wrong to say that, but you can't change

the laws of attraction--at the same time, I'l go dutch with you once, maybe twice. by the third, you'll be the guy I call/text when I'm bored and we can talk about the latest Housewives episode together.

 

Good luck to the op...

[guynextdoor]

It's called going on a first date. making a good impression. you know, all that jazz.

 

Bottom line, if you want to be treated like a delicate little flower, you ain't getting the girl. sorry if it sounds wrong to say that, but you can't change

the laws of attraction--at the same time, I'l go dutch with you once, maybe twice. by the third, you'll be the guy I call/text when I'm bored and we can talk about the latest Housewives episode together.

 

Good luck to the op...

 

And what makes you think there would be a 3rd date?? Maybe by the 2nd date he doesn't find YOU attractive. Laws of attraction works both ways

[Angler]

it is increasingly difficult to be a gentleman (not that I always succeed) since it is perceived as weak or needy by enough women. Not yet breaking 30, I find myself being dismissed because I genuinely try to be nice toward all women, so it is easy to retreat into the habits Kitty mentions.

 

Manners, tact, and grace are never weak.

 

Think James Bond, not Ned Flanders.

[kitty1223]

And what makes you think there would be a 3rd date?? Maybe by the 2nd date he doesn't find YOU attractive. Laws of attraction works both ways

 

lol! touche! it's never actually happened to me, but when/if it does, i'll fondly think of this post and say darn that Angler was right! haha

[Angler]

lol! touche! it's never actually happened to me, but when/if it does, i'll fondly think of this post and say darn that Angler was right! haha

 

Hey, what did I do!? I said I always pay early on!

[FathomFear]

It's called going on a first date. making a good impression. you know, all that jazz.

 

Bottom line, if you want to be treated like a delicate little flower, you ain't getting the girl. sorry if it sounds wrong to say that, but you can't change

the laws of attraction--at the same time, I'l go dutch with you once, maybe twice. by the third, you'll be the guy I call/text when I'm bored and we can talk about the latest Housewives episode together.

 

Good luck to the op...

 

I'm not sure I understand what you're saying. How does paying 50/50 suddenly turn a guy into a "delicate flower" who you would have no interest in beyond chatting about TV dramas?

 

I think it's important to keep in mind that these statements sound just like "Bottom line, if you don't want to be barefoot in the kitchen, don't expect a husband". It's easy to spout crass statements when you're the one who's benefiting, but as you can see they don't sound so fun when you're on the opposite end.

[journeynow]

Yes, it can work fine. I don't think the outcome with your ex is necessarily related to paying 50/50 on your first date, nor do I think having your meal paid for by your date is an indication your relationship will become long-term and healthy. They are different pieces of the whole picture.

[guynextdoor]

lol! touche! it's never actually happened to me, but when/if it does, i'll fondly think of this post and say darn that Angler was right! haha

 

Time will tell but in the mean time I would like to get proper credit instead of my counter partner Angler.

[Godel]

It's called going on a first date. making a good impression. you know, all that jazz.

 

Bottom line, if you want to be treated like a delicate little flower, you ain't getting the girl. sorry if it sounds wrong to say that, but you can't change

the laws of attraction--at the same time, I'l go dutch with you once, maybe twice. by the third, you'll be the guy I call/text when I'm bored and we can talk about the latest Housewives episode together.

 

Good luck to the op...

 

I hate to agree with this, but it is the way the board is laid out. It has nothing to do with fairness, in spite of what some people seem to think it has nothing to do with manners, and in certainly has nothing to do with decency. It's biology and social convention. It sucks, but that's how it is.

[Angler]

It's biology and social convention. It sucks, but that's how it is.

 

Don't complain bro.

 

We got off REALLLLY easy with the child-birthing arrangement.

 

I can buy dinner.

[journeynow]

On the 50/50 thing, in my own nebulous situation she initially wanted to pay for her share and I flatly refused; however I offered that she pay for the next meal, and this back and forth works for us. Though I do try and steer us to cheaper places when she pays out of concern for her finances.

 

Thanks Mhowe, it is increasingly difficult to be a gentleman (not that I always succeed) since it is perceived as weak or needy by enough women. Not yet breaking 30, I find myself being dismissed because I genuinely try to be nice toward all women, so it is easy to retreat into the habits Kitty mentions.

 

Or this^. I like taking turns treating each other. It's nice to treat someone you care for to a meal, and it's nice to be treated to a meal.

[FathomFear]

I hate to agree with this, but it is the way the board is laid out. It has nothing to do with fairness, in spite of what some people seem to think it has nothing to do with manners, and in certainly has nothing to do with decency. It's biology and social convention. It sucks, but that's how it is.

 

But that actually isn't true at all. Modern dating conventions are in fact, well, modern. They haven't been around forever. Just Google "The history of dating" and it will be very clear that the modes and conventions practiced today are nothing like what they were as recent as a century ago. And it will probably be even more different a century from now.

 

It's always important to resist the "It's always been this way, so I shouldn't question it" mentality. As a quick history lesson shows that it's simply not true.

[Godel]

Don't complain bro.

 

We got off REALLLLY easy with the child-birthing arrangement.

 

I can buy dinner.

 

LOL, excellent point.

[mhowe]

Don't complain bro.

 

We got off REALLLLY easy with the child-birthing arrangement.

 

I can buy dinner.

 

Even if I won't bear your children?

[Godel]

But that actually isn't true at all. Modern dating conventions are in fact, well, modern. They haven't been around forever. Just Google "The history of dating" and it will be very clear that the modes and conventions practiced today are nothing like what they were as recent as a century ago. And it will probably be even more different a century from now.

 

It's always important to resist the "It's always been this way, so I shouldn't question it" mentality. As a quick history lesson shows that it's simply not true.

 

Oh, it's changed a lot. Dating now is way different than when I was a kid (i'm so old!). But I don't think it will ever be an even split, particularly at the beginning of the relationship. I think the imbalance is actually instinctive, women are simply more biologically valuable than men.

[mhowe]

Oh, it's changed a lot. Dating now is way different than when I was a kid (i'm so old!). But I don't think it will ever be an even split, particularly at the beginning of the relationship. I think the imbalance is actually instinctive, women are simply more biologically valuable than men.

 

I don't know -- I am pretty fond of what you guys bring to the table!

[yeawutever]

Even if I won't bear your children?

Same here. I don't really want kids.

[kitty1223]

guynextdoor and angler rock!!

[yeawutever]

I don't know -- I am pretty fond of what you guys bring to the table!

Yeah... what's the point of dating a guy that doesn't want to put an impression? That's the reason we take about an 1 hr to get dressed up. In a way we're impressing him too.

 

Guy not impressing us is similar to if I were to go all my way dressing up sloppy and poorly.

[FathomFear]

Oh, it's changed a lot. Dating now is way different than when I was a kid (i'm so old!). But I don't think it will ever be an even split, particularly at the beginning of the relationship. I think the imbalance is actually instinctive, women are simply more biologically valuable than men.

 

To be honest, I don't view people through the lens of evolutionary theory. We're not in caves. I'm not going to treat someone in a special manner under the guise of them being more "biologically valuable". And it's not really hard to live this way either. People resort to old conventions out of habit more than anything else.

[mhowe]

This is getting off topic (not that I care!) --- but you just have to set boundaries in any relationship, and realize when they have been crossed.

[yeawutever]

This is getting off topic (not that I care!) --- but you just have to set boundaries in any relationship, and realize when they have been crossed.

True. Don't know what made me put up with his nonsense for sooo long. It's like I saw how I was being crossed. My gut instinct was telling me already when things didn't seem right but I would ignored it.

[Angler]

Even if I won't bear your children?

 

I'll buy you dinner anytime

 

Same here. I don't really want kids.

 

The desire to have or not have children is something that usually comes out early enough, and with internet dating, it's a pretty standard profile category.

 

If a girl doesn't want children, then we're not going to make it to the comfortable 50/50 phase, so it's a moot point...a few dinner bills in the meantime...no sweat.