Am I doomed to be a maid for life?

[Batya33]

I heard a psychologist I respect say many years ago on the radio that if you can afford a cleaning person and that removes some conflict from marriage, do it. I couldn't agree more. Especially since we have a small child, my husband is not good at cleaning and I don't want him to spend his time cleaning when it could be spent with our son (he works many many hours a week) or on one of the other many things on our to do list it's not a battle I choose to "fight". He does some cleaning and what he does is very helpful.

 

I can't get much cleaning done during the day with a 3-year old afoot and I already do a few hours almost every night (other nights closer to one hour like the day the cleaning woman comes). I also know that our cleaning people do a far better job of deep cleaning than I can. If we get into a situation where we can no longer afford a cleaning person twice a month at least, we'll have to deal with it then.

 

I don't resent him for not doing house cleaning - I do have a problem with his clutter which is helped somewhat because of the cleaning person -we have to clean up for her and her staff - and that is an issue we discuss and work on and will continue to work on.

[Circe]

^^ I think it's different: a) when you have a house with a yard; b) when you have kids and thus more mess and less time.

 

I would get a cleaner when either or both of a) and b) happen to me. I wouldn't get a cleaner while living in an apartment without kids. Especially if the cleaning money could be spent on things I'd prefer to spend it on. That's the thing. If you are both happy with spending the money on a cleaner - of course it's a good idea.

 

If one or both of you would feel that you are missing out on something you should be able to afford or missing out on building your savings because you have to pay for a cleaner when you don't want to - that's different. You can get the cleaner and feel less stressed about the mess and that's great - but what happens to the resentment you keep building up because you cant afford some other thing you wanted because the cleaner is doing what you feel your partner should do?

[OptomisticGirl]

I agree with Circe. I don't think we'd ever be able to afford to hire someone to come in and clean - and I'll be honest, I wouldn't WANT anyone else in my house cleaning because I'm such a control freak when it comes to cleaning a certain way - but if you have kids that obviously takes more time than if your just a child free married couple. I've lived with a guy who refused to clean on a basic level, it's hard.

[Batya33]

I have a feeling my situation is different because by the time we got married and had a family we were in our 40s and both were excellent savers for many years prior. We also spent next to no money on our wedding/honeymoon. I didn't have a cleaning person when I was single and living in an apartment. Since I do have to deal with the clutter/pack rat issue I am glad not to have to deal with cleaning on top of that.

[Mercurial Girl]

I agree with Circe. I don't think we'd ever be able to afford to hire someone to come in and clean - and I'll be honest, I wouldn't WANT anyone else in my house cleaning because I'm such a control freak when it comes to cleaning a certain way - but if you have kids that obviously takes more time than if your just a child free married couple. I've lived with a guy who refused to clean on a basic level, it's hard.

 

I used to do residential cleaning...and let me tell you...you don't want anyone else cleaning your house! *shudder*

[Batya33]

I used to do residential cleaning...and let me tell you...you don't want anyone else cleaning your house! *shudder*

 

I would shudder if someone else didn't clean my house because I'd imagine all the places I didn't have time to get to. My son is three -he's never had a fever since he's born, and has one-two colds a year and no other illnesses yet. I am sure part of that is because our house is relatively clean/hygenic. The people who clean my house work really hard and I can tell without a doubt that they've been there, cleaning. Most of my friends use a cleaning service too.

[Mercurial Girl]

I would shudder if someone else didn't clean my house because I'd imagine all the places I didn't have time to get to. My son is three -he's never had a fever since he's born, and has one-two colds a year and no other illnesses yet. I am sure part of that is because our house is relatively clean/hygenic. The people who clean my house work really hard and I can tell without a doubt that they've been there, cleaning. Most of my friends use a cleaning service too.

 

I'm not talking about quality of clean or anything like that. I'm just saying once in a while, they might use a cloth to clean your toilet, then carrying that cloth downstairs notice "oh look at that switch plate, so dusty!" and without a second thought take that cloth that is already in our hands and wipe down the switch plate. And no one would tell you if they dropped your toothbrush in the toilet, on the floor, or somewhere else mucky. Just little things like that that can be overlooked when you're cleaning for a living. Trust me, it happens and it doesn't matter how good the cleaner is. I was the best cleaner on the team, and I'm 100% sure I committed crimes like these at least a few times.

[OptomisticGirl]

I'm not talking about quality of clean or anything like that. I'm just saying once in a while, they might use a cloth to clean your toilet, then carrying that cloth downstairs notice "oh look at that switch plate, so dusty!" and without a second thought take that cloth that is already in our hands and wipe down the switch plate. And no one would tell you if they dropped your toothbrush in the toilet, on the floor, or somewhere else mucky. Just little things like that that can be overlooked when you're cleaning for a living. Trust me, it happens.

 

I use to be a housekeeper in a hospital and yep, even happens in a professional setting.

[Mercurial Girl]

I use to be a housekeeper in a hospital and yep, even happens in a professional setting.

 

HAHA! It's...uhh...good for the immune system...? lol

[OptomisticGirl]

HAHA! It's...uhh...good for the immune system...? lol

 

It's really easy to make the mistakes too (like the toilet/light switch) thing. I've caught myself doing it and having to go back over and resanitize.

[Circe]

Oh man... the things we wish we'd never heard about ;-) lol

[redrose85]

Thank you OG, for resanitizing :S

 

I have cleaned hotels a few times before. EW. Gross. Yuck.

[OptomisticGirl]

I don't think I could do hotel. Hospitals aren't bad but hotels? Ew, no.

[Lonewing]

Dusting, window cleaning, and all that other little vanity work just seems to be a waste of time after a while...maybe a good vaccuum of the carpet now and then, and a washing of the tile floors, but otherwise, don't make it dirty and you won;t need to cleanit so often...

[turnera]

I recommended way early on this thread that the OP use a chore chart, but when the issue is fear of communication, sometimes that doesn't work. Of course, in a perfect world, couples would feel free to speak freely to each other. But if that were true, we wouldn't need forums like this.

[Batya33]

I'm not talking about quality of clean or anything like that. I'm just saying once in a while, they might use a cloth to clean your toilet, then carrying that cloth downstairs notice "oh look at that switch plate, so dusty!" and without a second thought take that cloth that is already in our hands and wipe down the switch plate. And no one would tell you if they dropped your toothbrush in the toilet, on the floor, or somewhere else mucky. Just little things like that that can be overlooked when you're cleaning for a living. Trust me, it happens and it doesn't matter how good the cleaner is. I was the best cleaner on the team, and I'm 100% sure I committed crimes like these at least a few times.

 

 

I know it happens -I've read about it. Luckily my whole building uses the same cleaning service and with wonderful recommendations - we've also seen them in action -they would't want to mess up as you described, risk someone blaming an illness or problem on them and lose all that business (and anyway, we have a very friendly relationship). I don't think they do what you described. And yes, dirt and dust can strengthen the immune system but if there were e-coli bacteria on my bedroom surfaces I would think someone would have gotten sick in the 2 plus years they've been cleaning here twice a month.

[Mercurial Girl]

if there were e-coli bacteria on my bedroom surfaces I would think someone would have gotten sick in the 2 plus years they've been cleaning here twice a month.

 

I cleaned residential for 2 years, averaged 4 houses per day, and now I clean construction homes and still deal with nasty diarrhea-bombed toilets. Back then, I am sure I cleaned a toilet and then stuck my fingers in my mouth (bad nail biter) and/or ate food later without hand washing (ugh so so gross) and I haven't gotten any e-coli poisoning or related illness. Also because the homes I now do are in various stages of construction, sometimes there is no running water to wash my hands in when I'm done and I have to rely on hand sanitizer for some time until I get to the next home. If I haven't gotten sick from handling feces on a regular basis, I doubt your family would have from having a cleaner in twice a month. That doesn't mean it hasn't happened in your home. I don't care how good their reputation is, or how aware the cleaners are, this crap (buahahah) still happens, and I would be willing to bet my life savings that it has happened in your home too!

 

This is way off topic though - hiring a cleaner wont resolve this (if you'd even want to hire one after all this!), because this is a problem of allowing yourself to be taken advantage of, and it's going to come up many more times over the course of OP's life.