I don't think I understand "flirting"

[MattW]

Keep in mind, I don't date, or actively try to "flirt" with girls, but I do observe a lot, and I gotta say, I don't really understand it. For instance, one of the bigger things I've noticed is guys commenting on girls' physical features (and I mean things like "You have nice boobs" or "You have a nice butt"); from my perspective, if I were a girl, and a guy I kinda knew told me I had nice boobs, I'd probably either be weirded out and stay away from him, or I'd be angry and tell him off. Yet, it seems like it's a non-issue; that's not to say the girls I've seen react positively to this kind of thing, but that they don't seem to react at all. It's as if the guy said something as nonchalant as "The weather is nice today". And these aren't the trashy "jump in bed with every guy they meet" girls, these are just regular girls I know.

 

I mean, I know we're in a period of time where people are a lot more open and lax with their sexuality, but I don't get it. Heck, I see my one friend flirt with girls all the time, and he often tells them they're cute or attractive or whatever (basically, not being as overt as saying "You have nice boobs"), and that usually gets a positive response, and even that kinda weirds me out. I dunno, maybe I'm just "prude" or uptight, or something, or maybe I'm just completely out of touch with flirting/ women. It just doesn't make much sense to me.

 

And I know, everyone is going to have their own unique responses to hearing certain things, and stuff, but generally speaking, I just don't feel like I understand it. Yanno?

[BrianH46]

It's something that quite frankly is very bizarre if you have never done it before, well at least in my case however after you start doing it, it becomes second nature. Of course this is after countless times of trial, error, and rejection. Well worth the effort to learn though imo.

[Day_Walker]

Different women respond to different kinds of flirting, what some may think is over the line some think is tame. I think that flirting is all about developing your method and seeing how it is responded to.

[pinkelephant]

Yeah, everybody is different. If they don't respond at all to a comment though, then it's probably a failed method. hah The point of flirting, imo, is to build rapport. If there's a lot of giggling and playfulness, then it's golden.

[blueidealist24]

I think "you have nice boobs" or "you have a nice butt" are lame things to say to flirt. I'm not sure what kind of guys you hang out with, but I only get those things said to me occasionally and I only hear them being said to my female friends occasionally by guys who I think are sort of shallow. Most guys I know compliment girls' non-sexual features, like eyes and hair, probably because they know they'll get a lot farther that way. I think "you have really nice eyes" or "your hair is really soft" is much better than "you have nice boobs" or "you have a nice butt."

[EQIQ]

Just a lesson for the future. Don't try to hit on a girl by complimenting her. It's just a sure way to fail. Actually... it might work but on very few cases. Cases where the woman is way too easy/insecure and wants attention from whoever they can get.

 

I am generalizing a bit there I know. If you do compliment and follow up with interesting conversation.. then maybe okay.. but you are better off not doing so.

 

When a guy does something kinda like this... "Hey.. you are beautiful! What's your name?" It's just stupid... gets you nowhere. ...

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think "you have nice boobs" or "you have a nice butt" are lame things to say to flirt. I'm not sure what kind of guys you hang out with, but I only get those things said to me occasionally and I only hear them being said to my female friends occasionally by guys who I think are sort of shallow. Most guys I know compliment girls' non-sexual features, like eyes and hair, probably because they know they'll get a lot farther that way. I think "you have really nice eyes" or "your hair is really soft" is much better than "you have nice boobs" or "you have a nice butt."

 

I remember someone telling me that the guy she slept with..and who was notorious as a ladies' man, told her she had nice hair and soft skin. I couldn't believe women actually turn to mush over lame come-on lines like that. To me flirting is about banter...intellectual banter...not mundane things like giving each other googly eyes, batting eyelashes, giggling and talking about soft hair and soft skin like a TV commercial.

[MattW]

Yeah, I guess I definitely don't "get it". @_@ Ah well. Guess it's not something I have to worry about dealing with, anyway. *shrug*

[OahuGrown808]

I agree, MattW. Even though I'm only 23, I guess the way I feel is very "old Fashioned." Of course, I may think to myself "wow she has nice boobs," but I'm definitely not going to tell her that on our first meeting. That kind of flirting seems sleazy and rude. It sucks too because it feels like that kind of behavior is the only way to get dates. I know that's probably not true, but that's what it feels like.

[Thorshammer]

You flirt according to the womans comfort level. Also, realize, women want sex just as much as men, the ones who speak out about it so much that they seem strange is a small archetype of what could be in many women, hidden under societies-guidelines on how different sexes should act. This is how i see it, i try to break the mold, start the connection, and see who she really is.

 

I once saw a woman with an obvious sexy walk, she smiled and waved to me and continued this walk. I went up to her, circled her, peeked at her booty and said, ''wow, all sorts of mmmmm, you are rocking that dress HAAARD tonight"- her face lit up (i wont lie, i was drunk as i dont usually do that). Most women i talk to need to be comforted, then slowly pushed to heavy flirting, and then a few days later they say all sorts of freaky stuff, more than i want to hear, more than what i hear my friends say when they babble about perverted bs.

 

Funny thing is, when i get into a relationship, i stop the naughty talk and i start showing utmost respect for my lady, and i grow more emotional and connected. THIS has shown me the exit door, they saw that as a boring and mundane relationship- this has been my flaw.

[Miss Firecracker]

That isn't flirting in my book. It's closer to sexual harassment.