why would a man text while with another woman(at that very moment)?

[waves]

Okay....I have posted about this man before:

met, dated, too soon for both of us after previous relationships and both acted weird. Ended bad.

We make up but not dating. After him repeatedly contacting me and us hanging out a few times we ended up having sex again.

A week later I say I can't have sex again without a commitment, he says he isn't ready but maybe later and I agree. He wants to still wants to see me. We make out afterwards, then I say we can't hang out anymore cause we can't control ourselves and I will get attached. I just know I am headed for heartbreak continueing this way.

 

A week later we get in an argument. The following week we speak and make up. He mentions he wants to come see me.

Now it has been two weeks since we spoke, three since we saw each other.

Today I ran into him. He was with a woman. She is an ex girlfriend from 10 years ago who he has stayed good friends with all these years. She has been staying in the area for a few months, but normally doesn't live here. I know they had sex a couple of months ago, but I don't know about since then. They definitely didn't become a couple then. I am polite and tell him some information I think he should know.

 

At 9PM tonight I get a text from him. He says thank you for passing the information on. He tells me what he did with it.

This is odd because he is naturally not communicative with anyone. He doesn't go out of his way to say thank you or your welcome. He told me people think he is rude and I understand why, he can be.

I end up driving by his house much later. His female friend's car is there and the lights are all off. So I know she spent the night, slept with him. It stings, but I am not super jealous. I have been out with other men, made out, danced. I haven't had sex with anyone since him, but by choice(I am not emotionally ready I have decided).

 

Maybe I am reading to much into it but.....

why would he text me while he was with this other lady who is spending the night with him?????

Why would he text me at all to say thank you when he would never normally do that?

If he really wanted to say thank you for no other reason than to be nice, why wouldn't he have just waited till the next day after she left?

Would you do that? I wouldn't have. If I had a guy over I wouldn't be taking the time to text another man, who I use to date, and the man I am currently hanging out with knows I use to be with that man.

 

weird. Opinions anyone? Thank you.

[LaKings55]

Trying to have his cake and eat it to, classic player. Ignore him.

[OrangeMoon]

Let the brother go girl..let him go. This one has 'no good' written all over him. He keeps you hanging on because you are ..hanging on..

He's just making sure that you are still available for him..still responding to him..

 

the things he does are plain disrespectful to women..watch and learn.. This one has women issues. Leave him for the playground because you definitely do NOT want to start anything with this guy..

 

Move on, no responding to him ..nothing, because you can not say no to him!

[waves]

Thanks LaKings55.....

that's what I was thinking exactly. A part of me wanted to believe he was just being nice, except he doesn't go out of his way to be polite like that.

 

It felt like he waited till 9 to make it seem like she was gone. What did he do, text me while she was in the bathroom? I saw them in the afternoon near my neighborhood. He had no idea I would be in his neighborhood late that night. HA. Glad I was.

 

He has had very serious relationships. His longest one(many years together), she still thinks of him as a best friend. She told me he was fabulous, wouldn't maneuver me, wouldn't do anything bad to me. Which definitely made me cut him some slack, getting such positive feedback from an ex(I definitely pay attention to how exes feel about the person).

 

I have been very clear about how I feel, where I am at, what I want, but I still come off as very confused.LOL .....I am confused, not ready for a relationship, but get attached so need keep things very casual with everyone. Until he says, yes he is ready for it to go somewhere, then I am avoiding him. It drives him a little crazy that I do.

[waves]

Thank you broken34....

You are so right.

Thankfully I have some great friends who have said the same.

I don't call him, I dont text him, I don't go see him. It was totally randomn and by chance I ran into him today(we do live in a very small community so it is bound to happen).

I have not wanted to be rude, be in a fight,etc. So I just haven't given him any extra energy for awhile. But I guess I will have to just not even respond anymore.

I deserve much better.

I have been dating others, getting out and having fun. I really am not into the idea of Hanging on....yuck. I am better than being a back pocket girl!

[Awoken]

Yip. Let the man go. You can obviously find someone else. And I think it is wonderful and strong of you NOT to have sex with someone else straight away. It's a hard thing to stop doing. But your right when you do you make a 'connection' that can be difficult to break.

[DN]

I think you are reading too much into it.

[annie24]

some guys just like to have a lot of women. that's all.

[lavenderdove]

Yes, Annie is right... he's now sleeping with at least 2 women (you and his other ex) that you know about... he may well be the type of guy who likes to keep his exes close by so that he doesn't have a sexual dry spell between finding women he thinks he might get more serious about...

 

I know a guy who is like this... he actually makes a good ex or a good friend, but he doesn't do so well with relationships... he's fine as long as not too much is expected of him and he gets to wander among women for sexual variety and companionship, but when it comes to one on one relationships he can't do them for long. He always focuses on a woman long enough to get her on the hook, but once she's there, he starts to subtly shift it into the FWB situations he is more comfortable with...

 

Your guy appears to be doing the same, with both you and this oher ex. So he wants you firmly in the 'friendly ex' territory so you can hook up now and again, but he's not offering more. If you want more, this guy isn't it... he's not thinking or acting like someone who wants a relationship, more like he is comfortable with FWB with women rather than being ssomeone's partner.

[OrangeMoon]

He didnt wait till the next day..because A. he simply had a chance to do it now..he could..thats it. and

B. he knew that you seeing him and her together might make you flee..so he didnt want his fallback girl to bolt on him * 'its the are we still good?'..but without saying it action.

 

It is not him who decides whether you take things further. When you are ready for more..and the guy says he is not..you go your separate ways and do everything you can to not become the fallback girl (especially when you have been intimate). If someone is really not ready..and just wants to focus on themself ( and not date others on the side..but really have some me time, they might be more sincere)..and once they get out of that phase and make an effort to get you back, you can than decide if you are open to take them again..

 

But this one..hell no..he is still playing the field..and if you were at his side as his girl..there are going to be others feeding to his ego. and then you will have a guy who is supposedly your boyfriend, but he is not that monogamous as you may think he is.

 

To me..and in my experience as an observer of many guys and their struggle through life and women..the whole * I'm not ready line* is a bunch of BS..He doesnt want you..thats what it means. But he wants what you can ocassionally offer him..thats for sure..

 

Don't do him...DO YOU..

[Liraele]

I think you're reading too much into it.

 

People text all the time when they are with people. You don't know that he wasn't texting her while he was with you. (No, no, no... don't let that line of thought wander. I'm just saying.)

 

It doesn't sound like he's good relationship material at this point, and you need to stop letting him tug at your heartstrings and use you. You're aware of what he's doing and you keep letting him do it, this is just another example of the way he is. Stop making yourself crazy over things like this and find someone who actually deserves you. You should be a choice, not an option.

[bulletproof]

You don't know if she was there at that very moment. She could have been in the bathroom, in the other room, out getting something in her car.

 

It doesn't matter anyway. You have mentioned that he is rude, won't commit to anything, and overall not a good relationship choice.

 

Here's a good rule of thumb: if you find yourself driving by someone's house to check out what they're doing, it's probably an unhealthy relationship.

[waves]

Thanks everyone.....

 

I have already bowed out of having sex with him, or even hanging out with him as a friend over a month ago. since then our contact has been very minimal and more businessy. This incident just was a wonderful reminder of why I refused to be in a FWB situation with him.

 

LavenderDove, I think you described who he is perfectly. I'm not sleeping with him though and I am not going to again.

 

As a couple of people said, I could be reading too much into it, but I know this guy. I agree with Broken 34, this was a "are we still good".

 

I am over it now. I am a really peaceful person, stay friends with exes, etc. But I am not into this. I let him get under my skin in a vulnerable moment in my life, but I am not in that place anymore. I am worth so much more.

I have met lots of other guys, had a couple dates, have my eye on a couple of men as potential dates. So I know there is someone much better out there for me, but I am not in a rush. I am taking the time to deal with my life and heal before getting close to someone again.

 

Awoken, Thank you for the compliment. It is hard to not just want to dive into intimacy with someone new. I know I am doing the right thing by taking a step back from serious dating. I am really proud of myself. Even if I do by chance meet someone I really like, I am going to take it much slower. I went way too fast at first with this one.