miss_sunshine86 Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Hi i think my boyfriend of 7 months has just broken up with me and its my fault. can't stop crying right now. we broke up twice before but we were not together long for those times and this time we were planning a future. it's my fault. i had a bad day i was in a bad mood and i was just being stupid moaning over nothing. and then i called him and he didnt answer. and that went on all day yesterday. now it's over 24 hours since i last heard from him and that hasn't happened in the 7 months together. and last time he did this it was his way of breaking up with me. i know i made mistakes but i know i don't want to loose him, i know whats important and i know i was being stupid about insignificant things.i don't know what to do or how to stop crying or how to stop feeling so guilty for ruining this relationship. please help ,i need to find a way out of how i'm feeling. Link to comment
Lansing Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Sounds like he still doesn't have much invested in this relationship. If it is so easy for him to walk away without even having a discussion with you about the issues he is having with the relationship it sounds like it isn't worthwhile for you to worry about it! Link to comment
miss_sunshine86 Posted April 1, 2012 Author Share Posted April 1, 2012 no it's my fault i just lost sight of what is really important and started worrying about insignificant things Link to comment
DarlingDoll Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Sounds like he still doesn't have much invested in this relationship. If it is so easy for him to walk away without even having a discussion with you about the issues he is having with the relationship it sounds like it isn't worthwhile for you to worry about it! I agree with this. Lansing, I don't think what you did was anything worthy of him to walk away from the relationship. You should be able to be stressed and vent to him without him walking away from a relationship. Link to comment
Mashed Potato Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Hi heartbroken, I think maybe some more detail may be needed. No one breaks up with someone simply because they had a bad day or were in a bad mood. Simply walking out, not answering the phone and making no contact with you is incredibly disrespectful and utterly uncaring. You lost sight of what's really important??? What is that exactly? I would suggest that YOU are really important in the scheme of things and this guy/boyfriend/person doesn't feel that you are. Link to comment
miss_sunshine86 Posted April 1, 2012 Author Share Posted April 1, 2012 I was on the phone * * * * * ing Friday night about not going out enough, not going on holiday and not spending enough time together but when we do spend quality time together it is so nice and thats whats important. then i called him and he didnt answer and that went on all day yesterday (saturday). Now its sunday and nothing. I havent contacted him today. I know its my fault for being a * * * * * but I said sorry I explained I wasnt in a good frame of mind and still I've heard nothing and given his past actions i know this means we're over. Link to comment
Mashed Potato Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 I was on the phone * * * * * ing Friday night about not going out enough, not going on holiday and not spending enough time together but when we do spend quality time together it is so nice and thats whats important. I would think that these are all reasonably significant things. Spending time together whether it be going out, or away together or the one on one quality time sessions are all important. I don't know the background and don't know you either. Do you do your own things without your bf? Do you go out with friends often? Is your BF pretty much your social life to the expense of other things? In other words, do you smother him, or are you constantly on his back about stuff (rightly or wrongly)? I'm taking stabs in the dark here, nothing more. He may simply be an * * * * * * * and you may simply link your own happiness far too strongly to an individual person besides yourself. Link to comment
miss_sunshine86 Posted April 1, 2012 Author Share Posted April 1, 2012 no I go out with my friends a lot, i have a really good career, i usually just see him on saturday/sundays. i know in this conversation i went too far but i can't believe he's gone over it. Link to comment
Mashed Potato Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 i know in this conversation i went too far but i can't believe he's gone over it. What does that tell you about him? Link to comment
miss_sunshine86 Posted April 1, 2012 Author Share Posted April 1, 2012 well i knew he didnt love me... yet. but i thought he would soon. Link to comment
DarlingDoll Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 I agree with this. Lansing, I don't think what you did was anything worthy of him to walk away from the relationship. You should be able to be stressed and vent to him without him walking away from a relationship. Oops, I meant to say "heartbroken310", not "Lansing". heartbroken, after reading what you wrote about how you acted, I still don't think you did anything worthy of him just disappearing like that. This guy sounds like a dud, and you deserve better than this kind of treatment. Link to comment
Mashed Potato Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 After 7 months, you knew he didn't love you? C'mon heartbroken, that doesn't look, smell or even come close to feeling right. Did you really ruin this "relationship"? Seems like your taking the entire burden for something that may not be to him what it is to you. And an inside secret on this type of guy, he KNOWS you're upset right now, and he KNOWS that he can just waltz back whenever he feels like it. Sorry heartbroken, but this is not healthy for you. Link to comment
LoveHurts89 Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Seven months is a long time for somebody to not love you. My current partner told me after about six weeks. You deserve more than this x Link to comment
miss_sunshine86 Posted April 1, 2012 Author Share Posted April 1, 2012 we've talked about it. hes never said he loved anyone before and he said he thinks he will in time. i suppose i knew deep down he may never. he still did a lot of lovely things for me. you know , sweet things. brought me flowers, did my grocery shopping, rubbed my feet, etc. i just feel like i should have kept my mouth shut. Link to comment
Mashed Potato Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 we've talked about it. hes never said he loved anyone before and he said he thinks he will in time. i suppose i knew deep down he may never. he still did a lot of lovely things for me. you know , sweet things. brought me flowers, did my grocery shopping, rubbed my feet, etc. i just feel like i should have kept my mouth shut. All of this pales in comaprison to being loved. And then of course, that all comes with it anyway! Link to comment
miss_sunshine86 Posted April 1, 2012 Author Share Posted April 1, 2012 Yeah, i know. I would have liked him to tell me he loved me. He was more of an actions guy than words. and now his actions are breaking up with me. Link to comment
markie6 Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Sometimes people won't come out with the words , not because they don't feel it , but as a defense mechanism. Often I have found that if you hear the words too soon, they can have less meaning. Who doesn't get swept up in the emotions at the start ? As time goes on, they can feel pressured into letting somebody in, and that can force them to back away. Again, a defensive tactic, sometimes subconciously. It doesn't neccessarily mean you are not loved but it could indicate an unwillingness to be vulnerable, for fear of getting hurt. Just my take after being with somebody who never said the words until after I was let go. It doesn't help you to contiually take the blame, it won't be just your fault. Rarely is in any conflict. You say you have broken up ( 3 times total ? over how long ) before , and yet he has always come back. All is not lost just yet So perhaps you are over reacting a bit, if he has created the distance because of the recent drama, it could be he is shielding himself. Is the drama constant ? or is it not so often ? If he is a run away and regroup sort of guy then you would be best advised to leave him be for now. While he is gone , you need to settle yourself down , try and relax and realise it isn't all your fault. Link to comment
diamond78 Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 His behavior should not be too surprising. I remember the last breakup when your period was late, so you went to talk to him about a possible pregnancy. He told you he wouldn't talk to you about it in case you decided to "trap" him with pregnancy. Then he just disappeared and stopped talking to you!! To me, it is very clear the boy has some serious issues. It is unfortunate you went back to this guy who clearly doesn't have a lot of respect for you and who drops and runs so quickly with no warning. Last time you blamed yourself and you continue to blame yourself for this person's extremely poor behavior which makes me feel you may have some self-esteem issues. I can guarantee that this type of scenario will occur again and again if you decide to take him back. Is that the type of relationship you really want? Link to comment
miss_sunshine86 Posted April 1, 2012 Author Share Posted April 1, 2012 We broke up in 2009, then in 2011, and if he has broken up with me which looks likely now in 2012. He came back but after a year. and that was in september 2011. and we were together for 7 months which is our longest. can't believe it was all for nothing Link to comment
miss_sunshine86 Posted April 1, 2012 Author Share Posted April 1, 2012 Yeah i know. He had promised me he'd changed. We'd even had a few talks and productive outcomes to it. So i thought all that was over and that he had changed. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 You know you deserve more. Your only mistake is not being strong enough to cut him off for good. This man has been disspearing on you for years and you let him every time. Please be strong and cut him off for good. Link to comment
markie6 Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 You know you deserve more. Your only mistake is not being strong enough to cut him off for good. This man has been disspearing on you for years and you let him every time. Please be strong and cut him off for good. Agreed , for your sake. You can't really think he is ever going to change Link to comment
miss_sunshine86 Posted April 1, 2012 Author Share Posted April 1, 2012 I know. But I thought he had changed. He seemed more comitted. introduced me to his whole family. discussed our future. I spent so much time and effort persuading my friends and family he'd changed. and they finally believed it too. now this. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 well i knew he didnt love me... yet. but i thought he would soon. Wow. This speaks volumes. And you thought you would make him fall in love with you by being demanding and high maintenance? You have been together on and off withmultiple breakups. It sounds like he can only deal with you for short stretches of time. He probably gets lured back for his own reasons. And then you start again, awhining about not being taken on holiday? If we talked with him , I assure you that we would get more complete information as to why he backs off repeatedly. He could just be exhausted from your demands. Link to comment
miss_sunshine86 Posted April 1, 2012 Author Share Posted April 1, 2012 No, we didnt break up twice in 7 months. I meant we had broken up twice , ever. We had not broken up in the past 7 months. Thanks for your feedback though. Link to comment
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