dark angel9 Posted January 1, 2012 Share Posted January 1, 2012 Me and bf went to a NYE party last night. He is always touchy feely with girls (espically pretty ones). It annoyed me for a long time but I have somehow managed to push it back and ignore it. Last night, when congratulating NY to people, he hugged this really hot girl from behind (that he barely knows) and lifted her up and spun her around. I seriously don't get why he has to go overboard like that. Everyone else gave each other a brief hug and kiss on the cheek. Later on, when I was talking to my brother on the phone he decided to go over to another girl (that he also barely knows) and take her hand and pull her on the dance floor to dance with her. I feel like this inappropriate behavior for someone in a relationship. There were other couples too, and nobody's boyfriend acted like that, not even when drunk. It's not that I am jealous of any girl in particular. I feel that he is being disrespectful to me. I talked to him about it. He claims it's not sexual and he is just being friendly. Somehow it seems that he is this way with a) pretty girls only (never fat ones) b) he doesn't act like that with guys. Thoughts? Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted January 1, 2012 Author Share Posted January 1, 2012 I just want to add that when he met a couple of my friends few months ago, he decided to put his hand on the small of their back when walking behind them. I feel this is an intimate gesture (again, those friends are pretty). Why does he have to do this? It seems like he can't help himself Link to comment
scared and alone Posted January 1, 2012 Share Posted January 1, 2012 No. NONE of that is OKAY. Tell him to STOP THAT. He is making excuses. Just. no. He sounds shady to me. Sorry. But that is NOT normal OR OKAY. Link to comment
EmotionalCreature Posted January 1, 2012 Share Posted January 1, 2012 That's simply inappropriate, disrespectful with a dash of not caring how you may feel. I can get a little touchy feely at times but hardly like that even when I was single (talking about putting hand on the small of a girl's back uninvited). Have you both been in a relationship long? You should talk to him about it because obviously it bothers you, if he cares enough about you he will at least change some of his ways. Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted January 1, 2012 Author Share Posted January 1, 2012 Is it worth breaking up over? Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted January 1, 2012 Author Share Posted January 1, 2012 We have been together for year. He promises now that he will change, but I seriously don't want to watch him like a hawk when in group settings. It's draining and stressful. I am leaning towards dumping him over this and finding a guy that knows where boundaries lie naturally. Link to comment
chickydoodle Posted January 1, 2012 Share Posted January 1, 2012 It is awful that it is something you have to verbalise as not being okay. And then in talkng about it , you will feel controlling. And when you go out , it s unsettling to think that he is aware you are watching him and must behave. It puts you in the underhand position . You will not know if he is genuinely resisting urges just 'cos you are watching him ( and unable to relax and have a good night)- or if its 'cos he has no desire(unlikely). The fact he needs his ego stroked by touching, dancing wth pretty girls - at the risk of being highly inapropriate, insensitive and disrespectful to you is not a nice sign. It would be a deal-breaker for me ( at this stage of my life-older/wiser) but if you are young and have time on your hands, you could see if he changes and the change comes from within- rather than being something he feels he is being made to do . Link to comment
LONDON Posted January 1, 2012 Share Posted January 1, 2012 We have been together for year. He promises now that he will change, but I seriously don't want to watch him like a hawk when in group settings. It's draining and stressful. I am leaning towards dumping him over this and finding a guy that knows where boundaries lie naturally. If you have to watch him like a hawk when you're out with him imagine what he gets up to when you're not around! All that touching is just inappropriate. I'm sure he wouldn't feel great if guys were doing that to you in his presence. I would get rid of him he can't be trusted. Link to comment
joffie Posted January 1, 2012 Share Posted January 1, 2012 Once a flirt, always a flirt. You cant change him - he will never change. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted January 1, 2012 Share Posted January 1, 2012 You know, i really hate guys who think they have a right to treat your (or someone else's) body like it's an amusement part for him to grope/grab anytime he feels like it. It's downright rude and embarassing, and that girl he grabbed from behind probably hated it too. I'd sit him down ONCE and tell him that though he may enjoy it, most women hate it when some guy just feels he has a right to grope or grab them anytime he feels like it. It's not friendly, it's aggressive and overstepping personal boundaries and not respectful to you or the other girls he grabs or gropes. It doesn't matter whether he sees it as 'friendly' or 'sexual' or not, if he is laying his hands on women and grabbing them then it is not appropriate, uninvited and very well not appreciated and awkward for the person he is groping. And sadly if he keeps doing it, then you may have to dump him because he doesn't think it is wrong and enjoys it so much he'd rather do it than treat women with respect. It's not just a matter of respecting you, it's a matter of respecting women in general and their right to not be manhandled in general. I'd put it to him that way, and if he still does it, then he obviously cares more about the thrill he gets from his pervy little grabs than he does about you or other girls, so i'd throw in the towel. Link to comment
replytome Posted January 1, 2012 Share Posted January 1, 2012 I think its worth breaking up over. You will turn into a green eyed monster otherwise, convinced that the problem is with you. Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted January 1, 2012 Share Posted January 1, 2012 Wow - this is definitely inappropriate. Your bf has no respect for you, nor does he have respect for the other women out there. I suggest having another talk with him and let him know that you don't appreciate his behavior. If he refuses to change, I think you should find someone more suitable for you. Kudos for still tolerating this behavior for so long, if it was me, I'd drop him a long time ago. You deserve to be with someone who focus all the time and energy on you. Link to comment
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