Sex drive going downhill since pregnancy

[acidb]

My wife (24) and I (27) had out first kid about 19 months ago. We got pregnant very early in our relationship. Ever since she had our daughter, he sex drive has not been what it was previously in our relationship or in any other relationship she has been in. We have had our ups and downs during the relationship, but now is a very hard time for me. She is now pregnant with our second child, and she is about 10 weeks pregnant. She has morning sickness all of the time. It is worse right after she wakes up and around dinner time. These just happen to be the only times I see her. We are very rarely physical is any way. No cuddling, no kissing, and maybe sex once ever week or two. I understand that she is sick, but I am really missing having physical contact. It is not just about sex. It is the very rare instance of physical touch. The thing that really concerns me is that she has no problem cuddling and kissing our daughter. I am very concerned, and was wondering if anyone else has heard of pregnancy changing sex drive forever. Thanks.

[Moontiger]

Not just having a child, but caring for one is extremely exhausting. May I ask, who is the person who typical gets up at night with the baby? Who carries the baby around all day? Who rocks and cares for the baby when it cries?

 

I have a niece who did not sleep through the night until she was well over a year old. My sister was the one who got up to get her back to sleep every two hours. Sleep deprivation and exhaustion kill a sex drive.

 

I suggest that you start helping out more and taking some of the weight off of her shoulders. This will not only take stress off of her but also make her feel very carried for. Both of these things usually increase a woman's sex drive.

[acidb]

When the child was younger she was a stay at home mom for the first year. We would take turns at night waking up to take care of the baby. Currently, I am always the one who takes care of the baby at night. Since she got pregnant, I take care of all household chores and I take care of getting the baby ready for school. She is a professional nanny, so she does deal with 1-2 babies during the day anyway. I am not sure what else I can help with. I can't make her work day easier, and I do all I can when I am home.

[Seraphim]

With young children your sex life is going to take a decline. It is natural. I think men just don't understand this is going to happen. Growing and caring for babies takes enormous energy.

 

If you were barfing all day would you want to be all cuddly and have sex? Think of the worst flu possible and think of having it for months on end and ask yourself if you would feel like being intimate.

[RedDress]

Have you spoken to her? What does she say the problem is?

 

If you had a child early in the relationship, it's entirely possible that she just doesn't like sex as much as you do. I mean... she wouldn't be the first person who "looooooooves sex" and then... you know... actually doesn't. Very few people will admit to not liking sex (even if they don't). Despite what she says about her past relationships (very few people will admit to that too - they don't want to acknowledge it's their "fault").

 

It could be temporary/fatigue based/etc. It could be post-partem of sorts. Or it could be who she is. I think the only people who really know (or can find out) for sure would be her and her doctor. Does SHE think it's a problem? Has she seen a doctor?

[acidb]

I understand that she is sick and not feeling good. I never push any type of contact on her. Morning sickness sounds awful and I would do anything to make her feel better.

 

She had told me that her sex drive has changed. She knows that there is an issue. She says that she doesn't even think about sex during the day. She use to go to a counselor, but her schedule doesn't allow it now. She has not been to a doctor about this issue.

[Seraphim]

Sometimes the sex drive DOES change after kids. Sometimes this is permanent and a lot of the time it is improves when the kids are more self sufficient( going to school, doing more things for themselves and they do not need to be looked after 24/7.) It takes a lot of body and brain power to raise and look after kids. It leaves you exhausted.

[Moontiger]

Let me say, you sound like a fantastic partner!!! I think there are things going on multiple levels here, she is working and taking care of a baby, plus her body has probably gone through a lot of hormonal changes. I think she should see a doctor and you both should see a counselor to work thought this,

[RedDress]

She had told me that her sex drive has changed. She knows that there is an issue. She says that she doesn't even think about sex during the day. She use to go to a counselor, but her schedule doesn't allow it now. She has not been to a doctor about this issue.

 

Sounds like it's time to MAKE her schedule allow for it now. Or perhaps even just a doctor's visit or two. Do you have time you can take off of work so that she can tend to her own health? Is there someone (a parent, caregiver) you can call in to help her make these appointments?

 

It's not just about the sex. It's about connecting as a couple. It's about stress relief. It's about her feeling great and sexy about herself. It's about taking time to be a person - not just a mom.

 

Very important.

[thejigsup]

Why does she need to see a doctor? Losing your sex drive when you have a small child is perfectly normal. I had no desire for sex intil my son was almost three-years-old. I guess that is hard on you, but it is perfectly normal.

[acidb]

She is a professional nanny she doesn't really get days off. I can take days off pretty easily. We were going to couple counseling as well, but the new job stopped that because the place was only open 9-6 M-F.

 

I am actually glad to hear that losing your sex drive is normal. I have seen a lot of break ups, and sex is always the first to go. I am totally willing to help her through this time. I was just being paranoid about it lasting forever or getting worse. Through the past few months I have noticed that I like having that physical contact with my partner.

[tattoobunnie]

Typically, the 2nd trimester is when you are revved up to go again. I'm due any day now, and my first trimester...feeling gross and tired does not make you feel sexy. Though, I always want to have sex, even as I am days away, but the parts do not work like they do, and honestly, right now, it's hard for me to orgasm. But 2nd trimester, we tried to get it on as much as possible, because we knew by the third trimester, and the baby being here, it would be hard. We went on trips, did romantic things...you always gotta make her feel sexy. While some women may not have a high sex drive after having a child, I believe physical intimacy is important even if you aren't getting off at the time. I'd talk to her about it. And whatever you do, always tell her how beautiful she is...how sexy she is. It will only better your chances when you do that. Everyone tells me how amazing I look, and I did gain all of it in the belly, but I feel like and move like a cow, and my feet and ankles...yikes...

 

Oh, and one more thing, I am normally an affectionate cuddler, but boy, my first trimester, pattern touching drove me crazy. That was hard on my hubby, cuz he loves to give and receive it...and then third, I was good about it. Hormones, sensations, sensitivities...it does make things different. Hang in there! And remember, "You're so hot!" goes a long long way.

[thejigsup]

I had always been a very sensual woman but from my 4th month to when my son was a little over two years, any man that came near me got kneed in a sensitive place. I was breastfeeding and just didn't want to be touched by a man at all! When my son was about three, I returned to my normal self and have been there eve since.