Sister & her husband friends with one of my bullies

[im_the_undead]

I knew my sister and her husband talked to one of the girls who added to me getting bullied a couple of years ago, but I didn't know they were so close. Some months ago my brother in law was talking about the girl and I ended up confessing how I felt.

 

"Oh no, I don't want to go to that event because I don't want to see so&so. She's mean." And he replied

"What? No way she's so nice. Her parent are our friends. I was even gonna let her baby sit."

 

My heart literally sank to my stomach I was shocked. So I told him, "She's not that nice. When we were "friends" she would use my moms make up without asking, tell us about her one night stands, and then after I was getting bullied by those girls she would click up with them and glare at me. She hasn't spoken a word to me since, for no reason at all. She used to be my friend but now all she does is make mean faces to me or stare at me when I'm near by. She makes me feel like I have aids or something." And my brother in law denied she would do such a thing.

"I can see those other girls doing that to you but not her, she's different." Really? I don't have time or the imagination to make things like this up.

Besides, when you start hanging out with a group of people all of the time for years to come, you start to pick up their behaviors. He should just know by now that those aren't going to be positive attributes. Hell, when I was friends with those girls my family was annoyed by how I was picking up all their ugly habits.

 

Months later I see they're all friends on fb. It kind of felt like a jab to the stomach. Why? Because they, most especially my in law, knows how bad the bullying got and the fear and depression it caused. He witnessed certain things first hand, and I consider that girl to be an accessory to the bullying because I called her my friend, invited her in my home, shared with her, and instead of being nuetral or telling the other girls to calm down, she joined in the gossip and has been rude to me ever since. I'm sure my sister knows some about this girl and my bullies because since they're now fb friends, she's able to see that this girl has hundreds of pictures out partying with my former bullies, (unless if she blocked my family from seeing those things, which wouldn't be unusual) and my sister should easily put two and two together.

 

This makes me really uncomfortable. I don't want a mean person being entrusted with my dear nieces and nephews. I'm a proud aunt and I wouldn't want them around her because I believe she'd end up bringing her bf over and banging in the next room. She USED to be like that, and I doubt a few years would change her character. That's just the vibe I get and it's not just because we're no longer friends, even when we were that was still the vibe she gave.

 

Also, my sister & in law live in the same home with me. They have gatherings and socials over at the house all of the time. They love to have dinners and lunch dates with people from work and church, and I'm really paranoid that they'll invite those people over. I'd be shocked and enraged, to be honest, not to mention uncomfortable. I want to talk to my sister about it, but she's been known to let her friends talk bad about me and not defend me. We're not best friends, but I always have her back and defend her out of love and loyalty, so I'd hope for the same. Even when cousins have annoyed or been rude to my older sisters, I've always taken their side out of loyalty. I can't ever be sure with her, though. I talked to my brother in law and he shrugged it off because he likes the girl's family. I just feel like they don't care

[agent1607307371]

I want to talk to my sister about it, but she's been known to let her friends talk bad about me and not defend me. We're not best friends, but I always have her back and defend her out of love and loyalty, so I'd hope for the same. I can't ever be sure though. I talked to my brother in law and he shrugged it off.

 

Tells you everything. You can hope for her to treat you well, but you know she will not.

[im_the_undead]

I want to talk to my sister about it, but she's been known to let her friends talk bad about me and not defend me. We're not best friends, but I always have her back and defend her out of love and loyalty, so I'd hope for the same. I can't ever be sure though. I talked to my brother in law and he shrugged it off.

 

Tells you everything. You can hope for her to treat you well, but you know she will not.

 

 

So I shouldn't even mention it to her?

[pl3asehelp]

So I shouldn't even mention it to her?

 

I would tell her that this bully isn't welcome in your home.

 

Might be time to re-evaluate your relationship with your sister as she seems completely unsupportive of you and appears to have been that way for a while. It's up to you who you want to surround yourself with, but I personally would not be close to my sister at all if I were in your situation. I'd be polite to her when I had to see her, but other than that I don't think I'd ever contact her. You're not important to her at all.

[im_the_undead]

I would tell her that this bully isn't welcome in your home.

 

Might be time to re-evaluate your relationship with your sister as she seems completely unsupportive of you and appears to have been that way for a while. It's up to you who you want to surround yourself with, but I personally would not be close to my sister at all if I were in your situation. I'd be polite to her when I had to see her, but other than that I don't think I'd ever contact her. You're not important to her at all.

 

 

We've had a tough relationship, a lot of falling outs. I'm sad to say we don't have the relationship I wish we could, but I've been trying so hard to change that. I've been putting so much effort into establishing a good relationship with her.. this situation really distresses me.

[agent1607307371]

I'd tell them she's not welcome, but if your sister has no interest in your feelings, I think talking to her about them won't do any good and will just frustrate you.

[pl3asehelp]

We've had a tough relationship, a lot of falling outs. I'm sad to say we don't have the relationship I wish we could, but I've been trying so hard to change that. I've been putting so much effort into establishing a good relationship with her.. this situation really distresses me.

 

Do you feel she's been trying? You can't do it alone, she has to want that as well and I think her lack of support for you on this issue shows that she would rather have a large social circle even if that includes people who have tormented you rather that be a supportive sister to you.

 

I don't anticipate that going well so I think you should look into different living arrangements. I don't think you should be living with people like this. It's not good for your mental health.

[im_the_undead]

I'd tell them she's not welcome, but if your sister has no interest in your feelings, I think talking to her about them won't do any good and will just frustrate you.

 

It's been some months since our huge blow up argument. But I apologized and she did too since then and we made up. I don't resent her and I hope she doesn't secretly still hate me... I'm hesitating to tell her about this. It's bothering me but a negative reaction to it would hurt me even more. Idk what to do.. I'd tell my mom but my mom's such a tough *** she'd be like "WHO CARES? F THAT GIRL GET OVER IT." lol I'm not a tough *** like my mom -_-

[im_the_undead]

Do you feel she's been trying? You can't do it alone, she has to want that as well and I think her lack of support for you on this issue shows that she would rather have a large social circle even if that includes people who have tormented you rather that be a supportive sister to you.

 

I don't anticipate that going well so I think you should look into different living arrangements. I don't think you should be living with people like this. It's not good for your mental health.

 

 

I haven't talked to her about it. Only her husband but I just mentioned how I felt to him a while ago. Maybe she has been trying and I just don't notice? Last argument we had she said she'd been "trying..." not to be so messed up to me. Idk. This is stressing me out. I just want to feel unity.

[pl3asehelp]

It's been some months since our huge blow up argument. But I apologized and she did too since then and we made up. I don't resent her and I hope she doesn't secretly still hate me... I'm hesitating to tell her about this. It's bothering me but a negative reaction to it would hurt me even more. Idk what to do.. I'd tell my mom but my mom's such a tough *** she'd be like "WHO CARES? F THAT GIRL GET OVER IT." lol I'm not a tough *** like my mom -_-

 

Tell your mom? How old are you?

[im_the_undead]

Tell your mom? How old are you?

 

 

20. lol

 

I meant tell my mom and ask for advice, not go snitch. Though my older siblings still snitch on me -_- And they're OOOOOOOLD.

[BananaPeel]

I'm with your mom on this one. F that girl. Get over it.

 

Why are you letting her run your life? What did she do to you that was so terrible? Making faces at you is hardly the worst thing someone can do to another.

[rosephase]

How long ago was the bulling thing? How old are you now? How old is she?

[im_the_undead]

I'm with your mom on this one. F that girl. Get over it.

 

Why are you letting her run your life? What did she do to you that was so terrible? Making faces at you is hardly the worst thing someone can do to another.

 

Spread gossip/rumors. I want to not care but the whole situation really messed me up.

[rosephase]

20. lol

 

I meant tell my mom and ask for advice, not go snitch. Though my older siblings still snitch on me -_- And they're OOOOOOOLD.

 

Look, people bully because they are having a hard time. And this girl (it sounds like) didn't do anything to you she just chose sides. It is WAY better for your personal growth to forgive her and figure out what she is like now. Have you thought or writing her an e-mail explaining how you felt? Give her a chance not to be a teenage as*hole and see if she rises to the occasion.

 

Also you have no reason to believe she wouldn't be a good babysitter so just let go of that.

 

Reach out, tell her your fears and see what happens. I know it's scary as hell but it can really be worth it.

[im_the_undead]

How long ago was the bulling thing? How old are you now? How old is she?

 

It started, I want to say, 2 years ago.. and it dragged out for about 2 years. The threats and harassment stopped about some months ago but with those people it can start up again at any moment. I have to go out of my way to avoid contact with the main ones. Anyway Idk for sure how old she is now but I'd say 21 or 22. I turned 20 recently.

[im_the_undead]

Look, people bully because they are having a hard time. And this girl (it sounds like) didn't do anything to you she just chose sides. It is WAY better for your personal growth to forgive her and figure out what she is like now. Have you thought or writing her an e-mail explaining how you felt? Give her a chance not to be a teenage as*hole and see if she rises to the occasion.

 

Also you have no reason to believe she wouldn't be a good babysitter so just let go of that.

 

Reach out, tell her your fears and see what happens. I know it's scary as hell but it can really be worth it.

 

 

She blocked me, I can't email her. And when we've been at close range I could visibly tell she was upset I was around. I tried talking to another ex friend of mine who basically did the exact same thing thanks to those other girls, and she flat out rejected me. That really hurt but I guess I got it. maybe I'll try again in a few years.

 

Oh and this all happened because of my bf (thought i'd throw that in there)

 

And I would not want her baby sitting my nieces and nephews based off her lack of responsibility when she was a friend and her character. I'd want someone I knew fitting. Hell no. Can't change my mind on that one. Maybe she's a saint now (lol!) but even then I'd be worried about the safety of the kids. Those are like my babies, I only want the best for them.

[lost girl]

Look at that other girl like she's cray cray. And when you're with your family be extra affectionate, especially in public. Might want to mention it that you don't appreciate how she behaved with you to your sister. At least she'll then know for sure, so if she were to invite the girl over, she'd be crossing a serious line and then you would know for a fact whether she cares or does not care for you. Good luck!

[im_the_undead]

Look at that other girl like she's cray cray. And when you're with your family be extra affectionate, especially in public. Might want to mention it that you don't appreciate how she behaved with you to your sister. At least she'll then know for sure, so if she were to invite the girl over, she'd be crossing a serious line and then you would know for a fact whether she cares or does not care for you. Good luck!

 

Ehh, I haven't even mentioned it to her. Most people on here made me think it wasn't even worth while or even a good idea. Idk? I don't want my family to think I'm catty or immature, because I'm not... but I can't force myself to like or try to be friendly to people who I trusted and have screwed me over. It's complicated. I just want to punch that O in the face. lol

[Angel Irulan]

Questions:

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PM me,.

Angel

[lost girl]

Ehh, I haven't even mentioned it to her. Most people on here made me think it wasn't even worth while or even a good idea. Idk? I don't want my family to think I'm catty or immature, because I'm not... but I can't force myself to like or try to be friendly to people who I trusted and have screwed me over. It's complicated. I just want to punch that O in the face. lol

 

Do what feels right! Idk what I would do tbh. It's tough, on one hand they're family, they're SUPPOSED to (technically) have your back, but then again, throughout history we're shown that sometimes family just don't give a dang.

For example, Mufasa and Scar. lol

[im_the_undead]

Do what feels right! Idk what I would do tbh. It's tough, on one hand they're family, they're SUPPOSED to (technically) have your back, but then again, throughout history we're shown that sometimes family just don't give a dang.

For example, Mufasa and Scar. lol

 

Lol I cry every time. Stupid scar. -______-

& I honestly think that my sister would care, maybe, deep down inside... but maybe she just doesn't know how to show it. She's never defended me before so I guess she feels I'm a big girl enough to do it on my own. But I don't need her to defend me, I just want her to understand and sympathize. She's my SISTER!!! Come onnnnn.

I'd punch anyone in the face for her.

[lost girl]

Lol I cry every time. Stupid scar. -______-

& I honestly think that my sister would care, maybe, deep down inside... but maybe she just doesn't know how to show it. She's never defended me before so I guess she feels I'm a big girl enough to do it on my own. But I don't need her to defend me, I just want her to understand and sympathize. She's my SISTER!!! Come onnnnn.

I'd punch anyone in the face for her.

 

Yeah I get it. Usually when we don't have anyone to turn to, no friends, no lover, we can rely on family. I'd personally tell my sister during a casual conversation.

[im_the_undead]

Yeah I get it. Usually when we don't have anyone to turn to, no friends, no lover, we can rely on family. I'd personally tell my sister during a casual conversation.

 

I've been trying to set up a casual conversation with her for the longest! It's super hard work -_-

Sometimes I just want to blurt it out.

I mentioned it to my other sister and I honestly don't even think she was paying attention to me.

Why are they like this? Ohh, but when they talk I sure do listen! I'm just too reliable of a friend and people, even family, don't reciprocate F it.

[abitbroken]

Really, if all she really did was use your mom's makeup and glare at you - it seems like pretty juvenile stuff to me. I would just get over it. You are 20 now and don't need to waste your time. While bullying is never right, if all she does now is "look uncomfortable" around you - she is just all talk now. I personally think she is insecure.

I would just try getting my own new and more awesome friends and don't hang out with your sister's crowd. Have your own life.