How to TRY to get an ex back...

[Thorshammer]

You're right it's been quite a while that she's been feeling like that but to me I thought we had a different understanding.. Unfortunately I ignored it which led to this. Stupid of me because that's not what I wanted at all. Are you saying getting too comfortable is a part of pulling in? From what I read I was unsure of the part where you said staying at home all the time with her, letting themselves go, etc. is part of pulling or pushing? I felt like I pushed her away with neglect and not listening to what she had to say, not focusing on our relationship.

 

I dont know what shes thinking, and i dont know her to judge. Thats why my advice was pretty general, and i was pretty clear in saying that you really need to have studied your relationship so that you can understand what went wrong.

 

Staying in can be seen as pulling for some (especially if its in her house, or you expect her to stay too, or get angry or annoyed when she doesnt), or not (some introverted women wouldnt care, but it would still be wise to have space), like when i stay home and decide not to go out with friends- some people might see that as me not having a social life, i am seen more often by her, my whole social-world is my gf (even if its not, she might see it that way), when before we dated seriously, i was out with friends, and she was wondering what i was doing, who i was with, and how much she misses me. Basically, distance makes the heart grow fonder, these help spark attraction, though small, it worked in my relationships, with me being out and getting a text from her saying she misses me, or her going out and me waiting for her and building up all this energy to jump her bones. My last ex would shove me to go out, her words actually explained to me how much distance makes us miss each other (especially if you have a gf who is an extrovert). My relationship started going completely downhill when i kept sleeping over, and stopped going out. Even if this isnt seen as pulling, it can still be seen as pushing away - and this isnt games, this is healthy, you need an external social life other than your gf. .

[Gaval]

I understand what you're saying, she has her life and I don't restrict or get mad at anything.. she goes out with her friends and tells me what she's doing and that's it.. I tell her to have fun and same goes for me. We have developed that over the years and I really enjoy it. Although we live together we part our ways every weekend for family and friends. So I wouldn't say I was with her all the time but the times when we did live together I have school and so does she so we don't go out much and spend a lot of time together at home. Studying, watching movies, or just hanging out. So there was a pretty balanced push and pull. I'm an introvert so I like to spend time at home and I would think she's a mixture, sometimes she's extroverted but she's mainly introverted too as she likes to spend time at home but not too much.

 

This is why I feel like the reason was true and I see that, I wasn't pulling enough and somewhat neglected her. But at the moment I also feel like I'm hurting things by being her friend.. I just want to know if there's some progress but I feel like the fact that I'm being there and hanging out with her it's helping her through this time and making it easier.. If not making it easier at least allowing her to have too much control that she can have me whenever she wants. This is why I feel like I might need to go no contact even though the reason of the break was because I wasn't there for her. Not sure if this is the right thing as it could make it seem like I'm not there for her even more but at the same time the other way also feels like it might slowly go the way I don't want it to.

[Starrs]

Just wanted to say thanks for this magnificent post, that brought a smile to my face on a difficult day!

It will take some time to go through all 43 pages but I'm determined to go time traveling and fix me

[frc77]

thorshammer has alot of great advice. Check out coach corey wayne on youtube he gives great advice on attraction and how it plays a role in relationships.

[Thorshammer]

Np problem guys, glad to help.

[mysty]

I think I started getting a little needy texting him like a extra text if he didn't reply the last week with my ex and thats why he broke up with me and when I said I love you by mistake even though he said it first maybe it was lust. We've broken up nearly 3 months he's tried to contact me three times. Twice this month and once last month. The first was a hook up message I responded stupidly and even was thinking that was a way to get him back and texted him he replied but it didn't happen luckily. He blocked me on whatsapp after made it clear I didn't want that and I wasn't thinking straight at the time. About 4 weeks later early November he texted me "Are you awake?" I ignored didn't see it til the morning he reblocked me. A couple days ago he texted me "Hi" but I ignored this time he didn't block me. Should I initiate contact? or wait and see if he tries to contact me again? it seems he's more interested when I ignore and he has a girlfriend who he got with soon after.

[Thorshammer]

You are both into games and you are both confused. It seems you dont even have a good healthy starting point to fall back on. Plus, i dont understand what you wrote.

 

He has a gf, and he tried to hit you up for a hookup, and only reacts to you when you play games - what exactly do you think a relationship with this guy would be like? Doesnt seem like candy and roses to me.

[mysty]

You are both into games and you are both confused. It seems you dont even have a good healthy starting point to fall back on. Plus, i dont understand what you wrote.

 

He has a gf, and he tried to hit you up for a hookup, and only reacts to you when you play games - what exactly do you think a relationship with this guy would be like? Doesnt seem like candy and roses to me.

\Oh right I tried to give a brief description to keep it short.

 

Here's a better one .

 

He broke up with me 2 months ago. We had a very strong and intense chemistry and connection. We got on so well and we were good together an met up a lot. He asked me to be his girlfriend after like one date but I decided only after the 3rd date . He had really strong feelings for me said I love you after about 3 weeks and said it a lot. ) we were still so close and got on well always texted each other . During the last week I did start to initiate messages more and if he didn't reply I'd send another text. I randomly decided to text him I l love you. He didn't reply until I sent a text about another thing, Then the next day he said he's scared how things are moving between us and he didn't want a relationship til he met me. I don't know what it is. I'm afraid of hurting you and myself I'm just confused. I replied back he wasn't saying anything else so I kept messaging him about 3 times in a row in the space of 2 hours. In one of them I said "I thought you were a good guy. Though we had a connection but I don't want to be messed around by a guy who doesn't know what he wants. The next day I sent a long message then a replied saying Like I honestly don't know what's going on in my head. I really don't. I hurt when you said "I thought you were a good guy" I am. I've always treated you right. I just don't know what I want in life right now. I hate my job and most of my life to be honest. I'm not the right guy for you you deserve way better" I tried contacting him each time to be ignored. I stopped contacting him he text me "Wanna hook up" I replied stupidly the next day in a joking and he was being serious about it. During the week I decided to text him to see what he'd say he was up for it just to see as a joke but in the end decided to block me on whatsapp. I sent a text him apologising for the hook up message. I also sent "I still think of you and wonder how you're doing" no reply . so I moved on the beginning of this month at 2am he texted me "Are you awake?" he works the night shift in a hotel. I ignored the message he blocked me again. Last night he unblocked me and texted me "Hi" it's still unblocked. We sort of just got together too quickly and went fast. I don't know if it's worth texting him or not.

[Thorshammer]

This is a post about trying to get YOU back and with a "plan" to attempt to get an ex back - but the ex has to be someone of value. This guy imo isnt.

 

You became needy and he lost attraction. He likes to pull with distant women - that keeps him attracted, but you pulled him in instead and didnt stop. He is probably insecure, this is what insecure people do where they search out people of high value that can push away their insecurities, if you are needy, you lose value and therefore no longer give him a boost to his ego.

 

But, you probably dont care about that. Well, in my first post it says to become what you were that attracted them to you originally - and thats when you werent needy and he was probably still trying to attract you. Avoid contacting him, if he reaches out to you then speak in friendly terms but always seem busy or like you have something else going on - just keep in mind these are games, and you will fall flat again if it does work and you go right back to being needy and clingy. You dont want to deal with a guy that you have to play these games in order to keep him interested in you, plus... on average, these type of people do not make good partners.

[mysty]

Thanks for that yeah I totally agree with everything you just said didn't realise that he'd be a game player. An the more I think about it it was only when I started initiating texting him occasionally when usually I'd let him text me he was pretty much in control, I got bored of the whole I have to let him do all the initiating let him be in control thing. Yeah it's not worth playing games just going to leave it an not reply to anything like I've been doing and just continue move forward . I did think he was worth it before but what you said makes so much sense now.

[Thorshammer]

Thanks for that yeah I totally agree with everything you just said didn't realise that he'd be a game player. An the more I think about it it was only when I started initiating texting him occasionally when usually I'd let him text me he was pretty much in control, I got bored of the whole I have to let him do all the initiating let him be in control thing. Yeah it's not worth playing games just going to leave it an not reply to anything like I've been doing and just continue move forward . I did think he was worth it before but what you said makes so much sense now.

 

Yes, and there are more people like that. Take this as a lesson on what to avoid, some people need to mature - and hes one of them.

[MW3434]

Thor,

 

This is a really good thread and I tried to read a lot of it. I was hoping you could go a bit more in depth with me about the delicate way to handle contact when it was me who pushed her away from neglect. She felt I didn't change and is hurt and left me, despite still having feelings for me. I am working on myself and correcting the personality traits that need corrected and which I have finally understood. No contact would be healing process both for her, and me...but I also feel like I should fight for her to show her just how much she means to me. I have tried apologizing, telling her what I have learned, how much I love her, etc....and she is not talking to me and says basically this is what she had to do and its too late. I'm hoping time heals but I also want to be proactive in getting her back. I'm at the point of just no contact now.

[Thorshammer]

You have no choice but to go NC and heal. The ball isnt in your court right now, and no magic spell word can save it. You can go the friends route, but this can stunt your healing, and it might not be an angle that many people can be strong enough to handle.

[Geekinthepinkx]

I love your threads! My bf for 4 years broke up with me and started dating his co worker and im on 3months NC

[Raoul]

After a traumatic divorce, I found that I could love again. In the Spring of 2010, we met. We started off slow and found ourselves in a great relationship. Though we aren't kids, (I am now 62, she is 59) we went through Limerance and kept a very hot and solid relationship going despite the complexities of our lives (former spouses, kids, grand kids (her), busy work and social lives.

 

She was completely plugged into my world - my kids, family, friends. I was less in hers - never met her kids and only a friend or two of hers. We traveled, spent a lot of time together, were 'there' for each other - all of it. We had discussed moving in together and seemed to be going in the same direction on nearly all life aspects. We made a great couple.

 

In the early Fall of 2011, her life got yet more complicated when she lost her job. I was helping her get going on finding a new job, with personal finance issues and being what I thought was a great guy, friend and lover.

 

But... She began breaking dates. Between October and December, we went through three different weeks (separated by a week or so) of broken promises, broken dates and flubbed re-schedules. Every reason (excuse?) from her was plausible given how life works. After the second one, I explained that those hurt, that I looked forward to being with her and had serious letdown a when both initial 'dates' and subsequent re-schedules failed. And I told her clearly that (selfishly) I wasn't sure if I could have us go on that way.

 

In early December 2011, in a single week she: last minute cancelled a Tuesday date, re-scheduled for Thursday. She broke the Thursday date and agreed to a Saturday trip with my kids to visit friends, cancelled the Saturday date in favor of Christmas tree shopping, agreed to a Sunday date and cancelled that due to 'car trouble'. All plausible, well maybe excepting that Christmas tree thing.

 

Well, I broke and just vanished from her life. She did call once a day or two later leaving a five word voice mail. It hurt like a Hell to do this. But I couldn't handle it.

 

Since then, during 2012 and 2013, I made several, maybe half-hearted efforts to re-connect with her. But, from her end, I guess she's 'done' and won't follow up beyond a phone call or tell me to get lost. Two months ago, I sent her a sort of 'goodbye, wish it could be different' note as a Facebook PM (the only way we were talking at that point). No response.

 

I'm not quite pining here. Yet I do think of her often and would really like to see if we can get back with each other.

 

Yes, it's been a while. Yes, I was a bit of a s*** at the end.

 

So, longer than your year-and-a-half Thor.

 

And I guess I 'pushed' as you say.

 

What say you?

[Thorshammer]

Ask yourself this... if the shoe was on the other foot? Or, better yet... a whole different cast of characters except the guy is cancelling on the woman all the time? The woman would be empowered to leave. I sometimes believe men are harder on themselves because they feel like the big bad guy that society says hurts the sweet and gentle feminine woman. I say this because more often that not, a guy in your position would be called needy and clingy, while the woman would be coached in believing that the man is not interested or is playing games. Reason i bring this up is because i get a lot of messages from men asking if they are the ones that pushed away, while messages from women are saying they had to push away : both are usually very similar situations.

 

You communicated your problem, she didnt try to fix it. Unless you wrote all of this fueled with emotion over logic (and skipped her side of things)- then you are right in what you did. She is not stupid, she knows the reason you left - dont let her wash her hands off of this and point the finger at you, you arent the bad guy in this picture. She failed to communicate time and time again.

 

As for what this relates to my original post. She was pushing away it seems, unless she has something psychologically wrong, or is a horrible planner and lacks empathy for others - then she was losing focus, which in my book means she was pushing away, at least emotionally more so than physically. I would have at least tried to explain things as to why you did it... but really, you had her and told her you didnt like how flakey she was becoming... it didnt change.

 

So dont believe you were the one pushing, you were actually pulling. People want to believe they are the pusher because they see a glimmer of hope in being the one who pushed it, because those who push also blame themselves, and they believe that in themselves they can repair what was wrong and win her back, or at least protect the ego.

 

You were good to her, she should at least respected that, and had the empathy to understand your situation.

[Raoul]

So dont believe you were the one pushing, you were actually pulling. People want to believe they are the pusher because they see a glimmer of hope in being the one who pushed it, because those who push also blame themselves, and they believe that in themselves they can repair what was wrong and win her back, or at least protect the ego.

 

Thanks Thor. I never thought of it quite that way. I did try to 'pull' some. I don't think I supplicated or begged. I just said that I (in my view a bit selfishly of me) that I couldn't take it and didn't know what would happen if it kept up (which it did).

 

Maybe I'm a sucker for 'closure' and maybe I (stupidly) think we can move towards one another again.

 

Any ideas for that?

 

BTW - your insight is impressive!

[Thorshammer]

I cant really answer that for you Raoul, no one can, you and her were the only one there. I notice that after my breakups i was clueless, and i was half-explaining what happened to people. Next month, another revelation came, in a year - more answers came. You can be in a high emotional state - even years later, that your logical mind takes a back-seat... or, you are scared of thinking logically because many people cant take a logical answer because it hurts too much - and when it "hurts" that just shows we are running on emotions far more than logic.

 

Try to find what happened, analyze any changes in your behavior and hers - note any changes. Like literally go back in time and replay everything. Ask yourself if you were the same man doing the same thing when she was attracted and attached to you - did that change? If so, then maybe that broke off some of the attachment she had to you, if you were the same, then its something inside of her (maybe she wasnt that interested, or she loses interest quickly, or there is some mental disorder like depression or anxiety or stress (could make sense with her losing her job), a strange epiphany, someone pulling her away from you, etc.). Everything is all detail, and no one can provide you exact details but you or her - my post is only there to maybe nudge you on the path to find a general why its over, and what you can try to understand and possibly work with that "why".

[Raoul]

I will do as you ask Thor - I'll take that trip in your time machine. I will admit though, I am terrible at figuring out what others are thinking. I just try to observe behavior instead. That leaves me without much to go on here.

 

You are very right. I didn't give her side of the story because I don't know much beyond what I saw and the talking we did around the time.

 

But the time machine should help. Thanks!

[captaindrey]

Im not sure if the TimeMachine approach will work for me. We are on friendly terms and besides a few long texts and a couple of emails in the first week, I haven't really pushed it on her. Im still healing and she texted me just yesterday about something trivial and i was short and polite. It set me back but Ill come out of it stronger. I have been working on myself. I didn't think i was really a push guy but looking back at what she told me, I was without even realizing it. I didn't do a lot of things for her. As I like to put it I gave her 50% because i thought she was supposed to come up with the other 50. It took me a second to realize its always 100 and 100.

 

Anyway like i said i have been working on myself tremendously. I have quit smoking, started working out, reading, cooking, and being more social. Its still a work in progress. My mentality is this:

If I could go back and change something about the past, I probably would leave it alone. I think if she stayed, I would never have had the realizations that I've had this past month and a half.

 

I am close to her family and to her friends. Everyone liked me so i think I'm good in that department and its not a struggle ill have to face if we see each other. Mostly I want to be better than who i was when she first met me. I realized my personality and lifestyle in general left something to be desired. I think that this was the biggest lesson of my life.

 

Im thinking of waiting a month or so as she is in her new career and sending her a letter. I typed it up today, I guess as a reaction to her reaching out yesterday, but I won't send it unless I'm ready. I also considered sending her family member an email explaining why i haven't been in contact with them after saying i will call. I typed that out too, but have not sent it. Im not going to post any of the letters on here because i don't want to feel like I'm turning in a paper but its mostly a thank you, I'm sorry, and I wish you the best letter. It does say that i am in a way, glad it turned out like it has and that if we come accross each other, i hope I can repay her for the thank yous, and make up for the sorrys.

 

Its more of a close ended letter though as Im not expecting a response. I want her back and I understand she may not come around but I need to tell her how I feel. If not to make her think twice, but at least to let her see the door is cracked and to reassure her she did the right thing at the time. I wouldn't be in the physical and mental state I am now if she didn't leave. Emotionally Im a mess but Im using it as to fuel my motivation.

[4dogs]

How about this situation?

 

My ex and I recently broke up after a 5 day trip together. It was miserable. I was miserable. The reason I was miserable is because I suffer from depression. These were supposed to be five days together alone before she went to another country for her sister for a month. When we got home, she broke up with me. She said she wants me to get better but she thinks she makes things worse for me and she makes me miserable. She said I should take this time away from her to work on myself without the added pressure of a girlfriend, she wants to be there as a friend while she is gone. Which, is sort of true. I project my bad feelings onto her and therefore am not exactly happy around her. After that initial break up I did not speak to her. Two days later the day she is supposed to leave she texts me asking if I want to borrow something of hers (which also means I will have to see her when she returns to return it to her.) She comes over and gives it to me and I hug her goodbye. She tells me feel better and when I ask why do you say that, she replies with "I just want you to be happy." Since she has been gone we havent spoken or any contact outside of her "liking" things of mine on social media. I have done none of this and not spoken to her. She told me she would let me know how things are going but I haven't heard from her. Too soon maybe? It's been only a couple of days. How should I proceed?

 

In the whole regard to the time machine approach, I am seeking help to better myself to get back to the way I was when we first started dating. Not only for her, but for me. I don't wanna be miserable anymore.

[Thorshammer]

As far as how your post relates to my original post - you have to understand the break- up, and note what changed in your behavior. If you did push, a little pull could help. But, if nothing changed in your behavior, and everything was on a normal path with no deviation - then the relationship was on the fence, or she has some switch that shut off recently.

 

Regardless, i also recommend breaking NC at some point if she doesnt. Just for your own sake to get it off your chest and leave on the note you wish to leave on.

[Thorshammer]

How about this situation?

 

My ex and I recently broke up after a 5 day trip together. It was miserable. I was miserable. The reason I was miserable is because I suffer from depression. These were supposed to be five days together alone before she went to another country for her sister for a month. When we got home, she broke up with me. She said she wants me to get better but she thinks she makes things worse for me and she makes me miserable. She said I should take this time away from her to work on myself without the added pressure of a girlfriend, she wants to be there as a friend while she is gone. Which, is sort of true. I project my bad feelings onto her and therefore am not exactly happy around her. After that initial break up I did not speak to her.

 

A depressed girlfriend breaking up with me is the reason I am on this site to begin with. Depression, either from the dumper or dumpee is a situation that is hard to manage. It is outside of the advice i gave - i think i made a point about depression or anxiety as being outside the scope of the post.

 

Two days later the day she is supposed to leave she texts me asking if I want to borrow something of hers (which also means I will have to see her when she returns to return it to her.) She comes over and gives it to me and I hug her goodbye. She tells me feel better and when I ask why do you say that, she replies with "I just want you to be happy."

 

Leaving something can be easily interpreted as a "anchor" to get her to reach out again. But, i thought the same with an ex - i left an expensive bottle of liquor in her apartment. I could have used that as a reason to see her again, but i never did. She told me she would keep it and give it to me when i asked. It could have been anything from my perspective. If she actually allowed you to borrow something just to borrow, then yes, i would see this as an future conversation starter.

 

Her saying for you to be happy could mean she just really means what she says. I thought about leaving my ex because everything i did was wrong - and i had to deal with being the "bad" boyfriend for the first time in my life - and that just made me angry, frustrated and REALLY bad as my fuse became super-short. I have dumped her before over her depression, and i have returned to her thinking the time-away would fix her perspective of me (and there were countless times i contemplated breaking up with her in the 3 years we dated). I wouldnt hold on to what i just said as proof she would come back - or anything i say for that matter.

 

Its always possible she wants to go on the trip feeling free and carefree and your somber state wont allow it. She wants to cut the link between you so she can enjoy herself. Having no responsibility that she needs to report to is very liberating, and when you are on vacation = liberation is what you are looking for and paying for.

 

Since she has been gone we havent spoken or any contact outside of her "liking" things of mine on social media. I have done none of this and not spoken to her. She told me she would let me know how things are going but I haven't heard from her. Too soon maybe? It's been only a couple of days. How should I proceed?

 

In the whole regard to the time machine approach, I am seeking help to better myself to get back to the way I was when we first started dating. Not only for her, but for me. I don't wanna be miserable anymore.

 

Focus on yourself, thats what you need to do. There is no quick-fix for a human to return back to a human. If anything, her return will increase based on you repairing yourself, and on her own motivation to return to you despite the issues.

[Lexy83]

 

If you pulled too much... hard situation. You need to push away yourself and show less interest. This is obviously not an ideal situation, and its hard to keep contact and attempt to re-attract, but not show too much interest. You need to avoid being their safety-net, this just boosts their confidence, and fuels their boldness to take extra steps with their new lover. You need to really display only friendship, but hint at attraction. You need to avoid some calls, cut convos short, etc. If you show you are interested and chase, then it will create a safey-net for her, dont do this... you are better off going NC if you cant handle it (I know i cant) and hope the relationship doesnt last.

 

 

Hi Thorshammer,

 

I believe a lot of things you say make sense and I value your opinion so I was hoping you can give me more advice on the above matter.

 

MY STORY: we were together for 1 year, we had a few arguments through our RS, but nothing big. He has got very strong feelings though so whenever we argued he would disappear for like a week or 2 until he calmed down and then he would reach out to me and we would be happy again. The last 2 months prior our BU I could see that he was trying to improve, towards the end of december we had an argument but we talked it through and he promised me he would never ignore me again but would instead try to work things through. Nevertheless, I got angry at him a few days later because it didn't seem like he cared that I was ill. I realise now that I became needy and insecure, the opposite of what I used to be, I used to be so independent and confident and carefree, all things that he loved about me.

Anyways, he again disappeared after I told him off. Exactly is 2 weeks later he came to a place where I go out, I saw it as his attempt to reconcile but I avoided him. At that time he met a girl, 10 years younger than me. I know his emotions were strong so I knew he couldn't just forget about me. In the next few days he posted a love song for her on FB, then once he posted how happy he was, then he posted something on his mums wall to get to me... the he put his RS status as in RS with her on FB, the next day he posted a pic of them kissing. He has always been against this public showing of affection, especially on FB, plus he only just met her. So this was all during the first 10 days after meeting her. I am so proud of myself for not reacting to any of this. This was all well over a month ago and since then he hasn't done anything else on FB. She is never seen with him, he hasn't introduced her to any of his friends, on FB she looks like the most clingy person on earth (ex: she wrote on his wall that she doesn't know what she would do if he didn't kiss her that day). He always dated older women, he was always very proud of me, he introduced me to all his friends right away, we were doing all sorts of things together... It all looked like a rebound to me, but of course I might be wrong. Also, we had great sex together, he had a lot of women in his life, yet he always said that sex with me was the best thing ever and really out of this world.

 

So I kept NC for almost 2 months and then I sent him an innocent text. He waited almost 4 days to reply (I kind of expected that knowing him), for the second one he waited half a day but has been very talkative since then. I was not replying right away, I also waited even a few days a couple of times. His first text was kind of neutral, leaning towards positive, but every text since than has been more and more positive. It's funny because I know he keeps opening Whatsapp just to check if I read his text/If I am online etc (he vary rarely uses it otherwise, but has been since I texted him). His replies are all quite long compared to mine, he constantly uses smileys. He even indirectly complimented me a few times, saying that he finds it really cool that I started working out so hard especially because I don't really need it with the body I have etc.

 

All in all, he seemed very interested in what I have been doing and he seems like he is enjoying talking to me. I have been keeping the convo light, positive and friendly... but it is hard to keep a good balance. as you say, I don't want to become his text buddy, becoming his safety net and/or just boosting his confidence. How do you know the difference? What signs should I be looking for? My last text was quite short, yet he replied quite a lot. I feel like maybe I need to slow down, wait maybe a few more days before replying?

 

Any advice will be much appreciated since I see you have experience in all this.

[Thorshammer]

1 year relationship, and he vanishes in-between arguements, arguments that you claim are nothing "big". And his behavior with this new gf is very strange and rushed. And to top it off he is talking to his ex while hes in a relationship.

 

Why would he be worth the effort?

 

I also dont know what you are saying. One minute you say it might be the neediness, but his new girl is needy? You have to figure out the issue first, otherwise its shooting at the dark.

 

Well, youd have to resort to the dark-arts---- oooo miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind gaaaaaaaaaames. Push and pull his attention, have long chat conversations, then the next day dont chat as much and apologize because you were out and didnt want to be rude to your company, but be very vague as to what you were doing or who you were with. If he is exactly how you wrote him, then whipping out games might leave an impression and imo - be deserving because i dont think hes worth it. Any talks about his ex you congratulate, any issues about her - side with him, tell him hes right and he deserves more, but never insult her - because that is an obvious sign of desperation. You have to act like there is a window for him... but its shrinking everyday and if he doesnt act, you will vanish... so yes, its a tight rope balancing act.

 

This isnt cute advice, but neither is vaguely asking how you can steal your ex back.