Why do some men ignore?

[givinggirl]

This isn't the first time a man has ignored me and I seriously want to know why they do this. We've been dating for almost 4 months and everything was great. Yesterday, someone told me they saw him with some other girl over the weekend and thought I should know. So, I brought it up and now I'm being ignored. This morning, I was driving behind him and normally, he would go out of his way to get next to me and wave and make his presence known. Not today, nothing. I wasn't expecting any of this. I was hoping to have a level-headed adult conversation. From how he's reacting, I can only assume he guilty of something, as he isn't denying anything. Is it a guilty conscience and he can't face me? I've been friends with this guy for a long time prior to us dating and I don't want us to be like this. Any suggestions?

[OrangeMoon]

Is it a guilty conscience and he can't face me?

 

Yes or he simply doesn't care at all--and he is an arse for dumping you like that anyway..

 

Don't be friends with people like that, true friends don't treat you like this. accept for now that it is over. Maybe when some time has passed you can connect on a friendlevel again...would be weird to me..but to each his own i guess. Sometimes we simply have to accept that even some friendships have run their course you know..

[Raaawr]

Give him some space. There is no point chasing him. He will come to you when he is ready, dont assume anything yet there could be a logical explanation but you can be sceptical without worrying yourself. But its highly likely he is an ass.

[laura40]

He's probably ignoring you because you've found out about this other woman. He's too ashamed to speak to you, so has decided to ignore you instead.

 

Try and speak to him one more time. Tell him that you have two have to talk. If he doesn't respond then just leave it, he's not worth it.

 

Sorry it has come to this. I just wish people like him would actually talk instead of running away and hiding.

[FathomFear]

You said you were dating for four months. Were you explicitly exclusive? If you were, then I can only assume you caught him cheating and he doesn't want to face you.

[givinggirl]

We never discussed exclusivity, so I can't hold him to that, but he does know how I feel about it. We had discussions prior to our dating. I was going to bring it up at the 4 month mark. He had been pursuing me for years and I kept backing away. Then, I started to let my guard down, he asked me if it would be bad if he kissed me, caught me off guard and I didn't respond, so he did and that's how this all started. He's knows me pretty well, he knows I overanalyze and he knows that his not responding is really bothering me.

[penelope13]

What did he do with the other girl? - Just hang out as friends or was there more to it? Since you have been friends with him before you dated him it shouldn't come as a shocker that he has female friends.

 

You either are exclusive or you are not. So what do you mean by you 'didn't discuss exclusivity, by he knows how you feel about it'?

[givinggirl]

What did he do with the other girl? - Just hang out as friends or was there more to it? Since you have been friends with him before you dated him it shouldn't come as a shocker that he has female friends.

 

Could be, IDK. It's not the first time he's hung out with this girl and I've never met her. Apparently, they were at a bar where his whole neighborhood was hanging out after a holiday parade. I asked him once before about her because my friend told me she ran into him with his girlfriend. He told me they had gone out a few times, but were basically friends. This friend of mine isn't what I would call reliable (especially when drinking), so even though I didn't like his use of the word "basically", I dropped it. I don't care if he has female friends. I care if he has female friends that are more than just strictly friends. Being that this is the second time other people had said something means other people must think by how they act together that there is something more to it.

 

You either are exclusive or you are not. So what do you mean by you 'didn't discuss exclusivity, by he knows how you feel about it'?

 

We never had "the talk" about us, but he knows I don't date multiple guys at the same time. He knows me well enough to know I wouldn't like it. I've never had the talk in any of my relationships, it just was. Nowadays, it seems like the talk is needed because dating has changed over the years. More and more people are dating multiple people.

[Day_Walker]

If you guys werent exclusive and you confronted him about another girl then it would seem to me that he wants to avoid the dramatics of the situation.

[oldenoughtoknow]

Yeah, if you haven't had the talk and agreed to be exclusive, and even if he knew you don't date multiple people and you wouldn't like it, he was doing it anyway and hiding behind the fact that you hadn't had the talk. Now, you caught him and he's probably feeling guilty for being less than honest and mad because the two of you didn't see eye to eye on the subject in the first place.

 

Obviously, you don't want this situation, but what do you want from here? Go back to dating, go back to being friends, or nothing?

[DylanNotorious]

If this is the same guy you had problems with before, that we discussed in great lengths - well we told you then to dump him, and if it is the same guy - dump him already!

[givinggirl]

Yeah, if you haven't had the talk and agreed to be exclusive, and even if he knew you don't date multiple people and you wouldn't like it, he was doing it anyway and hiding behind the fact that you hadn't had the talk. Now, you caught him and he's probably feeling guilty for being less than honest and mad because the two of you didn't see eye to eye on the subject in the first place.

 

Obviously, you don't want this situation, but what do you want from here? Go back to dating, go back to being friends, or nothing?

 

I'd like for him to confirm or deny, say something. If he confirms it, I will not be dating him. If he denies it, I would suggest that he introduces me to her. However, if he confirms it, I would like to remain friends. I had a situation earlier this year with another guy (who is one of his friends, who he also was giving me advice about, even though I wouldn't divulge details), which we ended up not friendly after I got upset and told him a little common courtesy would be nice and then he stopped talking. I tried to remain friendly with that guy too, but it didn't work out that way cause he too would rather ignore than resolve. I don't want another one like that. We all live in the same neighborhood and hang with the same people. I'd like to be able to go to the bar or a party and not have this hanging over our heads. I'm not interested in creating drama. I am a reasonable person. Drama is here because he's not responding to something that in my eyes is quite simple. Yes or no. I'm not going to lash out like a volcano. If he's not interested in what I am interested in, that is his choice. That doesn't mean things have to be bad.

[Blue Spiral]

I don't like drama. When a woman is being dramatic, I ignore/avoid her, unless sex is likely happening. If it is not likely happening, I see no reason to put up with the drama.

 

Incidentally, denial/avoidance is an unheralded masterpiece of human behavior. You'd be amazed at how many guys--such as myself--can just choose to stop thinking about something and move on with their lives. I imagine it's harder if feelings and such are involved, but I don't have much experience with that.

[givinggirl]

He responded last night saying something about he doesn't do stress without taking several steps back. Maybe best if I want to be friends. I said, what I really want is for him to hold my hand and walk with me. If he needs to take several steps back then we'll go back together. I said, he knew what I was looking for before we started dating and told him again. I said, we've been dating long enough for him to know whether or not he wants to call me his gf. I said, he needs to decide, he knows where I stand and to think about it and let me know where he stands.

 

Of course, no conversation about the issue at hand.

[Ms Darcy]

He responded last night saying something about he doesn't do stress without taking several steps back. Maybe best if I want to be friends. I said, what I really want is for him to hold my hand and walk with me. If he needs to take several steps back then we'll go back together. I said, he knew what I was looking for before we started dating and told him again. I said, we've been dating long enough for him to know whether or not he wants to call me his gf. I said, he needs to decide, he knows where I stand and to think about it and let me know where he stands.

 

Well, I am glad you laid your cards on the table. I suspect that he's already told you what he wants in that first comment - about it best to be friends. But being direct is good. I suspect he may not be interested.

[givinggirl]

Well, I am glad you laid your cards on the table. I suspect that he's already told you what he wants in that first comment - about it best to be friends. But being direct is good. I suspect he may not be interested.

 

Could be. We've done this "probably best if we hang as friends" at the beginning after he kissed me. But, then a week later, we were back on. He pursued me for a couple of years before I gave him a shot.

 

I added this morning that all I really want to know is the answer to two questions. Is he dating her too and if he wants to date me exclusively & we'll go from there.

 

Really, after all is said and done, right now, those are the only two things that will determine anything. I'm not looking to rush or pressure, I prefer things to go naturally. But, I can't do it with another woman. Our relationship has always been simple and comfortable. I'm not looking to change anything. I just need to be the only woman.

[givinggirl]

Well, that didn't go very well. He completely deflected and turned the spotlight on me by saying all that overanalyzing is really overwhelming and he needs to take another step back. Why can't people just own their actions & apologize? Or just come right out & speak truthfully?

[EmmaB78]

GG - well, I know this is hard, and I probably wouldn't even be able to take the advice I'm going to give, but I'd just ignore this guy and consider it over. At this point, it doesn't even matter if he was seeing her as well - the way he has responded to your very reasonable questions is a sign that he is not as interested in you as you are in him, and that last thing you wrote where he said you "overanalyze" is emotional manipulation pure and simple. He is trying to make you feel bad about yourself for something he did. At this point, if he wants you, he needs to win you back, and I don't think he will do that, even if he might just keep hanging around if you let him. What a jerk. I personally think that after 4 months, exclusivity is assumed - it's seeing other people that should have been talked about if that's what he wanted.

[Thorshammer]

The guy got caught red-handed, and is frustrated and decided to squeeze out your influence on him. What he is doing is typical of cheating men. Just leave him alone, i dont know why women chase after these kinds of men. I had my phase of being a bad boy, and I got more women from it, its not cute. It seems like a can of betrayal, lies, and anxiety waiting to burst.