Trying to accept my marriage is over

[Natasha70]

My husband of 7 years left 9 weeks ago. He left me with his 5 year old twins aboy and girl. The past 9 weeks have been such a rollercoaster ride for me. I feel like I am alive but not living. Everything seems to be there but I am not. I see my future as lonely bringing up kids with noone to give me adult company.

 

I would love to have a happy family life but am to scared to start a relationship. I do not trust men and am scared of getting hurt again. I put all my love and trust into my husband and he let me down. He threw me and shattered me into thousands of pieces. Even if i were to collect the pieces and put them together some pieces are missing, lost for ever leaving my heart incomplete.

 

How can I get over this and start to piece my life together. I try to act strong infront of friends and family but deep down I am broken. I am fed up, angry and confused. How can I be happy and then suddenly be alone and abandoned by the person I thought loved me as much as I loved him. How can he play a game with my life and that of his kids?

 

I need to try to get over this , but how.........!

[rosephase]

Hang in there nine weeks isn't that long out of a seven year relationship. If you have good family and friends you don't have to "act" strong in front of them. It's okay to lean on people in your life. Your heart isn't incomplete it's hurting. Try to respect that you have to go through a grieving process and it might be awhile before you feel like having another man in your life. That is normal. Give it time.

 

You say he left you with -his- kids? Are they your children as well or kids from a pervious relationship?

[Fraggle]

Natasha

 

your situation puts mine into some serious perspective...

 

I'm whinging about my ex trying to screw me for some money after 9 years, yet we are not married and I'll probably get off likely in many aspects. I so feel for you. My sister went through something similar 10 years ago when her husband had an affair just after their second was born. She was left with 2 girls one 4 the other weeks old.

 

To give you some hope she is now happily remarried and things are going much better and she is better without her ex husband. I am not sure why he left you but I hope that this story give you a teeny amount of comfort in your current situation. I really hope you stay strong throughout this difficult time and that you come out stronger the other side? Its terrible when kids are involved. Money is money and you can always fix it somehow. Children, its people's lives you're "playing with"

 

So so sorry....

[mikhylabelle]

Hi Natasha,

 

I could feel your pain from your post. I am sorry you're going through something as terrible as this. A lot of us here completely understand what you're feeling. We've all been there, and it is true that things like these are life shattering. What brings me hope is that, even though there are a lot who suffered from heartbreaks, most of them got over it, and moved on, became better people because of the lessons they learned, and found a new and better life.

 

You are still in the early days. The emotions are raw, and it will hurt for a while. 7 years is a long time. For most people, it will take a while to get adjusted to live a life other than what is known in 7 years. But keep in mind that you have something to be proud of. You gave your all. You loved unconditionally. That is a very good quality, and not many people are capable of that. When you're all moved on, and you look back one day, you will have no regrets because you know that you have given your best to make it work.

[lavenderdove]

Just know that you will not feel this badly forever! It is quite a shock and you have to go thru the grieving process, and it is worst in the beginning... it is an emotional injury just like a physcial injury from a car wreck and it hurts like hell in the beginning, but as time goes on you will adapt and heal.

 

Try just to not be too hard on yourself right now and don't think too far into the future... just establish a routine for yourself and your kids and try to do fun things with them to keep their lives as normal as possible... Rent DVDs and watch them with them, and by yourself if necessary to fill some lonely hours. Talk to your friends and family to get it off your chest, and try to be kind to yourself as you can and take it a day at a time.

 

Try not to get into existential thinking like 'i'll never heal again' or 'I'll never find someone else' because the truth is that you will and everyone finds someone else again once they've healed and started looking for someone. Right now your business is just to try to process this and not think too far ahead... just talk to an attorney to get a proper settlement and sort out finances and custody issues. You will feel broken and out of sorts for a while, but it does take time to recover from a long relationship, just like it takes time to recover from a bad physical injury. Just don't make it worse on yourself by assuming you won't recover, because you will! The first few months are the hardest, and the first year is usually a struggle to adapt to the new situation, but you WILL be fine once you get past the divorce and can go on with your life and start incorporating new people and things into it.

[lavenderdove]

btw, the 'feeling alive but not living' is a perfect description of shock... that is the first stage that you have to pass thru at the beginning, where you are shocked and just can't believe it happened or that this is your life... that is actually a very normal feeling when someone surprises you and leaves you, and the first phases of grieving. You will also go thru anger, bargaining, depression etc. before you get to acceptance and being fine, but grief is somethign you unfortunately must go thru and can't jump over, but you will go thru the phases and eventually be fine!

[Natasha70]

Thanks to u all for all your support. I am sorry u have all had to go through similar feelings. I just can't understand selfish ppl who thrive on acheiving what they want and don't care who they hurt in the process. Guess i was to good for him, he was physically and mentally abusive to me, also very possesive. He was narcisstic and loved himself only.

I was scared of him. He took thousand from me and paid nothing for his kids or house keep. I have started a counselling degree and he used to tell me to stop and stay at hme. He had a funny hold on me like trapped me in his web.

Now he has gne i feel like i have to clean the web of me. Am hurt but free in the big world, where do i go, what do i do ?