shuttterbug Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Hi everyone! Not sure if you remember me but I posted almost a year ago: enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=369052 I got some GREAT feedback from this site, so I appreciate everyone that gave me their insight. Anyway! I moved to be with my boyfriend in June and have been living here ever since. I moved in with him and his roommate and we just found our first apartment alone. In fact, just got back from cleaning it up! Moving in was NOT easy, but WORTH it. Why? Well, first of all, when I first got here he was set in his ways of doing things and I resented him a bit. We got into a few squabbles in the first few months and my best comeback was always "I MOVED HERE FOR YOU!" (This works well if you're in my position! Not to mention the having another male roommate was another stressful situation by itself too. Creating a new life to be with someone is a huge sacrifice you should be ready for. I would cry (privately) and miss my friends and family at times, feel lost in a new city, and had a job I hated at first. He realized I made a huge change, and really cooperated with me to be more patient and modify certain habits I would call "bachelor-life" habits (long time playing video games, cleaning etc). It's NOT easy! If it is, you're the exception! I realized though, this is going to happen whether or not you're in a LDR. It's just about adjusting to someone, giving them space, knowing how to cooperate-basic human coupling living habits. I must say, I sometimes think back to when we were commuting for hours to see each other, got so excited to be together, etc and miss that a bit. But nothing compares to being with him here now. I think the LDR helped our relationship SO much. I recommend an LDR to anyone and everyone that is in that situation. It helps you realize what you want from someone, and what you'll do for someone. You get to TRUST them on another level. And-looking forward to BEING with that person means so much more. My advice is to have an end in sight. Be with that person even if it means you're broke sometimes (I would spend all my money on gas & travel). And don't be afraid to take that leap of faith if it FEELS RIGHT. It felt right for me. It still does. Even during our mini rough patch, it was still right. You'll know. We talk about marriage and kids and just have the best time together. He is truly my best friend. We spend so much time together, being silly-laughing and loving each other. I truly wish the best for those of you in LDR. I have hope for you, and just know- there are success stories, so do not be discouraged!!!! Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Is it REALLY a healthy relationship if your using a passive aggresive move such as 'I moved here for you?' I'm not sure if htis was your first time living with someone but yes, it takes time to get use to living with someone. I'd be 100% sure he doesn't resent you for coming in and trying to change him completely. Link to comment
shuttterbug Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 Of course its a healthy relationship. Just because I made that comment doesn't mean it isn't. Do those in healthy relationships argue? No, I didn't "change" him, nor does he resent me. In fact, when we talked about it, he realized that he had been a little selfish. Anyone who has a person that is willing to change their entire life to move to be with them should be a bit more sensitive and accomodating to welcome them into a completely new situation. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Of course its a healthy relationship. Just because I made that comment doesn't mean it isn't. Do those in healthy relationships argue? No, I didn't "change" him, nor does he resent me. In fact, when we talked about it, he realized that he had been a little selfish. Anyone who has a person that is willing to change their entire life to move to be with them should be a bit more sensitive and accomodating to welcome them into a completely new situation. Of course people in healthy relationships argue - but there is also healthy arguing and bad arguing. Using the fact you made all the sacrifices and he has to change because of that is seen as a passive aggressive way of getting your way. And yes, people should be welcoming and accomodating to a person who moves (I don't see me moving 4,000 miles as changing my life to be with my husband) - the way you wrote the post had an air of he had to change everything for you. If that's not what you meant I apologize - just my first impression. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 So refreshing to see such a positive post about LDR! I've been thinking about it. In the near future perhaps me and my bf may go thru it, that is if he is willing to put himself in that situation. You always hear really negative feedback and advice. I guess it does help that (from what I understood) you guys didn't have to do it too long (more then 1-2 years I'm assuming?) Still! Congrats on the move, and wishing you guys all the best. Link to comment
shuttterbug Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 So refreshing to see such a positive post about LDR! I've been thinking about it. In the near future perhaps me and my bf may go thru it, that is if he is willing to put himself in that situation. You always hear really negative feedback and advice. I guess it does help that (from what I understood) you guys didn't have to do it too long (more then 1-2 years I'm assuming?) Still! Congrats on the move, and wishing you guys all the best. Thank you! Best of luck to you and your boyfriend. I got a LOT of negative feedback about it--but honestly, I ignored it as best as I could and went with my gut. Worst case scenario, you (or him) moves back home.. It helps to have a good support system back home in case things turn sour. I was lucky in the sense that my job wasn't anything spectacular, my lease was month to month, and school was on hold. So its not like my life was all sorts of extraordinary back home.. I could see it being tougher for someone that is more settled in life. Still-it's very much worth it. Life is far too short..that's super cliche but true. We were together when I was 20, but broke up and reunited and together this time around (I'm 27 now) about 9 months only before I moved. Not long at all. But I know him, and his family..we stayed friends in the interim. Thanks again, and you can do it!!!! Link to comment
thejigsup Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I've moved for a bf a few times and have always regretted it. I have never found a man who was as wonderful as my hometown. I've lived in three different countries and seven different states and I have never found anywhere that was even close to living in SoCal. I love my home and no one will ever take me from it again. I am glad you are happy where you are and I truly wish you luck, but I have always come home in the end. There is "No place like home" for me. Link to comment
anna0511 Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I also just moved to the other side of the world to be with my LD boyfriend. I went from a city of 1.5 million to a city of 10.5 million, where I don't have friends or family, nor can I speak the language. So far, it's been an adventure and so much fun. I'm learning a new language, discovering a new culture, making new friends and getting to know my bf within the perimeter of our tiny apartment. There are hard bits to it for sure. I miss home dearly, and I've jokingly used the "I came here to be with you" line, but only in good fun and I don't regret my decision (yet!). This isn't a permanent move though, and eventually I'd like to go home or somewhere closer to it, but now I'm young and I'm taking everything as an incredible opportunity to live abroad. The great thing is that we're both flexible about where we're going to live in the future, and it's fun to imagine what's next! Link to comment
shuttterbug Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 That is really great! It sounds like a smooth transition for you and that you're making the best of it! My friend moved from the states to NZ and had a really rough time adjusting. I think she actually is considering moving back. Some people adapt a lot better than others I suppose. You're lucky your bf is flexible with moving- Mine has told me if I'm not happy here, we can move elsewhere (just not where I'm from, he lived there for 10 years and hated it Good luck to you and your boyfriend! @thejigisup- At least you tried it out. I would've regretted my decision if I threw in the towel and just said, "OK, I'll stay here." Plus, to be honest (and I don't admit this to him ever)..where I live now with him is great. SoCal as well. Oceans, great weather (was 70 degrees last week), fun places. Where I'm from will always be home though..I totally hear ya there. When we visited for Christmas, I got SO upset that we had to come back here.. But coming back to ridiculously warm, short sleeve weather was incredible-not going to lie Link to comment
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