Ugh... what a major setback...

[sonicfan287]

So, I was just having a fairly normal day... went to the mall to get some new clothes... and then it happened. After weeks of dreading this, I ACTUALLY ran into my ex, and she was buying jewelry with her new boyfriend. Strangely enough, I was prepared. I was going to walk right by them, so instead of being dodgy, I just went up to them, and said "hey, whats up?" she turned and looked, a bit surprised to see me and said "hey, hows it going?" i just waved and said "quite well" and went on my merry way. At the time, I was so pumped that I kept my composure for once. I was on my way out of the mall, and just forgot all about it.

 

Then I got to my car and just LOST it. I cried for about 10 minutes. I then pulled away from the mall and parked somewhere else, fearing they may come out and see me by chance. So I mean, I'm just screwed up again... I handled seeing her well, but then I just couldnt hold it in. Ive been crying on and off since... what if they were buying some kind of commitment ring or something? What if this guys' got major money and is buying her a really nice piece of jewelry that I couldnt have afforded? Im just completely losing my mind and I cant take it anymore... neither can my parents or my friends... I was just starting to almost get over this and its like ... UGH...

 

Im just SO glad I didnt go back and say more. Im glad I just said hi and moved on. Im so happy about that and I hope thats what I can take away from it, that I was civil and just did what I was supposed to do, didn't show any emotion or ask any details, just played it as cool as possible. But Im a nervous wreck now, just crying and thinking it couldve been me with her... this is hell. Absolute hell... during the worst of it, I started to get those unpleasant thoughts which preceded my suicide attempt... Im a bit scared right now...

[annie24]

hey - you were totally classy and held your head high. you should be proud of yourself. I think you did really well. i'm sorry you had to see that. the mind races about what was going on. in truth - it could have been anything from a commitment ring to the guy wanting your ex to help him pick out a mother's day present. could have been anything.

 

for me, i would rather have a quality guy than a guy with a lot of money. any day. seriously.

 

hugs.

[sonicfan287]

Thanks...

 

For some reason, it makes me feel better when I hear others say that her new bf is unreliable, and that he appears to be a jerk. He's also a smoker which she hates, so I dont know why shes with him. I hate that it makes me feel better to hear bad things about another guy though. I hate being so hateful... I should be happy for them and not resentful, but I can't help it. I love her and feel like it should be with her...

 

I feel much better now though... I just hope I stay better. Ive got a long night of work ahead of me and I was very excited to get down to business (Im a DJ) and play some music so... let's hope I can fake some energy for the time being. Thanks again, Annie. Also, I doubt he has a ton of money, unless hes been saving. He's an employee at a warehouse, not saying Im loaded either though. The only thing I bought her that was expensive was a sapphire necklace

[Taven]

I feel for you buddy

 

This might get you down for a day or two but just continue on with what you were doing before the mall incident and push forward. And don't go worrying about if he has money or w/e, it doesn't buy happiness.

 

How long have you been apart now?

 

So he's a douchebag and you're a DJ, you're totally the hotter guy, I don't need pictures!!

[Fraggle]

Deep breath Sonic... I'm not sure how I'd react and hope I don't ever have to....

 

I think you reacted very admirably as it was probably incredibly difficult to not run and hide. Take pride out of your reaction no matter how painful it was. I'm sure your ex must have understood how hard it was for you.

 

You should be really proud of your reaction under such difficult circumstances.

 

Don't let those bad thoughts invade and poison your mind- look at the positives, you could have just melted down when you saw her.

 

Look at your behaviour when your saw her as your inspiration to be stronger and don't let it get to you.

 

I'm sure its much easier said than done, and I dread the day I end up hearing about my ex having someone else... I hope I never have to hear about it to be honest unless I'm far enough down the road that I don't care.....

 

Stay strong Sonic you've done yourself proud in your reaction to such a difficult situ, I don't know if I could have done it...

[fireside]

It's very mature how you handled the situation in front of her. Kudos.

 

I, on the other hand, work with my ex-fwb. I had feelings for him and I have to see him EVERYDAY. I ignore him, which is immature of me. Then I'd come home and cry myself to sleep.

[sonicfan287]

Well, Id been paranoid of this happening for sooo long... like Id see cars places that looked like hers. Id see people that from behind looked like her and I went to a lot of places she went, bc well, I went there too and I figured, if I stopped going just bc she may be there, thats just as bad as avoiding her, so I'd go and this happened to be the day. I just hoped she wouldnt be with him, but she was... I knew she was there, and so I was prepared. She was really surprised to see me, I couldnt tell if it was like "oh no" surprise or "oh, hey" surprise, yknow?

 

Also, I worked with an ex 5 years ago at the same place who CHEATED on me with someone else who worked there. That was hell... everyday, I knew theyd be going off alone together somewhere once she started officially dating him, and leaving me behind. Every day Id look at the schedule and pray we werent on together... and then she'd try to talk to me sometimes, like nothing was wrong. She was a cruel one... at least this girl, while at times appearing cruel, just doesnt want to see me get hurt. She's doing NC for my sake, as Im doing it for my sake anyway, but she was smart to do it, because if she hadn't, I'd probably keep trying to contact her and "Fix" things.

 

It has continued to push me forward though... I just cant stop thinking about why they were there... what could they be buying? Not everything there is insanely expensive so it couldve been anything... but damn. It also hurt me that they were out on a Saturday afternoon... probably had a long day planned ahead of them... kinda like we used to do... ugh.

 

Oh and Seece, we've been apart 2 months now, but she met this new guy 3 days after we broke up in March... and no, Im not the hotter guy lol. Unfortunately, I think he's better looking and has a better future. Just bc Im a DJ doesnt entitle me to be "cool" if thats what it sounded like. Im not putting him down for what he does or anything. He could be a great guy, I'll never know. And yet, I just feel numb... its after 3:50 in the morning and Im just sitting here, pondering everything and just kinda feeling nothing. Not happy, not sad, kinda mad, kinda confused, but otherwise just very tired and ready to go to bed and hopefully forget it and come out tomorrow morning as a better person.

[FreeFallFeelin]

Sonic, you could have walked the other way, but you chose to approach them. I think you did this to get it over with. Plus, it's hard to resist the opportunity to get near the ex, at these early stages, even if it's masked behind something else. But the good thing is that you did it with strength and, you now know for sure to not do it again! As you can see, ANY tiny little details will quickly become the fuel for our minds to generate tons of new assumptions and dark fantasies about what the ex is up to now. The pain of the aftermath just isn't worth it.

 

My ex also left me for another guy (when they say they "met them only a few days after the break up", what that really means is that they had something established before you were removed from the equation, and made it official once you were gone. Think about it. Do the math.) Being replaced hurts beyond what words can say. Anyone that hasn't ever experienced it, can't honestly understand how deep and complete the pain is. My term for it is "emotional murder". BUT, you cannot allow suicide to be a solution to this pain. I'm a couple months further along in my healing than you are, and even though it still hurts like crazy, I'm starting to get angry. The thoughts of killing myself for her, or even changing the course of my day for her, now seem ridiculous. You WILL get to this point too.

 

Allow yourself to be hurt and deeply sad. Take your time. You're still in the very early stages of healing. And stay the hell away from her! ;-)

[sonicfan287]

Yeah... it was kind of a combination of getting it over with... and I dont even know what. Im kinda glad he was there with her though, as weird as that sounds, because I wouldve been tempted to stay and chat more if he wasn't. I very much couldve just said nothing, but then that just shows that the breakup effected me so bad that I cant even say hi, and thats just bad on my part. The last time she heard from me, let alone saw me, I was a crumbling mess, crying and confessing all these weird things and just begging her... so I went up to them with a nice smile (luckily I was dressed well at the time and looking pretty good) and just played it straight. I even said hi to him but he didn't even answer, he seemed pissed or just focused on whatever they were looking at so I left it alone. She kinda turned back in my direction as I kept walking away but I wasn't going to keep that conversation going.

 

The suicidal thoughts were VERY temporary... I get to a place where things start feeling blurry and unrealistic... I bury my head and just want to get smaller and smaller and disappear. Its so hard to explain it now because Im not feeling like that but at that time, Im just screaming "I dont want to be here!" hoping that someone will hear me and just end it... but I dont expect that to happen.

 

I am going to stay away from her but Im still haunting myself with all these future scenarios, good and bad... of a future thats as improbable as anything... who knows what could happen? I could meet someone new next month, she could dump him by tomorrow... they could be happy together for a good long time or they could break up and she STILL wouldnt give me the time of day... so I dont know whats going to happen and thats kind of the part that scares me but also excites me in some ways.