Work.. or dates? Which comes first?

[blueidealist24]

I'm just wondering what you guys would do if, hypothetically, you had what you thought was going to be a really great date planned and then your boss said you had to work. Would you try to reschedule the date or tell your boss you absolutely couldn't work at that time? What if your boss pulled this more than once, causing you to have to reschedule on the guy multiple times? This has never actually happened to me but I'm always worried it is going to happen. The rational side of me would tell me to always choose work, especially if I don't know if things are going to work out with the guy and I already know things are working out at my job, but the emotional side of me would tell me to go out on the date or I might be missing my soulmate. Anyway, how would you people handle a situation like that? Late night wonderings, haha.

[daniel001]

Depends.

 

Sometimes deadlines and things pop up so work (career) has to come first. We make sacrifices. BUT, work/life balance is vital. If it became habitual, well, that isn't a good thing and a good boss wouldn't allow it to become habitual. It also depends on your line of work.

 

If it was a special date then I'd tell work that sorry, I have commitments pre-planned. Or I'd talk to my GF or sort something out. There are always options to these things.

[WockaWocka]

I would try out some responses along the lines of:

 

Boss: I need you to work late tonight

You: (pause) OK. I will cancel my other plans.

 

The trick is to say it matter-of-factly without the least bit of emotion.

 

Another option:

Boss: I need you to work late tonight

You: I have dinner reservations that would be difficult to cancel. Could I possibly come back to the office after dinner tonight to finish?

 

This shows that you are flexible and a hard worker, and still lets you go on your date. Ideally after a few instances of this he will give you more advance notice.

 

Finally, if these last-minute demands become a habitual pattern, then I would try approaching him every Monday to ask "I am making plans for the week, are there any particular days you anticipate needing me to stay late?" That shows you are being proactive, reminds him to give you earlier notice, and hopefully avoids you having to cancel too many dates.

[bri427]

in my experiences....i wish i chose work first. if the date or guy/girl is worth it then they will have no issue rescheduling. perfect date is about the date itself, not when it happens. work is what pays for that date however haha.

[Circe]

Reschedule unless its a special event like a birthday. [For me, I would not miss my husband's birthday - but if the shoe were on the other foot and a very important work thing came up - I'd genuinely rather reschedule that too than cause him the stress of missing the work thing just for my birthday which can be celebrated the next day/week]

 

Ultimately, if this is a job that requires you to work late hours often - that's something you have to let her know from the outset and she has to be comfortable with that if it's going to work for you both - unless its a job you are hating anyway and looking to get out of.

 

If it's a once-off thing - definitely reschedule.

[Circe]

I would try out some responses along the lines of:

 

Boss: I need you to work late tonight

You: (pause) OK. I will cancel my other plans.

 

The trick is to say it matter-of-factly without the least bit of emotion.

 

Another option:

Boss: I need you to work late tonight

You: I have dinner reservations that would be difficult to cancel. Could I possibly come back to the office after dinner tonight to finish?

 

 

I like the first one but the second one is risky. A lot of bosses might let her go but still consider it a black mark against her name for prioritising the dinner.

[daniel001]

isn't it all a little strange though. i mean, let's think about it for a minute. we are choosing to work over spending time with our loved ones. i know it is more complicated than that but ultimately...and i'd usually work too but is just worth thinking about.

[Circe]

isn't it all a little strange though. i mean, let's think about it for a minute. we are choosing to work over spending time with our loved ones. i know it is more complicated than that but ultimately...and i'd usually work too but is just worth thinking about.

 

Yeah - we are making this choice not because we prefer to work but because our loved ones love us enough to wait or re-schedule or go without sometimes; our bosses do not. And we need to work to survive. It's sad but it's reality, isn't it?

[Stay_home]

In my field it's not really an option. If we're required to stay late, we stay late. If however hell has frozen over and I'm being given an option, I'm going out. Not because of the date, but because this cuts into my personal time. So even if I was just chillin in the house on the sofa. My time.

[lavenderdove]

I'd take a third option... find a new job where the boss doesn't jerk you around. If you never know from day to day what he is going to demand from you and can't even plan a date without the boss constantly doing things that demand you spontaneously work late or have to alter plans in your personal life, then what you need is a new boss and a new job!

[journeynow]

Hypothetically, I'd schedule really great dates for Saturday night. I'd come in early on Saturday and work if needed, but would keep the date. A week night date I would most likely reschedule, but I would use discretion. The situation might allow for another solution than just working late. (Sometimes, taking a break from work, socializing, relaxing, doing something unrelated, helps me to come back to work on project much more efficiently and creatively.)

[Batya33]

Whenever I planned a date during the work week or on a weekend when I might have to work I made it dependent on work -if it was something like theater tickets I tried to tell my boss in advance to make sure I could go -however if an emergency came up I always chose work -I chose a job and career that required that level of sacrifice. I think it helped my dating mostly because it screened out those men who weren't willing to accommodate my schedule -only a few

[lila...]

Work, without a doubt. It's also a good test to see if the guy I'm going on a date with cares enough to reschedule or not.

[orchidrose]

My boss very rarely asks me to work extra hours (he's very into a having a happy work-life balance), but there are times that I have to work late because my job is heavily based on deadlines. My boyfriend also has a similar job in that respect. We're both apologetic when we get stuck at the office, but keep each other updated. Luckily most of the time we're able to just push back the date instead of cancelling altogether.

[Tom1990]

For me, it depends on the work and it depends on the date. If it's someone I'm just getting to know, then I'll reschedule. If it's a steady gf, I'll likely say no to work...UNLESS the work is huge, there's a deadline, stuff's going down, whatever. Then work comes first. UNLESSSSSSS the date is something planned far in advance and it was going to be something special that we both were looking forward to. In that case, work can take a hike.