third time he's left, i'm devastated and it's all my fault

[PaintWithLight]

Sorry about the confusion over the breakup timeline. My question remains - do you think you are high maintenance and do you think he got worn out? This is more than grumpiness over a bad day. There seems to be a fundamental mismatch in personality types between the two of you.

[miss_sunshine86]

Yeah. Maybe we are not compatible. I don't know if i'm high maintenence. Maybe i am .

[PaintWithLight]

Yeah. Maybe we are not compatible. I don't know if i'm high maintenence. Maybe i am .

 

There is your answer then. He likes the idea of having you as his girl friend but every time ends up saying "no more". Use this time to date others and see if you get the same response. You cannot expect a long term relationship with personality traits and behaviors that will eventually push guys away for less exhausting companions. You said you were ripping him on the phone for his lack of quality time, etc. when he had actually been introducing you to his family, etc. his response - I don't need to deal with this...

[miss_sunshine86]

we were only seeing eachother once a week even though we live in the same city......

and i don't feel like dating anyone else thanks.

[PaintWithLight]

I hope you find a way out of what you are feeling then. Good luck.

[DarlingDoll]

She doesn't sound "high maintenance" to me at all. She sounds like someone who didn't voice her desire to see him more even though she wanted to, but then it came to a head then she let it all out in a nonproductive way. Asking to spend vacations with your supposedly long term boyfriend, and seeing them more than once a week, is not high maintenance. Also, I dated an emotionally unavailable man for awhile and I saw his family frequently. That doesn't necessarily mean anything. I actually saw him almost every other day, and he would pull the disappearing act when he just didn't "want to deal" as well if the boat rocked a little bit (fyi I didn't have blow-ups at him. But he didn't like if I brought up needs I had in the relationship). It's extremely disrespectful to just disappear from an SO like that.

 

Anyway, heartbroken, regardless of everything...this man will not give you what you seek. It seems you want more than he's capable of giving, and what you want is OK - you two just don't seem compatible. I believe if you continue with him, it will just be more heartbreak.

[Miss Firecracker]

If I could only squeeze one night a week out of a guy I'd been with for a few years...well, I know I wouldn't last half that long. You are very low maintenance in my opinion. Sorry you put up with him this long. You can do so much better.

[Ain]

This guy sounds weird. Let him go and find somebody that respects you enough to tell you they are through. Its possible he's just busy, but if you sent him a message saying I guess this means we're over and he didn't respond then screw him. You do seserve better. This guy is stringing you along. There are plenty of guys who are compatibile with you, and will respect you.

[miss_sunshine86]

We didn't agree on little things. Like going on holiday (he isnt interested on ever taking vacations), dress, hobbies, work/life balance, but i realise these are all little things and i should have kept my mouth shut. i suppose you cant change the past.

[Ms Darcy]

well i knew he didnt love me... yet. but i thought he would soon.

 

After 7 months, you knew he didn't love you?

C'mon heartbroken, that doesn't look, smell or even come close to feeling right.

 

Did you really ruin this "relationship"?

Seems like your taking the entire burden for something that may not be to him what it is to you.

And an inside secret on this type of guy, he KNOWS you're upset right now, and he KNOWS that he can just waltz back whenever he feels like it.

 

Sorry heartbroken, but this is not healthy for you.

 

We broke up in 2009, then in 2011, and if he has broken up with me which looks likely now in 2012. He came back but after a year. and that was in september 2011. and we were together for 7 months which is our longest. can't believe it was all for nothing

 

Yeah i know. He had promised me he'd changed. We'd even had a few talks and productive outcomes to it. So i thought all that was over and that he had changed.

 

If I could only squeeze one night a week out of a guy I'd been with for a few years...well, I know I wouldn't last half that long. You are very low maintenance in my opinion. Sorry you put up with him this long. You can do so much better.

 

All of this amounts to DO NOT GET BACK WITH HIM EVER. HE WON'T CHANGE ... he will keep leaving you.

[miss_sunshine86]

I remember you from 3 years ago. I must be the saddest person on here. Been in 3 identical situations!...

 

But the truth is I honestly thought (even my most cynical friends and family) that he had finally changed this time.

[Ms Darcy]

I think it makes sense for you to feel this way. But NOW you know who and what he is. Please stay away from this poison.

[SapphireNoir10]

I remember we used to talk all the time, I still have you on fb!! You started to do SO well without him. You dont need him in your life. He'll come back and then leave when he feels like it, because he knows he can.

 

If he loved you, he wouldnt treat you like this, and even if he doesnt love you, he's still treating you BADLY.

 

For your sake be strong, maybe go to counselling and find out why you keep letting this happen. You not hight maintenace, you've done nothing wrong except fall in love with the wrong man.

 

Your young, pretty, sucessful...there are loads of men that would kill to love you. When we used to speak I was in the same situation. But I've found a man who loves me and we live together, getting married next year and got a baby on the way....THATS what you deserve. And thats what you can have if you can just step away from him.

[miss_sunshine86]

Hey Sapphire - wow, when did all that happen? congratulations! xx

 

It's so weird. Because this time I felt that things had changed. 7 months. and I know I was being silly. So i feel like it was my fault. But even so we would have a really good day, but then a bad day. He would do really special things, but then we'd have a stupid disagreement. I do feel a lot to blame for making big deals out of trivial things( as mentioned earlier, holidays, etc etc). That is hard to shake off.

[SapphireNoir10]

You know theres been times he's left when youve not done anything wrong. Relationships are ups and downs, he is only in it for the ups, and he's going to run away in the downs. That will never be a happy healthy relationship and you know it.

 

I feel like I don't want you to still be doing this in 10 years time you deserve so much more.

[miss_sunshine86]

i feel calm now. i dont feel like crying whereas i did for days the other times. i dont see him as much and more thngs about him bothered me this time around. i also put off introducing him to my parents which i know was deep down because i wasnt sure. so i think this will be it for good. its just so hard to finally actually let go after 6 years of on /off.

[SapphireNoir10]

ITs going to be hard. But it'll be SO worth it in the end. When you meet a lovely guy,move on...you'll wonder why you ever put up with it for so long. I promise!

[marconi68]

Easy for me to say this, because you must be a very loyal person and, like myself, stick with the other person through thick n thin; but if that's you in the picture then you must be beating off guys with a sh**ty stick looking like that !

 

You gave it your best shot. And in your title "..i'm devastasted and it's all my fault".. not one person is to blame for a break up. If he doesn't take account his proportion of blame, then he wasn't worth it anyway. And who was he?.. Stevie Wonder?.. He was certainly blind to let a cracker go.

 

Concentrate on your healing once more. You've done it before. Keep beating those guys away with your stick.. but not all of them because a good one will be THE ONE.

 

Wish you well.

[miss_sunshine86]

That made me laugh...thank you

[miss_sunshine86]

Its my first day back at work since it happened and I'm really struggling.

I just feel like crying. Started my day with a venti filter starbucks.

Even though things were not always good I honestly can't stop thinking about all the good things. And I honestly feel like this breakup is all my fault.

 

[miss_sunshine86]

why is it that even if a relationship has bad in it we ONLY think of the good when it ends. I cant stop replaying all the nice things we did, nice things he did. I feel like i messed everything up. I dont understand why i feel so * * * *

[Lightning87]

Honey, it sounds like you are being far to hard on yourself. My concentration levels aren't that good at this time of night but it sounds like you deserve better than this. If he really loved you, he wouldn't keep walking out. If that is you in the profile pic, you are a stunning looking girl and there is guaranteed to be someone out there who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. Don't settle for less, the guy sounds like he looks for any small reason to walk out and leave you feeling like sh*t.

 

I hope you're ok as can be. Keep your chin up, happiness is just round the corner x

[lilbookwrm]

I dated someone for two years who was like this. After two years I realized I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. I was there for him on his bad days and if I had a bad day he didn't wanna hear it and would break up with me for being "stupid." He would ignore me for days and always have the upper hand. If he really cared for you he would have cared you were in a bad mood and tried to console you and reassure you everything is all right- as long as this isn't a normal occurrence. I'm not saying you're in an emotionally abusive relationship- because I really don't know- but if he was truly invested in you and the relationship he would have reacted differently. You deserve someone who will be there when you're having a bad day and who help ease you out of it. You didn't do anything wrong- no one is a great mood all the time.

[miss_sunshine86]

thank you everyone for your lovely responses.

 

I still haven't heard from him.

 

I tried to contact him for the last 5 days, I am now stopping. After 7 days I will consider my self single.

 

I just can't believe it happened again because things honestly seemed different this time. And 7 months, was longer than any of our previous relationships. i'd met his family and we'd had so many constructive talks about our relationship. Now it's all over.

 

I think I also worry that I will never find anyone else and be alone forever. I've been into this guy for 6 years. I honestly feel like just accepting I am just going to be alone and the whole relationship thing is not for me.

[markie6]

Everybody gets those feelings , they don't last for that long. It's the pain of the failed relationship , when the healing kicks in and you start to think like your old self again, those thoughts disappear

thank you everyone for your lovely responses.

 

I still haven't heard from him.

 

I tried to contact him for the last 5 days, I am now stopping. After 7 days I will consider my self single.

 

I just can't believe it happened again because things honestly seemed different this time. And 7 months, was longer than any of our previous relationships. i'd met his family and we'd had so many constructive talks about our relationship. Now it's all over.

 

I think I also worry that I will never find anyone else and be alone forever. I've been into this guy for 6 years. I honestly feel like just accepting I am just going to be alone and the whole relationship thing is not for me.