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Had to hide my profile


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To get a guy to stop texting me after I told him I would not be interested in dating further, we went on 2 dates, he talked about marriage, and all my co-worker friends said dump him, and after my mom's fit I opted to though I was planning to in person, I did it over the phone prior to date #3. Needless to say it took him by surprise but after a few texts to fully explain myself I thought I was done with him until he texted me on Thanksgiving. Now I'm glad this guy doesn't know where I live because his behavior is stalkerish. But I want to repost my profile but I'm worried he'll text me again.

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The thing is if you felt something was wrong about his behavior and yes, he's talking marriage by the second date and there were other red flags then you're right to have ended things. By profile I assume you mean Facebook or Myspace? The thing you could do is what a friend of mine did who was being stalked by an ex--she did a new profile with a nickname that only her nearest and dearest trusted friends and family had. And she set it to private so not just anyone could find it or view it. Also she didn't post personal pics of herself or anything that would give away her location. These are very drastic steps that she had to take, because there was a personal safety issue but these are things that I think anyone should do. Do I think it's fair that we have to be cautious about what we can post? No, not any more so than I think it's fair that I can't just walk down to the corner store at midnight to get something by myself. But the reality is I'm a small woman in a large city where bad things happen on a regular basis and I would rather stay safe than be another statistic.


So please stay safe and take steps to keep your information secure. And do not respond to this guy's text. You've stated your position and responding will only convince him he's right to pursue you after all. Good luck.


P.S. You mentioned your mother having a fit? I presume she found something about this guy's behavior alarming enough to get upset over the whole situation and if that's the case then yes listen to Mom too.

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Just ignore him. If he texts you, don't respond. If he emails you, don't respond. If the website has the option to block him (most dating sites do) - block him.


The more you ignore him, the more likely he will be to stop.


Don't stop living your life. Just pretend he doesn't exist.

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I think its okay for him to lay out what he is looking for to not waste anyone's time so you both could move on quickly if its not what each of you were looking for or know if he's found someone who feels the same way in general. It is okay to say that he wants marriage and kids someday. As long as he wasn't proposing. Its okay that you don't want to see him, but I also think from prior threads that you have been making a lot of decisions based on whether your mom will freak out or not. I think that you need to do what's best for you and don't pay mind to her fear or prejudice. IMHO, she has you where she wants you - living with her on a permanent basis. She has a great deal of control here.

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I don't think he sounds like a stalker but if it's making you feel uncomfortable then you have to put a stop to it.


If you don't want to see him again, then a polite text message should do the trick. Something like:


"Hi, you're a nice guy and all that blah blah blah but I don't feel we connect and I wish you the best of luck."

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Needless to say it took him by surprise but after a few texts to fully explain myself I thought I was done with him until he texted me on Thanksgiving.


So, in order to prove to him that you didn't want to continue a relationship, you continued to contact him again and again and again. I can't imagine why he thought you were still interested.

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What did he say, exactly, to you in text on Thanksgiving?

Yes, I think it's odd that you broke it off and told him "no thanks" over the phone and then in a few days, he contacts you again. He's either really pushy or he doesn't understand that no = no (he's stupid).


I'd just start ignoring any and ALL contact with him. Don't block your profile, just block him. FB, dating site, whatever, just block him.

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