my ex is a monster

[UniqueSoul]

My ex is a terrible man. He lies to women, he cheats on women, he treats them like meat, and OF COURSE, he is asking about me again. every few months he will contact my best friend through facebook messages--calling her cutie and sexy, and then popping the question about me.."how's she doing, what is she up to, blah blah." Then a few days later i'll get a message and then he and i were end up fighting about how s***** he was to me. We broke up in 2008, and i am in a relationship now, but i still have so much resentment towards him and what happened in our relationship. I hate him.

I needed to vent.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Why don't you hit the delete button and ignore his messages. Focus on your current relationship, which I assume is much better, rather than engaging your ex in dialogue. By arguing with him you are giving him what he wants...attention. He is like a dog who misbehaves because they think negative attention is better than no attention.

[Eocsor]

You are a grown woman and are quite capable of ignoring or blocking his messages. I think you like the contact. Why else would you engage in something that you say is so revolting.

[mindi]

UniqueSoul,

 

He is always going to do this to you, men like this are really screwed up. Block him in every possible way he can contact you. Create new email accounts, change your phone number, change facebook account, etc. Ask all your friends to block him and not talk to him. Tell them if they insist on speaking to him, not to speak to him about you!!! If my abusive ex from 2002 had a way to contact me and pull this * * * * , he would. He tried about a year ago and I immediately blocked him.

 

I don't know why it is, but they try to hold on and control as much as possible. It drives him nuts that you have moved on. DO NOT let him talk to you.

[Seraphim]

You control this situation, not him. Ignore all messages, block all messages and ask your friends not to discuss him with you. The contacting problem is solved.

[Unknown1607307972]

My ex is a terrible man. He lies to women, he cheats on women, he treats them like meat, and OF COURSE, he is asking about me again. every few months he will contact my best friend through facebook messages--calling her cutie and sexy, and then popping the question about me.."how's she doing, what is she up to, blah blah." Then a few days later i'll get a message and then he and i were end up fighting about how s***** he was to me. We broke up in 2008, and i am in a relationship now, but i still have so much resentment towards him and what happened in our relationship. I hate him.

I needed to vent.

 

This sounds almost exactly like something my best friend had with her ex. I was the lucky friend getting the inappropriate "hey sexy" messages followed by the "so how's *friend's name*?

 

I told her to stop replying to him when he messages her, even if he says something to provoke her, because he basically just wants attention. He wanted to get her to contact him and if making her angry was the way to do it then he was willing. This man was a nasty guy, he flirted with all her friends when they broke up (especially me...probably because I'm her best friend), brought up painful and sensitive issues from their relationship to provoke a response from her, withheld money that he owed her to use it as an excuse to keep in touch with her. He kept harassing her years after they broke up even though she was and still is in another relationship.

 

She began totally ignoring his messages even though it was hard as he'd wind her up and she'd get mad and want to defend herself. I ignored the messages he'd send me too. He seems to have finally given up now after several years. I think you should do the same thing. Tell your friends to ignore him or to refuse to talk about you at least and ignore anything he sends to you, no matter how difficult it is. In the end he'll give up, it may take a while but he will in the end if you completely cut him off.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Amazing what these guys do to get attention. They don't want an honest to goodness relationship, they just want to stir up trouble to get noticed. Reminds me of the children in school who are not interested in learning, they just want to sit in class making enough noise to get everyone to stand up and take notice of them

[abitbroken]

tell your friend to do the same - delete his messages.

[BellaDonna]

I'm not sure why your friend would be keeping him as a facebook friend unless she likes the attention????

 

If she is a good friend and she doesn't like the attention, if you ask her to delete him she should do it in an instant, without question. Have you ever asked her:

 

"Hey can you kindly delete him. He makes me sick and I don't like the connection he has to me through you. I want full no contact"

[UniqueSoul]

thanks for everyone who commented. i appreciate the advice. i dont have intentions on talking with him, but when he does get me riled up and angry, i always want to defend myself..you know? if you dont defend yourself nobody else will. its a tough situation emotionally.

[blueyedblonde]

Hi UniqueSoul

 

I wanted to write you, because I not only feel your pain, but I think we may have the same EX. LOL Mine did the same to me. He lied and that began right away. He had so many red flags, yet I didn't run in the other direction. My own fault really. Then the cheating began. We broke up in 2009. Sadly (I am not proud of this) I began talking to him again this last year. He apologized for things he had done. That didnt mean I had to involve myself with him again. I was hoping for a changed man. All he was doing was killing some time. He was so rotten to me a few years back, that when I showed fear that it might happen again, he didnt try and assure me he would be a good man to me. He didnt say he would be patient with me, if I was patient with him. He didnt console me, knowing the hell he put me through back then.. no, instead...

 

....he told me he didnt need it. He didnt need "my" drama and crying. Then, as he was letting me know he was still dating, he dropped me again. As I said, it was my own fault. I really wanted to believe he wanted to try for me. That maybe, he did love me somewhere deep down. But....

 

I am venting tonight like you too. Because I think back to every time that man blew smoke up my a** with his lies and b.s about how he "tried". He never tried a thing. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck.. it's a duck. A cheater and liar will blame the person he cheats on and lies to, on them. You may have experienced this. My ex told me had I not have been so jealous, insecure, he would have remained faithful. (nice, huh) And most women (men too) will even second guess themselves. "Maybe they were right.. maybe if I had done that different, that wouldnt have happened." It's all B.S. I had one better than a cheat and liar, I had an egotistical narcassist. He has an inferiority complex, but would never let on about it. So, he compensates.. with filling his life with women and stuff. That makes him feel better about his pathetic existence. That is, one of no substance, no friends.. he lacks empathy, sympathy compassion. He doesnt watch the news, or read the paper, or have any idea of current events. If it doesnt have anything to do with HIM directly, he could care less.

 

I wondered what it was that I loved for a long time. I have been finding out through talking to someone, that much of my problem, was his rejection tactics of me. "WHY doesnt he love me?" However, I did see a side at times, I dont if many saw. Maybe they did. I went with that. I had hoped there was more of that. But at the end of it, even this 2nd time around, he made sure that he beat me to the punch of breaking up.

 

A secure man doesnt do these things. Still, even up until recently he would contact if it was conveinent for him. But, if I said something he wouldnt respond back. I finally realized it's just a game. ONLY a game..and who wants to play a game at these ages?? (30's and 40's) So, NC is the only way. They say people want what they cant have. Well, one day he may really really want me... because he can NEVER have me again. I used to pray for him. My spirituality and lifestyle tells me to pray for him... but other days, I hope he gets hit by a bus. Just sayin.

 

I hope you, like I, forget and move on ...and not care at all one of these days. Good Luck.

[opheli]

my ex is like this too. I just let him be. He even choked me a few times! He's done many things to me. Things he said. he's capable of things that most of us won't even dare to imagine. Yet, he is proud of it. I think he is a dangerous man. I can't report him because he's clever enough to hurt my face without leaving trace. The part were there is still babyfat on my face, my teeth, behind my neck, that kinda places. He's almost killed me a few times. He placed a pillow over my head when I was crying etc.. I can't believe I've gone through that and I loved him very much..

 

But I just KNOW that he will never be happy

 

He was adopted from Colombia? Medellin? to The Netherlands by a dutch family and got everything he wanted yet he's ungrateful and feels so sorry for himself? He spitted on me and his other ex too.

 

Addicted to sex, has huge porn stashes on his computer, paid channels, magazines.. and that's all he does beside his work. He works for a freight forwarder. He's also talking behind other people behind their backs at work and made me lose my job.

 

Sigh.. He even forced me to see a shrink cuz im crazy and he's normal. Guess what? Ive been to the shrink cuz i believed I was crazy and treated him badly and made him do all that.. but.. its him.. not me...

 

I want him to think I want him back and he's perfect and I was the one at fault.

It's like seeing somebody live with a virus in their body and make them believe they are healthy.

 

I really hate him for what he's done.

[UniqueSoul]

wow. thank you so much for sharing your stories blueyed and opheli. do you guys experience relationship problems due to the fact that youve dated horrible men? trust issues...and all the works?