Self esteem and verbal abuse

[kauaiangirl83]

Hi everyone,

Just an update real quick for those of you that have been following my posts: things are getting much better in regards to my mom's bf and my bf.

 

My grandma is visiting and my entire life she's put me down. She tells me that I'm too fat and that i need to lose weight. she also needs to lose weight herself. All my life, she's been telling me this and when i was 16, i became anorexic because i wanted my family to be happy with me. I thought that i would be happier, but i wasn't and with the help of friends I got better.

 

Now, 5 years later, my grandma tells me that i SHOULD starve myself and I should lose weight. I'm a lot happier overall, but my self esteem and self image is totally messed up. My bf is getting frustrated that he has to constantly reassure me that i am hot and that he thinks i'm perfect just the way I am.

 

I just don't know how to stop the verbal abuse and stop believing it. I know that my grandma loves me and that's how she shows that she cares, by telling me how to be better, but it really affects me a lot. I don't want to confront her about it and start a fight because i do want to be respectful, but this is just too much...

[JonnyG]

Well I think u should basically tell your grandma to F* off to be honest. What right has she to keep putting you down like this? By the sounds of it u have lost weight, so i don't see why your grandma is telling u to starve yourself and not congradulating you. Starving yourself wont lose the fat, it will lose the muscle. It is dangerous and is not a long term plan. Simple dieitng and exercise will bring about the right results

 

If your bf tells u that he thinks your gorgeous and hot, why don't u listen to the guy who is really important in your life now?

[lonelyandblue]

You need to do something to show her you will not accept this behavior anymore. If it comes to cussing at her so be it. But I would try other ways first. I had a similar ordeal with a cousin of mine. Always putting me down for stupid stuff. So finally, I stopped avoiding it and I started calling her on it loud and clear. And she got pissed and stalked off and guess what? No more probs. Also, I stopped hanging around this person at all. And life is better for it. Good Luck. I hope you find the right solution for you. But do something for you. Even if it is just, "Grandma, I like myself as I am thank you very much." And say it strong and then leave it alone.

[Spirits Away]

You know, some people just say things without considering other people's feelings. Those people can also be insecure about themselves, and that they don't want you to be like them. There are also health issues relating to obesity (not sure if you're to that point). While i was reading the 2 previous post, i was nodding my head. But I guess maybe you don't really want to offend your grandmother.

 

From how all the girls are talking about dieting (even when they're thin like hell), I'm sure to some extent, you want to lose weight anyways even when your grandmother didn't say so. Besides, your grandmother isn't the main issue here.

 

If what bothers you right now still is insecurity about your body. And since your boyfriend totally accepts you for who you are. Why not work at it together? With him supporting you with your diet, it's 1000% better than constantly bothering him with all those negative energy of your problem. Sometimes i go swimming and i see some semi-obese couples dieting together. I look at them and i sort of admire it. The guy isn't fat, but are there only to support the girl to exercise more. I really think it's a good idea to do that on a consistent basis. By the way, if you go the diet way, please... enjoy the exercise, and not going because of pressure. Pressure gets you nowhere while liking the sport goes a long way.

 

(by the way, you really should stop asking for assurance... I can guarentee you that if he leaves you, it's your insecurity and not your obesity that he's annoyed with) Seriously, i'm quite pissed off at my female friend who is constantly annoying me with their real depressing problems. I'm to a point where i'm considering letting go of that friendship.

 

I'm going to write a little more here and this is just my random thoughts on issues about life

tell you the truth, I really don't like how some people would always emphasize on accepting themselves when they got a better alternative but one that requires much more effort to attain. To me, they're just lazy and say other people is wrong for thinking that way of you. But many a time, they're the one who is right and that you've been justifying things to yourself too much. But then again, i heard once from anthony robbins that people who sets goals and attain them, would still not be satisified and eventually find flaws on other areas of life. I mentioned his name because he seemed to have met many people who are like that unlike many authors who meets very little people but still writes a book on these issues.