cmacey
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Well, I wouldn't count on it becoming you getting back together. But I woudn't rule it out either. For now, just keep doing what you're doing, but don't stop acting like you're single when you aren't with her. If you can handle just being friends, then stay friends, I can't so I've had to do NC. Sounds like she's at least not scared to keep talking to you which is a good step, but you may end up in the friend category, you may not, either way being in close contact with them is the probably the best chance you have of getting them back, but don't set yourself up to get heartbroken again if you find out she just thinks of you as a friend now.
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Well, I don't really know much of your story except that you said you dumped him because your mom hated him. Was there any other reason why you did it? Don't just get back together withhim because you miss him. If he doesn't want to get back together than you have to move on. You're just starting college and although you may not feel like it right now, there are plenty of others out there who you will love in time. You have the perfect opportunity to get to know someone else just as well or better than you knew your ex. You can try to get him back, but if he doesn't want to too, then you need to move on, not necessarily start immediately goig out with someone else, but do stuff for yourself and be yourself and you will find someone else in time.
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Well, it is good to have some peace of mind and know that your ex is not seeing someone else. But at the same time, would you even really want to know that they've moved on completely? The best thing to do is try not to care whether or not she is seeing someone else and just leave her be. My ex kindly called one night to tell me that she had started seeing someone else, and I didn't want her to tell me that at all. I was moving on fine, and all it did was give her the satisfaction of knowing that I know that and didn't find out from someone else and then get mad at her for not telling me. It's weird. Either way, you're upset about it, but not knowing isn't any worse than knowing for sure. Just try to ignore it for now. You'll either eventually find out on your own she is seeing someone, or you won't, either way you gotta just try to move on without her.
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Well, my ex called me tonight to talk. She told me she likes a new guy. She's stupid, she doesn't know what she wants and is scared, and I got dumped in the wake. This kid's mom just died, I don't really give a *% what happens to him, but I hope she doesn't F him up royally too. In the meantime, I have to try and do well in my first year of law school. Lovely she told me this while im trying to get a giant paper done for tomorrow. I need some support here people. There's nothing about her that I can find is wrong or anything. There were no quirks or qualities that I didn't like. But anyway, I'm not gonna kill myself or anything over it. Just very sad about it. I still want her back, but I'm not talking to her until she tries to talk to me again I guess, and hopefully by then I'll be over her and hang up. Anyway, we talked about phases of love and I didnt try to convince her to come back at all, just told her good luck and talk to you later after a long conversation about how she always gets involved with guys who have never had a girlfriend before, and how they don't realize that this may happen. So, she's trying to figure out where to go to grad school, so is he i think along with trying to sort out his mom dying and stuff, but maybe things will work out for them. OH well, please advise. I know this probably didn't make much sense, but I'm pretty desperate. I don't know what to do. Maybe I should seek counseling. I need some sort of thoughts to think other than about my stupid naive ex. Chris
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how'd it go?
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My ex contacted me today, but i Think it's just cause she wants to stay friends. I did NC for only a week and then she imed me today and wanted to call. I'll be honest, I still do want her back, but the last couple of months have really helped me realize that I don't need her back. I'm just going to be greedy with my life when I talk to her and let her wonder what I'm doing. I'll listen to her and let her know how great I'm doing, but now that she's lonely and needs a friend I'm not gonna let her get that from me, I'll listen to her and hang up when I've finished hearing how miserably bored she is. Eventually, she'll want me back and realize the huge mistake she made. But, I probably won't be there for her anymore. So yeah in summary, NC is the way to go, both to feel better, and to get them back (as a relationship maybe), or to get them back (if you're the vengeful type and have gotten over them by the time they wake up and smell the coffee). Just my thoughts. Do the NC for yourself, and it just might wake them up.
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Need some advice to help save my sanity
cmacey replied to mnuttster's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Yeah i agree with Maynard here. If you do want her back you can't stay and let her know you'll always be there. I would just not get ahold of her and if she gets ahold of you just keep the conversations short and end them fast, talk about something other than your relationship and feelings. If she does decide she wants you back, deal with it then, not now. Don't keep the hope there, if you can get over her, do it, and if she comes back you may or may not still want her. Then you'll be the one making the decisions. I'm in a similar situation, except I just recently stopped contacting my ex about a week ago. She doesn't really contact me, and I know she still loves me, but needed time. I'm not focusing on her coming back, I hope she does, but I don't expect it and I'm moving forward with my life as fast as I can and if she does come back the decisions of what to do will be made then, not now. -
Well, it's a tough decision. On the one hand, it sounds like you haven't gotten involved too much with the brother yet, so it probably won't hurt him as much if you hurt his feelings. If Bob's the one that you really want, you really just have to follow your heart. I don't know what you did to hurt Bob before, but most likely if he keeps talking to you, he's aware that there's a chance that you'll hurt him again, and if it's important to him, he'll likely be willing to take that chance. My girlfriend broke up with me after two years of no problems and living together becuase i moved to NYC while she still has one yearleft of undergrad. I know if she wanted to try again I would, even though I'm well aware it might not work out agian and she might hurt me again. It's worth it to me, and it probably is to BOb too. Most guys don't continue to talk to girls that they have no interest in just to be friends unless that's all they ever were is friends.
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I'm all messed up-Can't get over break up with ex
cmacey replied to motoracer51's topic in Getting Back Together
You gotta force yourself to stop needing her it's unhealthy. You gotta do stuff for yourself now, not because she helped you do it. She's not with you anymore and you aren't living for her, you're living for yourself. I'm doing the same thing man. Everything I did I did for my ex not myself, and it's a weird feeling to all of a sudden not think about how proud they will be that you did this or that. You have to think, what do I want to do today? Not what should I do for my ex today? The less you need her, the better off you'll be. You have to realize that you don't need anyone and that the only one you need is yourself. -
You did the right thing
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What a lot of people will tell you, and what I will too, is that if he has these issues and doesn't think he can be with you even though he loves you, you have to let him be. He will miss you and he has a lot of stuff to figure out. If he really does love you, and you love him, he'll come back and you'll work it out and it will be very tough. If he doesn't come back then he just wasn't the one. In the meantime while he's sorting himself out, move on without perpetually hoping he's coming back. I'm going through the same sort of thing with my girlfriend except she broke up with me when I moved to NYC to go to law school and she stayed back at our undergrad school to finish her senior year. I don't think she's coming back, but by continuing to get ahold of her and ask her why etc it only forces her further away. So the best thing for you to do is to try to not contact him and let him make the next move. Don't fall apart and tell him how much you want him back etc when he does get ahold of you, just let him know that you're happy and you hope he's happy too.
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I think it sounds like she really may want you back, at this point, just do what you've been doing and allow her to come back on her own. If she realizes that she made a mistake and wants you back, she'll come running back to you faster than she left in the first place. If you pursue her though, she'll know she has you no matter what, and she'll feel safer not coming back. Don't call just to check and make sure she's ok, don't call to tell her how you feel, don't call to set up a date, NC! Wait it out man, that's what I'm doin right now too. If it doesn't work out, she wasn't the one for you, and my ex wasnt the one for me. If she doesn't come back, there's someone else out there that won't need to abandon you and will want to be with you forever and it may not be your ex. Chris
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I'm really hoping my ex gets back together with me, I still think it's a possibility. We had absolutely not one single problem the whole time we were together until I moved to NY for law school and she stayed at our undergrad college. After a few weeks, she says she's not sure if she wants to marry me and she wants to be single and needs a break. Who knows, one day she might come back, but I agree that it's not likely in most situations, including mine. But there is always a slight chance. Chris
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dude, she may just be stringing you along. She's probably scared of being single and just wants to keep you there while she's single so that she knows if it doesn't work out she can always come back. By being intimate with you and getting you to agree that you still want her back, she has you in her back pocket while she looks for something better. If she wants to be single, let her be single. If she really loves you, she'll come back. She probably just needs to find herself, and be free for a while, my ex is doing the same crap right now. Don't be there for her as a backup plan. Be happy, be confient, agree when she says being single is good, and then be gone so she doesn't feel so safe anymore. Chris
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Phoenix, I listened to track 2, it's good stuff man. I wouldn't give her a demo though, if your mutual friends have it, I'm sure she'll be interested in hearing it. Telling her here's a demo listen to it, is like revealing your emotions to her on purpose. Better to let her hear it on her own. I wish I had a createive outlet like that man, it probably does you a lot of good. Chris