CaptainConfusion Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 Ok, so I hadn't heard from my ex of 5 years for the best part of two years. We split 3.5 years ago. We had a 6 month thing along the way in-between when she was apparently came to her senses and realised her rebound boyfriend was nice but there was no love. Anyway, one night about 6 weeks ago I got the following... Her: I wish you were different Me: Why? Her: Because I love you I always have and I hate you I always have Me: That's probably why we broke up. Her: I need to see you Me: Why? Her: I just really need to see you. So anyway, we exchanged a few pleasantries over the next few weeks and finally caught up. She'd been single a year and hadn't met anyone. We hit it off and that was that. We exchanged a few texts over the following few weeks to which I more or less sent the 'last roll of the dice sort of message' as I still had feelings for her. I'm not doing friends, whats the point? Her response: We broke up years ago. I haven't seen you for years. How did you expect me to still feel the same? Take care of yourself. * * * ? Don't I feel stupid! Thoughts? Similar experiences. Link to comment
italiannmf24 Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 She seems immature in the sense that she's just fishing around because she's bored. When she first messaged you, you should've ignored it. Or you could've just said, "Why are you messaging me?". No response? Good. She looks stupid anyway. Just go back to your life that you've had without her for the last 3 and a half years. Link to comment
r0ckox Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 The silly games people play. I'll never understand it. Link to comment
Donovan79 Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 I have yet to ever hear the dice-roll, last-move, "Baby, I still love you, come back to me" crap that works at the end of every romantic comedy ever work in real life. Unless they think they can win some ego trip by fully seducing a guy who's no longer interested then they themselves get nothing out of it and move back on. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 Her: I wish you were different Me: Why? Her: Because I love you I always have and I hate you I always have Me: That's probably why we broke up. These comments from her were the first red flag that she was up to no good. They were absolutely classless, stupid things to say when opening up a dialogue with an ex. Someone saying "I wish you were different" is not someone who is worth talking to. Link to comment
CaptainConfusion Posted April 13, 2012 Author Share Posted April 13, 2012 I guess I didn't want to let my ego get in the way of how I felt. I thought it was the right thing to do at the time as I would have regretted saying nothing. This girl meant the world to me once. I have no idea why the hell would someone bother after all this time and it's not like we are 18, we are both 29. Maybe she was just bored, lonely and immature. Maybe throw in a personality disorder to boot. Link to comment
xstar Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 ^ That's fine but you also have to mean to the world to yourself as well. I mean, I woudn't have my ex's # saved after 3.5 years in my phone, much less respond to "I wish things were different". Even if I was praying for that text message every day for 3.5 years, I'd find it totally disrespectful that someone can just contact with with BS like that and no introduction. I agree with the others were I wouldn't have responded and I would have responded with "who is this"? Link to comment
markie6 Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 who is this ? is the perfect response , even if you knew it was them Link to comment
CaptainConfusion Posted April 13, 2012 Author Share Posted April 13, 2012 Trust me, I didn't have the # in my phone. If you date someone 5 years you learn their phone number don't you? If I had my time again I would have taken italianmf24 advice. If I happen to hear from her again it will be 'why are you messaging me?' I can't be bothered with a cheap shot so I'd rather take that sort of tact followed by 'please don't contact me anymore!' Wasn't praying for the text, was just living my life... Completely disrespectful. Definite red flag! Link to comment
Love1336 Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 "Her response: We broke up years ago. I haven't seen you for years. How did you expect me to still feel the same? Take care of yourself." Wow.. NOT NICE! Don't ever break NC for her AGAIN! Link to comment
dasilver Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 SMDH! I'll never understand why people behave the way they do. It leaves me scratching my head every time. Again...SMDH! Link to comment
lonelyheart2 Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 Agree with love1336 what a weird thing for her to do! So rude, I can't understand why someone would do something like this. Link to comment
Mephisto13 Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 She did that because she's been single for over a year, she's miserable, and wants to make sure that you were miserable too. When she found out you were, it boosted her ego, and she drop kicked you in the heart again. Remember this when she next needs an ego boost (re: when she contacts you next). Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 ..|.. to your ex! Classless move, much like this post. Link to comment
CaptainConfusion Posted April 13, 2012 Author Share Posted April 13, 2012 ..|.. to your ex! Classless move, much like this post. Well that was extremely constructive and helpful. I guess that's one way to go about 2787 posts. Truly, a platinum response. Wow! Can you explain classless as I'm not sure of its true meaning LD? Classless adj 1. (Sociology) not belonging to or forming a class 2. (Sociology) characterized by the absence of economic and social distinctions classlessness * n Thanks Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 Well that was extremely constructive and helpful. I guess that's one way to go about 2787 posts. Truly, a platinum response. Wow! Can you explain classless as I'm not sure of its true meaning LD? Classless adj 1. (Sociology) not belonging to or forming a class 2. (Sociology) characterized by the absence of economic and social distinctions classlessness * n Thanks Boorish! Also, thank you...I thought it was! PS - I created a post. You created a thread. Confusion I guess, I wasn't insinuating your thread was classless. Link to comment
maron Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 OP, that's really messed up of your ex. you put your good intentions on the line and that was a total disrespect to you on her part. i'm always hopeful that time changes people for the better and yes it's possible to reattract and be attracted to those who we were turned off from ourselves, but i suppose she disagrees. so disrespectful. Link to comment
CaptainConfusion Posted April 13, 2012 Author Share Posted April 13, 2012 PS - I created a post. You created a thread. Confusion I guess, I wasn't insinuating your thread was classless. Fair point. Apologies LD. To me, I took as starting a thread as 'posting' a thread as much as you 'post' a reply. Anyhow... There has to be a summation than classless of people capable of such loathsome and insensitive behaviour other than expletives along the line of evil parasitic %$#@ Link to comment
ks1986 Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 Sounds like a really frustrating situation, especially after 2 years. Those first few messages were kind of a red flag for what was to follow though. That's why I'm not responding to anything conflicted or unsure like that. Link to comment
GreenCupcake Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 Her last text message was so insulting that even I feel insulted. That's incredibly rude. Don't worry about it though. She was the one who made herself look stupid by texting you those wishy-washy messages and then doing a 360 on you. Can you say UNSTABLE? Link to comment
RitaTrue Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 Ok, so I hadn't heard from my ex of 5 years for the best part of two years. We split 3.5 years ago. We had a 6 month thing along the way in-between when she was apparently came to her senses and realised her rebound boyfriend was nice but there was no love. Anyway, one night about 6 weeks ago I got the following... Good grief. You're no where near healed, and you opened yourself up for rapid fire--right in the gut. Her: I wish you were different Me: Why? Her: Because I love you I always have and I hate you I always have Me: That's probably why we broke up. Her: I need to see you Me: Why? Her: I just really need to see you. Why did she "need" to see you? Just to catch up? Many times, if an ex wants to catch up, it's not with your best interest in mind. In this case, she's probably lonely, or just wanted to gauge how moved on you are, face to face. So anyway, we exchanged a few pleasantries over the next few weeks and finally caught up. She'd been single a year and hadn't met anyone. We hit it off and that was that. We exchanged a few texts over the following few weeks to which I more or less sent the 'last roll of the dice sort of message' as I still had feelings for her. This breaks my heart. I remember doing something like this too. And it was humiliating. I'm not doing friends, whats the point? You tell us. At this point, you actually ARE doing friends, which is a landmine waiting to go off--at this point. If she comes back to you, what do you feel you'll do? Her response: We broke up years ago. I haven't seen you for years. How did you expect me to still feel the same? Take care of yourself. * * * ? She just told you to get on with your life. The easiest way out of more heartbreak here: is to take her advice. Thoughts? Similar experiences. My last break up was topsy turvy: a reversal break up. The worse kind to get jammed up your butthole I dumped him, for our long list of incompatabilities. But was too weak-willed to stay "broken up". We agreed to work it out. Two weeks later, he broke up with me. I stayed friends with him, also. I didnt want to "hurt him" and I liked having him there with me, but he broke my heart when he said that "it was too late to get back together". It's very common to do a last-ditch effort to get your ex back. It happens if you have feelings for them. You want to get them ONE LAST CHANCE, before letting your feelings for them rot. My ex did it. I did it. And you know what I've learned? Remember the reasons why you BROKE UP!! Those reasons dont go away, even if they DO get back with you. Why did you break up? Link to comment
CaptainConfusion Posted April 22, 2012 Author Share Posted April 22, 2012 Good grief. You're no where near healed, and you opened yourself up for rapid fire--right in the gut. You're telling me. We went through a lot and I really could have stuck out the journey. I've tried to move on and let it be. It's taken a lot of time however everytime I seem to cross that hurdle I get confronted with the 'lost love' convo and my heart takes the bait. Why did she "need" to see you? Just to catch up? Many times, if an ex wants to catch up, it's not with your best interest in mind. In this case, she's probably lonely, or just wanted to gauge how moved on you are, face to face. I never really got the answer to that other than some lame 'I just need to see you' and whilst I pressed her on it I decided to just settle for that and go with an open mind. Big mistake as its the one question I wish I had the answer now. This breaks my heart. I remember doing something like this too. And it was humiliating. It's very embarrassing. I figured at the time that I'd take the leap of faith as I felt that she'd reached out and was wanting to get my position in respect to us. I guess I completely misread her motives purely due to only seeing why someone would make contact through my eyes only. Big mistake You tell us. At this point, you actually ARE doing friends, which is a landmine waiting to go off--at this point. If she comes back to you, what do you feel you'll do? Maybe, but there is no ongoing dialogue. I'm not interested in wondering if she is ok and she isn't calling to see how my week was. I'd regard that as being friends, this just feels like a mistaken call on my behalf to put faith in my ex. She just told you to get on with your life. The easiest way out of more heartbreak here: is to take her advice My last break up was topsy turvy: a reversal break up. The worse kind to get jammed up your butthole I dumped him, for our long list of incompatabilities. But was too weak-willed to stay "broken up". We agreed to work it out. Two weeks later, he broke up with me. I stayed friends with him, also. I didnt want to "hurt him" and I liked having him there with me, but he broke my heart when he said that "it was too late to get back together". It's very common to do a last-ditch effort to get your ex back. It happens if you have feelings for them. You want to get them ONE LAST CHANCE, before letting your feelings for them rot. My ex did it. I did it. And you know what I've learned? Remember the reasons why you BROKE UP!! Those reasons dont go away, even if they DO get back with you. Why did you break up? I really do just want to get on with it now. I'm just a little sad, disappointed, frustrated etc etc. I can't help but feel that this saga is just bound to continue when she next decides to make contact and I'm not sure the best way to handle it. Right now it's easy to say ignore any contact but I know personally that it doesn't sit comfortably to just ignore someone. We broke up because I had grown tired of putting so much in and getting so little back. This girl had an eating disorder for our whole relationship and the personality disorders that came with it just took its toll. Its hard to keep getting up and fighting for someone when they don't ever seem to improve. It was a roller coaster the whole way that included the slow dissection of everything wrong about me over those years. No appreciation was ever shown. It's not about think you however. We broke up over an incident that resulted in her suggesting that I'd assaulted her. However, it was actually me that was always on the end of the emotional and physical abuse. Anyway the rumour got out and her family got involved. To my face she will say that 'my threat' was enough to scare her into fearing me. However to this day I still field questions of what she alleged that had happened. She has never ever corrected her position in regard to that matter either. It's probably one of those things that you can't reconcile and I don't condone that behaviour but I stand by my version of events that night. I was just really frustrated and needed her to leave me alone. The fact that she still contacts. Me now should speak for itself in respect to what actually happened that night. Still to this day, it doesn't sit well with me at all due to the label. So I guess we broke up over the fact that I couldnt fix her problems and ultimately became the problem and scapegoat. I just don't see what anyone could want from me considering this history. Link to comment
RitaTrue Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 You're telling me. We went through a lot and I really could have stuck out the journey. I've tried to move on and let it be. It's taken a lot of time however everytime I seem to cross that hurdle I get confronted with the 'lost love' convo and my heart takes the bait. Lost love covo? You mean, like the text you posted? I never really got the answer to that other than some lame 'I just need to see you' and whilst I pressed her on it I decided to just settle for that and go with an open mind. Big mistake as its the one question I wish I had the answer now. It's not a mistake. And it's not a mistake because she had NOTHING TO SAY. That's why she couldnt tell you anything. There was nothing to tell. She had no real reason. Please remember that...it'll come in handy when she decides to contact you again. I really do just want to get on with it now. I'm just a little sad, disappointed, frustrated etc etc. I can't help but feel that this saga is just bound to continue when she next decides to make contact and I'm not sure the best way to handle it. Right now it's easy to say ignore any contact but I know personally that it doesn't sit comfortably to just ignore someone. I got some good news and some bad news. Good news: You're...very polite. Bad news: As long as you're polite about going No Contact, you're going to continue to wallow in a fat pile of ####. As long as you feel the need to be polite, the longer you'll continue to be where you are now. It doesnt sit well with you to ignore someone because you view it as mean. But that's not it. Ignoring her at this time, is not a sign of meanness, as you sincerely do have feelings for her. Rather, ignoring her attempts for attention, is a gesture of wanting to seed some self love. We broke up because I had grown tired of putting so much in and getting so little back. This girl had an eating disorder for our whole relationship and the personality disorders that came with it just took its toll. Its hard to keep getting up and fighting for someone when they don't ever seem to improve. It was a roller coaster the whole way that included the slow dissection of everything wrong about me over those years. No appreciation was ever shown. It's not about think you however. We broke up over an incident that resulted in her suggesting that I'd assaulted her. ( RITA SN: WHAT THE ####! WHY WOULD YOU WANT HER BACK IF SHE'S ACCUSING YOU OF RAPE!! AND NEVER CLEARED YOUR NAME OF IT. OP, you need to get your mind together! ) However, it was actually me that was always on the end of the emotional and physical abuse. Anyway the rumour got out and her family got involved. To my face she will say that 'my threat' was enough to scare her into fearing me. However to this day I still field questions of what she alleged that had happened. She has never ever corrected her position in regard to that matter either. It's probably one of those things that you can't reconcile and I don't condone that behaviour but I stand by my version of events that night. I was just really frustrated and needed her to leave me alone. The fact that she still contacts. Me now should speak for itself in respect to what actually happened that night. Still to this day, it doesn't sit well with me at all due to the label. So I guess we broke up over the fact that I couldnt fix her problems and ultimately became the problem and scapegoat. I just don't see what anyone could want from me considering this history. What do you mean by this? Good grief!! All these things are signs that you're not loving yourself the way you should. And this is why you're not succeeding at NC. You keep agreeing to let CRAP into your life. And then you want to manage and MEND the crap, that was unfixable to start with. OP, if you ever want to heal, you have to decide that you're worth more than what she's giving you (and will EVER give you for that matter). When you believe that, you'll see progress in staying no contact. Link to comment
CaptainConfusion Posted April 22, 2012 Author Share Posted April 22, 2012 Lost love covo? You mean, like the text you posted? yes. It's not a mistake. And it's not a mistake because she had NOTHING TO SAY. That's why she couldnt tell you anything. There was nothing to tell. She had no real reason. Please remember that...it'll come in handy when she decides to contact you again. That's a very valid point. Thank you I got some good news and some bad news. Good news: You're...very polite. Bad news: As long as you're polite about going No Contact, you're going to continue to wallow in a fat pile of ####. As long as you feel the need to be polite, the longer you'll continue to be where you are now. It doesnt sit well with you to ignore someone because you view it as mean. But that's not it. Ignoring her at this time, is not a sign of meanness, as you sincerely do have feelings for her. Rather, ignoring her attempts for attention, is a gesture of wanting to seed some self love. Again, very valid point. I hadn't thought of it from that angle. I like the idea of wanting to seed some self love. What do you mean by this? Good grief!! All these things are signs that you're not loving yourself the way you should. And this is why you're not succeeding at NC. You keep agreeing to let CRAP into your life. And then you want to manage and MEND the crap, that was unfixable to start with. OP, if you ever want to heal, you have to decide that you're worth more than what she's giving you (and will EVER give you for that matter). When you believe that, you'll see progress in staying no contact. I guess I have spent the majority of my life alone. I came from a broken family. Left home young. Just wanted to be loved. I guess for a long time it was better than nothing. I do need to work on the self worth. The reality is I know I deserve better. Time to accept that it is never coming from that person. PS: domestic violence not rape. Not that either are acceptable. I know from the outside looking in I may look rather pathetic but I just thought that if I perservered the payoff would be there. I get that this is unrealistic and an unhealthy view. For the most part I move on and am relieved that I don't have to deal with that anymore. I have just found it hard to recover and have becoming largely skeptical of people. Its almost as if someone is nice to me it feels in natural, in the sense of affections of the heart. I appreciate your words, and you are right. I genuinely believe that I did my best and can hold my head high. Life goes on. Link to comment
tomato Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 my thoughts are - never "roll the dice" like that - its too much pressure on what is a "new" relationship (I did it with my ex - we'd basically started dating again - all was good - then I mucked it up 200% by saying we couldnt be friends - she didn't talk to me for 6 weeks after that!)- if you sent a text like that to a girl you'd been out with on one date I think she'd freak ot as well - thats how you need to see it. NEVER PUT PRESSURE ON. Since you have I think the best thing you can do is try and diffuse it - dont know how....... you could try texting her tell her you didnt mean it? or wait a week or two and initiate contact telling her you dont see why you shouldnt be freinds (while of course keeping up subtle flirting when you meet) - I think thats the best idea Link to comment
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