What I've learned in my 50 + years about reconciling

[Eocsor]

I'm 51 years old now and I've seen a lot of my friends go through breakups and divorces. I've been through a couple myself and I've reconciled once and this is what I absolutely know. It's not much.

 

1) The vast majority of couples don't reconcile

 

2) No one on the face of the planet can tell who will or won't reconcile

 

3) There is no plan or method that can get your ex back. It's all touch and feel. And thats only if they still love you. If they don't, nothing you say or do matters.

 

Thats it. Thats all. All the rest is total BS. So I'd say to you, do what whatever you want to do. Because at the end of the day, only you have to live with yourself.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I totally agree.

[diamond78]

The idea of reconciliation is very simple. As long as both parties still have feelings for each other, it can easily happen. You don't need any real special formula. The hard part is just making the relationship work once the reconciliation occurs.

[pippy longstocking]

I don't always agree with you

 

but today I do

[Eocsor]

The idea of reconciliation is very simple. As long as both parties still have feelings for each other, it can easily happen. You don't need any real special formula. The hard part is just making the relationship work once the reconciliation occurs.

 

I'd dissagree with that. Even if you love each other reconcilliations are still rare.

[Eocsor]

I don't always agree with you

 

but today I do

 

You should always agree with me because 99 times out of 100 I'm right. Actually more like 100 times out of one hundred but who's counting.

[mhowe]

There is nothing simple or easy about a reconciliation --- and honestly, the love part is the easiest.

 

Unless you possess a great deal of empathy, forgiveness, and compassion --- and even if you do ---it may be one of the hardest tasks you will undertake.

Unless you are willing to commit to the energy, communication and long term goal --- it may not be worth the effort.

 

If, after searching your own heart, you are still willing to try ---while it may be one of the biggest challenges in your life --- the rewards justify it in the end.

Except --there is no end!!

[lemsip]

You should always agree with me because 99 times out of 100 I'm right. Actually more like 100 times out of one hundred but who's counting.

 

haha true, true...

[feenyx]

I love #3.

 

I wonder what Doc Love would think of that. Quoted from Wiki: "He also blames this phenomenon for the fact most divorces and breakups are started by women, and says men need his System and to be more of a Challenge."

 

Geez...

[camus154]

Doc Love doesn't give advice on getting your ex back.

[sweety39]

Eocsor I agree with you that reconcillations are rare .But,I also agree with the Diamond78 that even if it happens, the hardest part is to make the relationship work

In my experience ,when I broke up/divorced I lost trust in that person .My belief is when someone can abandon you once they can and will do it again .When you lose trust its very hard to regain the trust ang hence reconcilations rarely work

[MnSnR]

I'm 51 years old now and I've seen a lot of my friends go through breakups and divorces. I've been through a couple myself and I've reconciled once and this is what I absolutely know. It's not much.

 

1) The vast majority of couples don't reconcile

 

2) No one on the face of the planet can tell who will or won't reconcile

 

3) There is no plan or method that can get your ex back. It's all touch and feel. And thats only if they still love you. If they don't, nothing you say or do matters.

 

Thats it. Thats all. All the rest is total BS. So I'd say to you, do what whatever you want to do. Because at the end of the day, only you have to live with yourself.

 

 

Hear, Hear.

[diamond78]

I'd dissagree with that. Even if you love each other reconcilliations are still rare.

I didn't say reconciliations were common or rare. There's no way for me to know or to prove how often reconciliations occur. Knowing how often it actually does occur isn't an interest of mine as I've seen reconciliations happen and I've also seen breakups be final. We all have.

 

All I do know is if that two people still have that mutual interest in each other, then the possibility for a reconciliation is there. There's no real big secret behind that.

 

But the bigger factor to me is just whether both parties are willing to put in the time and effort to make the recon happen and to maintain a healthy relationship together again once a breakup has occurred.

[The Man Who]

It's quite funny as I always agree with Eocsor!

 

I just want to add something here, anyone that misses their ex and wants them back I genuinely want them to succeed, I really do but 9 times out of 10 when I log onto this forum every day, the period of time where people haven't spoken for is an insignificant amount of time(in my view) possibly between 3-8 weeks. Just how much can you logically not necessarily change but improve your life, get back your confidence/swagger that probably left you in the relationship, get into a routine without your ex when folk are then back with their ex in such a short space of time.

[dumPI]

what about people meeting again some years later? I don't think they love you after that much time. Or maybe ithat is not reconciling but starting something new which is "easier" after a long time. Anyway what about the feelings then?!

[doiiiieeezie]

what about people meeting again some years later? I don't think they love you after that much time. Or maybe ithat is not reconciling but starting something new which is "easier" after a long time. Anyway what about the feelings then?!

 

The problem really is that people hold old grudges and will not let go of the past. I know many who have gotten back together with their ex, including myself (on 2 different relationships) and the problem was that the issues of the past were never worked on. I do believe that whether or not the person loves you, two people can reconcile but you really need to let go and expect nothing. Then you can work on actual issues that will make your relationship stronger

[rapunzel]

I'm 50 years old and I agree, Eocsor!

 

And if they loved you, they would (most likely) not reject you. Food for thought.

 

And if you are a woman, and you were rejected by a good looking man over 50, and you are 50 or over (even if you are good looking), he is not coming back. He is most likely trying (hoping) to meet women 10 - 20 or more years younger than you. Such is life. ;-)

[Eocsor]

I'm 50 years old and I agree, Eocsor!

 

And if they loved you, they would (most likely) not reject you. Food for thought.

 

And if you are a woman, and you were rejected by a good looking man over 50, and you are 50 or over (even if you are good looking), he is not coming back. He is most likely trying (hoping) to meet women 10 - 20 or more years younger than you. Such is life. ;-)

 

Some men do but not all. I'm 51, my girlfriend is 49. A smoking hot 49 but still 49. I, in my relative youth dated someone 13 years younger than me. I was 40, she was 27. I swore never again. too much of an age and experience gape.

[rapunzel]

Yeah, I know - not ALL 50+ men do this. But the ones who have a toned, tall muscular physique and have a chiseled, handsome boyish face, a full head of hair with just a touch of gray (my ex) - those ones might. Try, that is. Whether or not they are successful is yet to be determined. He dated a woman 15 years his junior for about 4-5 months last year. I know his goal is to be with a much younger woman, WHY? Ego? (yes) Fear of mortality? (probably). He is going on a vacation/retreat with a group of people who are all between 28-34. He is 52.

 

I agree, large age gaps usually do not work - at least not for me.

[lanaa]

Yeah, I know - not ALL 50+ men do this. But the ones who have a toned, tall muscular physique and have a chiseled, handsome boyish face, a full head of hair with just a touch of gray (my ex) - those ones might. Try, that is. Whether or not they are successful is yet to be determined. He dated a woman 15 years his junior for about 4-5 months last year. I know his goal is to be with a much younger woman, WHY? Ego? (yes) Fear of mortality? (probably). He is going on a vacation/retreat with a group of people who are all between 28-34. He is 52.

 

I agree, large age gaps usually do not work - at least not for me.

 

 

Well most probably that girl will end up meeting a younger guy so he will taste his own medicine

[resilient7]

The problem really is that people hold old grudges and will not let go of the past. I know many who have gotten back together with their ex, including myself (on 2 different relationships) and the problem was that the issues of the past were never worked on. I do believe that whether or not the person loves you, two people can reconcile but you really need to let go and expect nothing. Then you can work on actual issues that will make your relationship stronger

 

Yeah but how can you let go of those grudges if like one poster said that if they did it to you once then chances are they will do it again.I will naturally have my guard up if i WERE to see my ex after not seeing her for 3 yrs.Id have to get the mother of all apologize for abandoning me the way she did.And Im not talking about abandoning me as my ex GF but she abandoned me as her Friend.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Yeah, I know - not ALL 50+ men do this. But the ones who have a toned, tall muscular physique and have a chiseled, handsome boyish face, a full head of hair with just a touch of gray (my ex) - those ones might. Try, that is. Whether or not they are successful is yet to be determined. He dated a woman 15 years his junior for about 4-5 months last year. I know his goal is to be with a much younger woman, WHY? Ego? (yes) Fear of mortality? (probably). He is going on a vacation/retreat with a group of people who are all between 28-34. He is 52.

 

I agree, large age gaps usually do not work - at least not for me.

 

Bryan Ferry from the group Roxy Music, is in his mid-sixties and he just married a 29 year old woman! She is actually the ex gf of his own son! I wonder how his son feels about that one! Apparently Bryan Ferry always dated much much much younger women. Some men never grow up!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Yeah but how can you let go of those grudges if like one poster said that if they did it to you once then chances are they will do it again.I will naturally have my guard up if i WERE to see my ex after not seeing her for 3 yrs.Id have to get the mother of all apologize for abandoning me the way she did.And Im not talking about abandoning me as my ex GF but she abandoned me as her Friend.

 

The term "holding grudges" has a very negative tone to it. Sometimes in life someone does something to you that is unforgiveable and it is not wise to trust them again. Is that "holding a grudge" in a negative sense...or is it simply making sure you don't get close enough for them to hurt you. To me holding a grudge is when something is minor, like the relationship ends because the two people drifted apart so there was a break up. However, if one person cheats, lies, ends the relationship because they found someone else, and any other form of serious betrayal, then it comes down to protecting yourself rather than the issue of holding grudges.

[roadrunner12]

I'm 51 years old now and I've seen a lot of my friends go through breakups and divorces. I've been through a couple myself and I've reconciled once and this is what I absolutely know. It's not much.

 

1) The vast majority of couples don't reconcile

 

2) No one on the face of the planet can tell who will or won't reconcile

 

3) There is no plan or method that can get your ex back. It's all touch and feel. And thats only if they still love you. If they don't, nothing you say or do matters.

 

Thats it. Thats all. All the rest is total BS. So I'd say to you, do what whatever you want to do. Because at the end of the day, only you have to live with yourself.

 

Words of Wisdom

[Live-N-Learn]

Some men do but not all. I'm 51, my girlfriend is 49. A smoking hot 49 but still 49. I, in my relative youth dated someone 13 years younger than me. I was 40, she was 27. I swore never again. too much of an age and experience gape.

 

I am 50 and my ex that brought me to this site 2 years ago was 22 years younger than me. I too swear I will never do that again. Most painful experience of my life when we broke up. It was def an ego boost but in the end it really had very little chance of success.