DONT EVER TAK YOUR EX BACK. THIS IS WHY.

[Hotboy645]

I have been on this site now for 3 months. I went through a terrible break up with my ex. We were together for 9 years and she left me for good reasons. I messed up a few times in the relationships. Yea we had great times and bad ones. We also have a beautiful child together. But what people need to realize is that once someone leaves you there mind is set. Don't use the NC rule to get them back, use it to get you DAM life back. Don't stalk, don't call, don't beg and act like you don't give a dam. Because you will build your self esteem. I went through 3 months of chasing her. I tried the NC rule and she called me telling me she missed me.

 

I was still weak and started to come around and she pulled the I need space move again. All that did was hurt me more and I went back to being miserable and depressed. I continued to call asking why would you bring me in and kick me out again. Then you know what happened reality set in. This person is no longer interested in you anymore. Move on with your life and never think about taking that person back. Right now I am dealing with a female I have grown to like. Sometimes I say to myself if my ex comes back I will leave this girl. But does that make sense.

 

Why go back to old drama? That person no longer loves you anymore thats why they left you. Nobody should allow someone to leave them and be able to walk back into their life after they learned that the grass is not greener on the other side.

 

Please take my advice anyone who reads this.

1. Move on

2. Date as much as you can it makes you feel so much better

3. Learn from your mistakes (The most important)

4. Don't allow anyone to string you along.

5. Act like you don't care even if you do

 

Trust me this works. Not to get your ex back but to get your life back. If it is meant to be then MAYBE it will come back. But 9 out of 10 times that person does not come back. Especially if you showed signs of weakness when they broke up with you.

[Ated]

Agreed!~ 8)

[meeso]

i completely agree.....even though i got my ex back but now things r not going so well and it really hurts but the good thing i managed to sort of get my life back a bit when we were on the break.... things r not good now and i dont know wut to do...

but i agree with u on every word....and dont leave the current female for ur ex if she ever comes back....i dont think thats a good idea ..think of it

[Ated]

If the ex did you wrong, then definitely do NOT go back...

 

But if you did them wrong, then prove yourself.

 

"First chances are gives, second chances earned, third chance do NOT exist!"

 

I believe that if it didn't work the first time, it's gonna be twuce as hard to make it work a second time cos of your history together...

 

Hmmm I still agree with not going back! lol Look ahead!!! Move forward!!!

[bored]

good one i like the way u think...but easier said than done

[Ated]

Oh man, this guy hurt me sooo bad, i woulndt even give him a second chance! lol

 

I will seriously choose who ever i date carefully. I chose my ex for the right reasons and i dated him with whole heart and was so loyal. Almost the 'perfect' g/f to be honest. Til' the day he started to lie to me, made me insecure and then that's when it got out of hand. After that, he dumped me for some girl that he knew liked him already when we were still dating. Such a slap in the facem but was a true wake up call.

 

No man, from my bitter experience, if u don't want to EARN your second chance, then cccccccc yaaaaaaaaa! This guy taught me not to settle for second best.

[CarterJonas]

good post Hotboy645, totally agree with you

[Hotboy645]

Yea, it was time for me to write this. Most members on this board live with hope of getting their ex back. Forget about it honestly get your life back. If that person loved you as much as you loved them they would attempted to work it out before throwing it away. Live is way too short to stop your life for another individual. I know it is not easy but the longer you continue to live with hope, the longer it will take for you to gain yourself confidence. Please feel free to messaeg me. I love giving advice

[Ated]

haha! Your really sweet hotboy!

 

Thanks for the advice. Been a lot yourself huh?

 

I 100% agree with: "Live is way too short to stop your life for another individual. {who put you to hell}"

 

LOL

[Elliesonline]

Bored-

 

I agree with you. It is much easier said than done. I have never wanted my ex back, although he left me, but I know too many people who have pined for their ex long after the relationship was over. It is particularly painful for those who had a sordid personal history and a lot of emotional baggage.

 

I personally think that there is a purpose to everything in life. You have to go through the bottomless bin of rotten apples before you find one that is good.

 

So, be strong, choose wisely, and don't take back that rotten apple. You deserve better.

[fridolyn]

Just today, I realize that I dont want her back. Yes I still care for her and everything but that's enough. She just found someone new 3 weeks ago. It affected me but today I have never been that free for the last 9 months. It feels great and I want to thank my ex for breaking up because it had to happen first and second and most important, I've learned more things about me, life, love in these 9 months than in 33 years. Thank you again!!! I just hope I will feel that way tomorrow.

 

 

***English is my second language***

[Foz]

If that person loved you as much as you loved them they would attempted to work it out before throwing it away

 

i so agree, i had hope that he would come back but now i do think i loved him more than he ever loved me, and i want to be with someone who loves me no matter what and takes the bad with the good, not just walk out on me because they couldnt be bothered when things went through a rough patch..

the whole sorry saga is on the breaking up Forum under "please help me i am completely brokenhearted"

in a nutshell he destroyed me, gave me false hope and then one month later said his decision was still the same. it was like he dumped me all over again. Now i dont think i would ever take him back because of all the hurt he has caused me and also because of the nasty way he did it and everything he did and said since. for sure i miss him and sometimes when i feel like that i want him as a friend but that is just cos im feeling low and its still early stages (5 weeks) but really i could never trust him again...

[fantasia2004]

they may be enjoying solitude or partying or what ever even a new flame but they are thinking at one point or another, about you . Don't think it hAS NOT CROSSED THEIR MINDS. tRUST ME I KNOW. The grass is not always greener on the other side. But yes I agree some of us pin to long for our exes and others move on which is a good thing.

[meeso]

yah my ex hurt me bad and we got back together after a short break up things went good for a while but as u said its hard to forget the problems u had b4 breaking up and then things started again and now i think hes gone...he said it to me that he would be lookin for someone as soon as possible..i kept on holdin on to him so bad...i never wanted to let go i still dont want to let go i loved him so much and was soo loayl to him seriously even when he wasnt at some stage...but htings happen they do think of us after they leave us and when they c we're gettin on so well they'll come crawling back thats what i believe...but u never know u can get chances again

right now i still wanna be with him and just hope things will be ok but yet i know theres no chance...

and as u guys say life goes on...life is to short to waste it on one person

[roxy79]

Sorry but I will have to disagree here.

 

Hotboy wrote: "The person no longer loves you, that is why they left you."

I do not agree with that one bit. You don't know WHY the really left you. Only they know the true reasons. They may tell you one thing but in reality may have a different reason rollin' around in their own head. Yes it is healthiest to stop worrying about if they going to come back or not. It healthiest to stop analizing and reading into little things. It is best to just go about your life. But to tell yourself that they no longer love you or they have stopped loving you, that's not a fair conclusion and I don't believe people should buy into that.

 

There could have been a million reasons why THEY decided to call things off. And only that person knows the real reason. Please do not assume someone breaks up with a person because they stopped loving you. That's not true at all.

[hockeyboy]

i dont know if i agree with that. i guess it depends on your definition of love. many people will characterize it in many ways.

[fantasia2004]

well whether you agree or not give it up if it is pointing to nowhere and put an end to it . BECAUSE IT HURTS LIKE HELL AND GETS PLAYED OVER LIKE A BROKEN RECORD.

[jchan]

the better thing to do

is not even think about it at all. it's hard i know. i'm going through the same crud.

 

the best solution is the NC since it'll give you time to forget about them. it allows you to not catch up with them. and it shows them that you don't care. because when you think of em in addition to the things that happened. it'll only hurt even more.

[Ated]

WELL they make it so hard if they contact you. my ex called me last sat (after 5 motnhs) to tell me hes got a new gf... and he called me 6 times. I didnt know it was him... so i picked up. Its so funny cos he was the one who was VERY HARSH to me at the break up. I even had to beg for his frienship... But when he called, he said he wanted to be friends... whats the deal??

 

He called me agian today, 3 times, last saturday 6 times. I was still in the healing process and then he calls out of the blue? And now i got all these questions in my head? what do i do?? I mean, i dun thikn he wants me back.. but why call me if he has a new gf?

[cmacey]

I don't know your exact situation ated, but when an ex tries to get you to still be friends, it usually means they're scared. They want you to still be around as a backup plan in case what they're doing doesn't work out. When my ex dumped me she said she needed to take a break, not breakup. I think it's because she didn't want to give up completely until she knew she was ok to move on and wanted me there as a cushion while she got her stuff together, and if she found someone else in the meantime, my always being there would give her confidence that she could always come back and be safe. You can't this safety to your ex, it allows them to move on with confidence and security and leaves you at the mercy of whatever they decide to do.

 

Chris

[Ated]

In this case, what do u suggest me do the next time he calls??

[cmacey]

I mean if you want to be friends with him, that's fine. But don't let him string you along, and don't act like you'd take him back as a boyfriend. Just be friendly and act happy. Don't tell him everything that's going on in your life, not knowing what you're doing drives a guy nuts if he's known exactly what you've been doing when he was going out with you. He may have started thinking about you again, and now just really wants your friendship which he probably misses, or he wants you as a safety net. If you just want to be his friend then pick up the phone and be a friend, if you want him back, don't talk to him for too long, let him lead the convo and don't talk about emotions and relationship stuff from when you were going out/broke up. Just talk about how happy you are.

 

Chris

[Ated]

DAMMIT! I asked him whether he ws totally over me when he called the first time... He of course said no. Damn im so silly. So what do i do now? I mean, of course he knows that i still care about him.

 

I have another post about revenge. I was wondering wat to do, whether to be friends with him so that when i do get a new bf he'll get jealous... or that i just tell him i don't want to be frineds cos when we broke up, he practically told me that he dun even want to be friends....

 

He also told me his new gf wants to meet me. how weird huh?

[ice7990]

from everything i have read, i still dont know wat to believe. they say that absense makes the heart grow fonder. that the dumper will think about the dumpee. but how can that be true if her feelings are for another. if when she said that she doesnt love you anymore and isnt attracted to you anymore, because she has feelings for another now...do you really think that she is still thinking of you??? of the good that you had and the love that was always there??

[Mix Maxster]

Ated,

Actually it's not weird. Why? Because chances are she wants to see who her "enemy" is. Her now bf is your ex and she wants to know why you two aren't together. If he tells her it's all you or that he wasn't attracted to her she's going to "find out". It could also be to see who's the better catch, you or her. So in other words, she probably wants to meet you to "size you up" I hear most women do that anyways.

 

ice7990,

What you said about absense is true when? You miss someone or someTHING. In other words, if the new guy is essentially another you but with better traits then his manerisms and behaviours might be similar to yours and might trigger that "Man that's what ___ used to do". Another thing is when the new person doesn't DO THOSE great thigns that YOU USED TO. Like she'll sit there and go "___ used to ALWAYS know how to rub me the right way when I was sore. I actually really miss those little things he did to make me happy." Get it? You'll only start missing someone when what's infront of them is lacking what you have. Vice-Versa, the person will go for what's infront of them when what they have is lacking.