In need of serious advice/help!!!!

[adegraw222]

Two years ago, I met James. He is a traveling magazine salesman, meaning he sells magazines door to door, state to state. When I met him I immediately fell inlove with him. Everything was going great until he decided two weeks into our relationship he was going to go back on the road. This happened numerous times, and each time I would be completely deveasted because time and time again he would say he was done with that and going to get a real job. Each time I would believe him. He met my parents once, they automatically judged him based on his tattoos. Saying he didnt sell magazines he sold drugs. It didnt help that everytime he left, I would fill them in on everything he ever told me, including the fact that he did drugs, and had a warrant out for his arrest. They hated him instantly. Anyway, James and I have been through alot together. I love him with all of my heart despite what he has put me through. James has a habit of when he doesnt get his way he calls me horrible names, and starts with his comments about my family, or threatens to leave again. Recently, I found myself jobless, homeless with my three year old son. My family refused to help in anyway. I told James and he came back home and told me he was done selling magazines and was going to finally settle down and be with me. I was thrilled...after all this is all I wanted for the past 2 years! I even had my IUD removed in hopes I would have a baby. Since I didnt have an apt, we were living in hotels, and with some of his family. Since his mother hates me with a passion. Anyway, my family basically disowned me since I was with him, I dealt with nasty conversations between him and my mom, and felt as if I was in the middle, and had to choose. I was not allowed to see my family at all because I heard negative things about him. James and I fight alot, over stupid stuff mainly. And he hurts me by calling me horrible names and says hes going to leave, and often does. One night in the hotel room, we were fighting over facebook and a girl that left a comment on his page, he said he had enough and was leaving. I was enraged and yes I do have a bad temper...and slapped him in the face. He hit me 3 times in the face. I was so upset and didnt expect it because this is unusal and has never happened. We talked it over and decided to work it out. 3 weeks later, yet another hotel room... he told me he was going to his moms and needed my car (he does not have a license it was suspended) and he had been drinking, actually a whole bottle of vodka. He said he would be back by 12:30am 2 hours. Instead of fighting I always let him have his way. I said okay take my phone so I dont worry. A nervous wreck I waited up for him. An hour later, he showed up. And I could tell he was messed up. He had a bag of coke in his hands. And it was obvious he had been doing lines earlier. He began telling me about how two girls wanted him to stay where he was and stuff I didnt need to hear. I told him to get rid of the coke. We fought for about 15 minutes...waking up my son. I tried to get the coke from his hands, and it fell on the floor. That resulted into him punching me violantely in the face, and my son watching. I begged him to stop, as I noticed a large amount of blood, and began choking on it. Two hours later, I found myself in the ER, coming up with a completely different story about the incident saying I fell down the stairs, Doctors didnt believe me and kept asking me if someone hit me, I denied it. A catscan was done, and my injuries were a broken nose, 2 black eyes that bulged, sprained wrist, and severe concusion. We decided to work it out, I was scared. Anyway my family found out about it and wanted to play superman and get him away from me, mom threated him with the cops and since he had a warrant he left. Now I find myself extremly depessed and wanting him back, because I love him. We have talked. Hes staying with his sister... I dont know what to do. My family says if I get back with him I lose my family. Again im being forced to chose, and I can not see myself without him in my life, as disturbing as that may seem. Someone please help me...and I dont need a lecture!!

[stuka80]

What do you see in this guy? He puts you down by calling you names when he's mad at you and worst of all, he's physically violent with you as well. In addition, he does drugs, comes home drunk and does all this in front of your son. He has absolutely no respect for you and your family is absolutely right in wanting him out of your life. You can do so much better, dont let your emotions blind you. Have some self respect and dump this * * * * * * * .

[Hollyj]

You're homeless and you want another child???? Are you serious???

 

How can you consider remaining in this environment? He is a drug user, abusive, wanted by the law, unstable. Surely, you want more for you and your child????

What happens when he starts beating on your kid? Are you going to stick around?

 

Get some help quick! This guy is a loser and might end up killing you! Time to love yourself because this guy does not give a damn about you!

 

Time to get your life together!

[lezlak]

i get it. i did this once. i had a guy who i dated....he drank too much and did drugs. he had warrents out and used me like it sounds like you are being used. he was a mess all the time. almost never sober. and it got violent. we used to get into fist fights on a regular basis. so much of our house was trashed and we ended up living in the scuzzyist apartment ever. i didnt care. i still loved him.

 

its not as easy to just walk away even if you know it is unhealthy. i was not able to do it. i was losing my family over it as well. i ended up being forced to because he went to jail. i even went to visit him and he tried to get me to smuggle tobacco in for him.

 

after having some time away from him i started spending time with other people who i used to care about. it was really hard. but that time is what saved me. i realized what i was doing to myself and that it was not going to get better. he was not going to change eventhough he said he would every other day. its been almost 3 years....he was released recently...and i ran into him. he was drunk and high.

 

your family sees something you dont right now. give them a chance and take a break. dont see him for a couple months and you can think about it objectively and see what you need to do.

[WhiteLotus]

All I have to say is that, if you stay with this guy, you will eventually end up dead or severely injured (emotionally and physically) beyond hope of recovery. Get out now before he decides it's okay to abuse not only you but also your child. You might have feelings for him but he doesn't respect you and he will NEVER change, I guarantee it. Also please please please either get birth control pills or another IUD, because if you end up pregnant it will give him an even stronger hold on you and the child will not have the opportunity to have a loving and involved father.