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cmacey

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Everything posted by cmacey

  1. Well, I wouldn't count on it becoming you getting back together. But I woudn't rule it out either. For now, just keep doing what you're doing, but don't stop acting like you're single when you aren't with her. If you can handle just being friends, then stay friends, I can't so I've had to do NC. Sounds like she's at least not scared to keep talking to you which is a good step, but you may end up in the friend category, you may not, either way being in close contact with them is the probably the best chance you have of getting them back, but don't set yourself up to get heartbroken again if you find out she just thinks of you as a friend now.
  2. Well, I don't really know much of your story except that you said you dumped him because your mom hated him. Was there any other reason why you did it? Don't just get back together withhim because you miss him. If he doesn't want to get back together than you have to move on. You're just starting college and although you may not feel like it right now, there are plenty of others out there who you will love in time. You have the perfect opportunity to get to know someone else just as well or better than you knew your ex. You can try to get him back, but if he doesn't want to too, then you need to move on, not necessarily start immediately goig out with someone else, but do stuff for yourself and be yourself and you will find someone else in time.
  3. Well, it is good to have some peace of mind and know that your ex is not seeing someone else. But at the same time, would you even really want to know that they've moved on completely? The best thing to do is try not to care whether or not she is seeing someone else and just leave her be. My ex kindly called one night to tell me that she had started seeing someone else, and I didn't want her to tell me that at all. I was moving on fine, and all it did was give her the satisfaction of knowing that I know that and didn't find out from someone else and then get mad at her for not telling me. It's weird. Either way, you're upset about it, but not knowing isn't any worse than knowing for sure. Just try to ignore it for now. You'll either eventually find out on your own she is seeing someone, or you won't, either way you gotta just try to move on without her.
  4. Well, my ex called me tonight to talk. She told me she likes a new guy. She's stupid, she doesn't know what she wants and is scared, and I got dumped in the wake. This kid's mom just died, I don't really give a *% what happens to him, but I hope she doesn't F him up royally too. In the meantime, I have to try and do well in my first year of law school. Lovely she told me this while im trying to get a giant paper done for tomorrow. I need some support here people. There's nothing about her that I can find is wrong or anything. There were no quirks or qualities that I didn't like. But anyway, I'm not gonna kill myself or anything over it. Just very sad about it. I still want her back, but I'm not talking to her until she tries to talk to me again I guess, and hopefully by then I'll be over her and hang up. Anyway, we talked about phases of love and I didnt try to convince her to come back at all, just told her good luck and talk to you later after a long conversation about how she always gets involved with guys who have never had a girlfriend before, and how they don't realize that this may happen. So, she's trying to figure out where to go to grad school, so is he i think along with trying to sort out his mom dying and stuff, but maybe things will work out for them. OH well, please advise. I know this probably didn't make much sense, but I'm pretty desperate. I don't know what to do. Maybe I should seek counseling. I need some sort of thoughts to think other than about my stupid naive ex. Chris
  5. My ex contacted me today, but i Think it's just cause she wants to stay friends. I did NC for only a week and then she imed me today and wanted to call. I'll be honest, I still do want her back, but the last couple of months have really helped me realize that I don't need her back. I'm just going to be greedy with my life when I talk to her and let her wonder what I'm doing. I'll listen to her and let her know how great I'm doing, but now that she's lonely and needs a friend I'm not gonna let her get that from me, I'll listen to her and hang up when I've finished hearing how miserably bored she is. Eventually, she'll want me back and realize the huge mistake she made. But, I probably won't be there for her anymore. So yeah in summary, NC is the way to go, both to feel better, and to get them back (as a relationship maybe), or to get them back (if you're the vengeful type and have gotten over them by the time they wake up and smell the coffee). Just my thoughts. Do the NC for yourself, and it just might wake them up.
  6. Yeah i agree with Maynard here. If you do want her back you can't stay and let her know you'll always be there. I would just not get ahold of her and if she gets ahold of you just keep the conversations short and end them fast, talk about something other than your relationship and feelings. If she does decide she wants you back, deal with it then, not now. Don't keep the hope there, if you can get over her, do it, and if she comes back you may or may not still want her. Then you'll be the one making the decisions. I'm in a similar situation, except I just recently stopped contacting my ex about a week ago. She doesn't really contact me, and I know she still loves me, but needed time. I'm not focusing on her coming back, I hope she does, but I don't expect it and I'm moving forward with my life as fast as I can and if she does come back the decisions of what to do will be made then, not now.
  7. Well, it's a tough decision. On the one hand, it sounds like you haven't gotten involved too much with the brother yet, so it probably won't hurt him as much if you hurt his feelings. If Bob's the one that you really want, you really just have to follow your heart. I don't know what you did to hurt Bob before, but most likely if he keeps talking to you, he's aware that there's a chance that you'll hurt him again, and if it's important to him, he'll likely be willing to take that chance. My girlfriend broke up with me after two years of no problems and living together becuase i moved to NYC while she still has one yearleft of undergrad. I know if she wanted to try again I would, even though I'm well aware it might not work out agian and she might hurt me again. It's worth it to me, and it probably is to BOb too. Most guys don't continue to talk to girls that they have no interest in just to be friends unless that's all they ever were is friends.
  8. You gotta force yourself to stop needing her it's unhealthy. You gotta do stuff for yourself now, not because she helped you do it. She's not with you anymore and you aren't living for her, you're living for yourself. I'm doing the same thing man. Everything I did I did for my ex not myself, and it's a weird feeling to all of a sudden not think about how proud they will be that you did this or that. You have to think, what do I want to do today? Not what should I do for my ex today? The less you need her, the better off you'll be. You have to realize that you don't need anyone and that the only one you need is yourself.
  9. What a lot of people will tell you, and what I will too, is that if he has these issues and doesn't think he can be with you even though he loves you, you have to let him be. He will miss you and he has a lot of stuff to figure out. If he really does love you, and you love him, he'll come back and you'll work it out and it will be very tough. If he doesn't come back then he just wasn't the one. In the meantime while he's sorting himself out, move on without perpetually hoping he's coming back. I'm going through the same sort of thing with my girlfriend except she broke up with me when I moved to NYC to go to law school and she stayed back at our undergrad school to finish her senior year. I don't think she's coming back, but by continuing to get ahold of her and ask her why etc it only forces her further away. So the best thing for you to do is to try to not contact him and let him make the next move. Don't fall apart and tell him how much you want him back etc when he does get ahold of you, just let him know that you're happy and you hope he's happy too.
  10. I think it sounds like she really may want you back, at this point, just do what you've been doing and allow her to come back on her own. If she realizes that she made a mistake and wants you back, she'll come running back to you faster than she left in the first place. If you pursue her though, she'll know she has you no matter what, and she'll feel safer not coming back. Don't call just to check and make sure she's ok, don't call to tell her how you feel, don't call to set up a date, NC! Wait it out man, that's what I'm doin right now too. If it doesn't work out, she wasn't the one for you, and my ex wasnt the one for me. If she doesn't come back, there's someone else out there that won't need to abandon you and will want to be with you forever and it may not be your ex. Chris
  11. I'm really hoping my ex gets back together with me, I still think it's a possibility. We had absolutely not one single problem the whole time we were together until I moved to NY for law school and she stayed at our undergrad college. After a few weeks, she says she's not sure if she wants to marry me and she wants to be single and needs a break. Who knows, one day she might come back, but I agree that it's not likely in most situations, including mine. But there is always a slight chance. Chris
  12. dude, she may just be stringing you along. She's probably scared of being single and just wants to keep you there while she's single so that she knows if it doesn't work out she can always come back. By being intimate with you and getting you to agree that you still want her back, she has you in her back pocket while she looks for something better. If she wants to be single, let her be single. If she really loves you, she'll come back. She probably just needs to find herself, and be free for a while, my ex is doing the same crap right now. Don't be there for her as a backup plan. Be happy, be confient, agree when she says being single is good, and then be gone so she doesn't feel so safe anymore. Chris
  13. Phoenix, I listened to track 2, it's good stuff man. I wouldn't give her a demo though, if your mutual friends have it, I'm sure she'll be interested in hearing it. Telling her here's a demo listen to it, is like revealing your emotions to her on purpose. Better to let her hear it on her own. I wish I had a createive outlet like that man, it probably does you a lot of good. Chris
  14. I would suggest you definetly date some girls again, it makes you feel so much better. Even though to you they won't live up to her right away, they help you to forget. Don't look for anything serious though, cause anyone you date right now is just a rebound and you don't want to hurt someone else just to make yourself feel better. But dating would definetly be a good idea, and it may make your ex jealous enough to try to get you back a little harder.
  15. I mean if you want to be friends with him, that's fine. But don't let him string you along, and don't act like you'd take him back as a boyfriend. Just be friendly and act happy. Don't tell him everything that's going on in your life, not knowing what you're doing drives a guy nuts if he's known exactly what you've been doing when he was going out with you. He may have started thinking about you again, and now just really wants your friendship which he probably misses, or he wants you as a safety net. If you just want to be his friend then pick up the phone and be a friend, if you want him back, don't talk to him for too long, let him lead the convo and don't talk about emotions and relationship stuff from when you were going out/broke up. Just talk about how happy you are. Chris
  16. Sounds like you're doing a good job of trying not to think about her which is a good thing. You can't really do much to get her back at this point, I'm not really all that religious, but it's in God's hands now. Just be yourself and act happy when you finally do have to see her in class, let her lead the conversation if there is one and remain somewhat mysterious and happy. Chris
  17. I don't know your exact situation ated, but when an ex tries to get you to still be friends, it usually means they're scared. They want you to still be around as a backup plan in case what they're doing doesn't work out. When my ex dumped me she said she needed to take a break, not breakup. I think it's because she didn't want to give up completely until she knew she was ok to move on and wanted me there as a cushion while she got her stuff together, and if she found someone else in the meantime, my always being there would give her confidence that she could always come back and be safe. You can't this safety to your ex, it allows them to move on with confidence and security and leaves you at the mercy of whatever they decide to do. Chris
  18. Exactly, I'm goin through the same thing man. And every day it's a struggle to not get ahold of her. I actually got ahold of her today, I broke down, moment of weakness, but I didn't profess my love or anything, just said hi, little chit chat etc. I know I should stop though, cause I know she still feels guilty about it, which is just pushing her further away as all her friends probably tell her she's doing the right thing, every time I talk to her it probably reminds her of her guilt rather than her love she used to have and maybe still does. So yeah, I guess this post was a little too much, but in summary...guilt = bad
  19. You def shouldn't pressure her to make a decision, like don't call unless you want me back. Just let her do that on her own. If she wants you back she will get ahold of you. If she doesn't, telling her to call you only if she wants you back likely makes her feel pressured and makes her scared of hurting you if she does have feelings still and she calls but doesn't want to go back right where it was when you left off. If she does come back, likely it won't be just like it was when you left off, it's gonna be like you just started dating again. Keep that in mind, there won't be a complete 180 at this point. It's gonna take time, give her all she needs but move on until then and if it happens deal with it then, cause you can't do much about it right now.
  20. Please listen to what craigblitz said. You probably shouldn't even be meeting her at this point. Before you can even have a normal conversation with her, you have to be out of the phase where all you want to talk about is your feelings and your relationship. I will re-emphasize this, do not be the one to bring up feelings etc. If she wants to talk about it, let her bring it up. Otherwise just act happy and that's your best gameplan for her remembering how much she loved you.
  21. Thanks for the support and advice, I'm really having a tough time right now not calling up my ex and seeing how she's doing and trying to clarify my letter I sent her telling her I was happy and feeling a lot better and don't need her anymore. I know I shouldn't, so I think I can manage to avoid it. But the way she is, she'll be able to get over me pretty easily I think, and I don't want her to think I'm not in love with her anymore, but at the same time I don't want to tell her I love her so she thinks I'm there as a backup. It's very confusing and I don't know whether to continue doing the let her contact me then remain only having short superficial converstations thing. I don't think I need no contact right now for myself, because I really believe I don't need her anymore, I just want her back. Not needing her helps a lot when I talk to her and she doesn't say she wants me back, but I feel like if I don't contact her she may miss me. At the same time I fear not contacting her will make it easy for her to move on. It's long distance now, so I would only see her randomly if I go visit my friends from college who are also her friends. I will be seeing her in about a week at my college homecoming though, and I could use all the advice I can get for what to do/say and whether or not keeping it very brief is a good idea, which is my plan for now.
  22. I'm having a meeting with my ex in a week or so too. We aren't meeting for a date or anything and I'll probably only talk to her for like 10 minutes or so unless she decides to keep it going. Just keep in mind what all these people have been telling you though, because the last thing you want to do is let her know you still love her unless she lets you know first. If you make her feel guilty or let her know you'll always be there for her, it's weird to comprehend, but it will just push her further away for fear of her hurting you, fear that you need her in order to be a whole person (which you really don't, you may think you do, but you don't), and additionally, it lets her know that she can move on without fear of losing you forever, which is a comfortable feeling for the dumper. Just act happy, act carefree and keep the conversation away from the relationship unless she leads it there first, and then only answer briefly, dont go into some long winded thing about how much you two were meant to be together etc. Hope this helps, although I think what everyone else has said has also covered it pretty well. Give a post back and let us know how it went, cause I especially will be interested to see what happenned so I can add it to my strategy for what I'm going to say and do. Best of Luck, let us know.
  23. Making her feel guilty is the absolute wrong way to go. If she does love you, you can't cloud her decision making by making her feel guilty. Even if the guilt overwhelms her and makes her come back to you, it wouldn't even be real then and this would probably just happen again. Guilt also sometimes makes people focus on the negatives and reasons they shouldn't feel guilty about breaking up, so your best bet is either to not contact her so she misses you and realizes she loves you for who you are, or try to stay in contact and act happy. Nothing is more attractive to an ex than seeing that their ex is happy without them. That makes them wonder why they ever broke up with you to begin with. Even if you aren't happy, act calm, happy and carefree. Don't go with the guilt trip though, and no, I haven't read all your posts yet cause they were too long, but I'll try to go back and read them now
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