Blondiegirl Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 My boyfriend didn't tell me he went out with another girl but I found out about it on Facebook. She is totally not his type though. She is the type who hasn't had a date in ages if you know what I mean. He swears he would never ever cheat on me. I casually brought up facebook in the conversation and said all those girls on your facebook you would never cheat on me with them would you? He got angry and said no! So do you think he is being honest or is it just a friendly mate he is hanging out with? He swears up and down he would never cheat on me but yet he is hanging out with her who again totally isn't his type and he even makes fun of girls who cannot land dates and calls them losers. How do you find out if he is truly being honest?? Are there any tell-tale signs?? He hasn't even spoken to me since I brought up all the girls on his facebook and asked him if he would ever cheat on me with them. I didn't mean to confront him and I almost feel guilty but at the same time he lied and didn't tell me he went on a date with a new facebook friend. Isn't relationships about honesty? Link to comment
camus154 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Well, I can tell you right now that being disproportionately defensive is one sign right there. Bagging on these women is another--if they're such losers, then why is he going out with them? And lying about going out with this girl is another sign. All of that said, that doesn't prove he's cheating on you. A better question is why is he going out on "dates" with FB strangers? Oh Facebook, how I hate thee. Link to comment
RedDress Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I don't think you confronted him. I think you accused him. Confronting him would have been to say "Hey... I know you have a new friend on Facebook. Who is she?". That would have given you some answers (maybe lies - but at least you could then figure out if what he was saying is feasible. Accusing him is different. How do you know it was a date? How do you know it's not his cousin? Where did he say he was when he was out with her? Unfortunately, because you've already accused him, asking is now going to sound like more accusations... I don't think there is enough info here to say either way. Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Well, I can tell you right now that being disproportionately defensive is one sign right there. Bagging on these women is another--if they're such losers, then why is he going out with them? And lying about going out with this girl is another sign. All of that said, that doesn't prove he's cheating on you. A better question is why is he going out on "dates" with FB strangers? Oh Facebook, how I hate thee. Soo true. Fb, the gateway for converting a once faithful person, into a cheater. Link to comment
OrangeMoon Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Send the girl an email and ask her..it will get back to him though..but obviously your relationship doesnt smell like much to me if he needs all of that FB attention.. The signs dont look too good. The girl might be the sweetest thing ever even if she doesnt look all that great...so dont get fooled by her looks. My thing is..trust your gutt. if the doubts are starting to come, there is a reason for that. He might not be actually cheating, but you are definitely sensing that he is pulling away in some way or form.. Link to comment
Eocsor Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Well, I can tell you right now that being disproportionately defensive is one sign right there. Bagging on these women is another--if they're such losers, then why is he going out with them? And lying about going out with this girl is another sign. All of that said, that doesn't prove he's cheating on you. A better question is why is he going out on "dates" with FB strangers? Oh Facebook, how I hate thee. Agree with this. And if he's not telling you he's meeting up with women, even if nothing is currently happening with them, its a very bad sign for the health of your relationship. Link to comment
Blondiegirl Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 I suppose you are right. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but at the same time why not be honest and say hey I am going out with a friend who I met on Facebook but instead he went behind my back and I had to find out only because I am pretty smart and saw he wrote on her wall saying pick you up at 10 and when I confronted him asking not even bringing up his date instead asking if he would ever cheat on me with those facebook girls and then he says no in a angry voice and gets upset and says why do you even ask such a thing and then I said well you do have alot of facebook friends who are girls. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I also don't understand how you know he went on a date with her. I hang out with my guy friends all the time, but they aren't dates. Do you have concrete evidence that they went on a legitimate date? Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Of course he's going to get defensive if you talk to him that way. Wouldn't you get upset if out of nowhere he asked if you would cheat on him with any of the guys you know? It's insulting. If he didn't want you to find out about it, I doubt he would have advertised it on Facebook. Link to comment
camus154 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 ^ Disagree. There's getting defensive in the "wait, what?" way, and then there's defensive in the "whatthehellareyoutalkingaboutnowleavemealone" way. This sounds like the latter to me since he hasn't spoken to her since. For me, if my girlfriend asked me that and I had nothing to hide, I'd be genuinely confused and then would seek to reassure her (provided she didn't have a habit of these types of accusations). Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 If a guy I was dating accused me of cheating out of nowhere because I have a lot of male friends on Facebook, I would be upset for many reasons. One because that is not a good reason to think someone is cheating. Two, because then it means that there is a lack of trust and if he isn't doing anything, then it probably hurts him that she would be thinking that for no reason. It also screams insecurity. It would have been different if she was like, I saw you went out with this girl and I'm concerned about it. But that's not what she did. For him, I'm sure this was out of nowhere. I'm not saying he's definitely innocent because we are getting a very small view of the story, but based off of what the OP says, I really think it can go either way. It's not enough to say he cheated. Link to comment
Blondiegirl Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 Exactly and isn't it true if they get defensive that is a sure tell sign of oh **** I did something wrong but I am going to turn it around and make her look like she shouldn't of asked that. If someone has nothing they have to hide surely they shouldn't get defensive and it was simply a question and I only found out because I looked at her wall. I come on does he not think I will find out? He should of been honest in the first place that is the problem. I only found out about his date because I did some spying on my part. I saw he added this girl on facebook and I looked at her profile ( it wasn't hidden) and I saw he had written on her wall about the date. I mean come on! I casually bring up you would never cheat on me with your facebook girls would you?? I didn't exactly accuse him but I simply asked him point blank if he would ever cheat on me with his facebook girls which by the way he likes adding them after he meets them at a bar or online. Again it could be totally innocent but why get defensive unless you are hiding something hmm?? Link to comment
camus154 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 If an otherwise secure girlfriend who never asked this type of thing asked me this, then as a supportive boyfriend who also happens not to be a complete idiot, I would not be defensive about it. I would use that stuff between my ears to deduce that 1) Facebook was the source of the question, 2) I had just gone out with a new woman from FB, and 3) I didn't bother to tell my girlfriend about it. I may get annoyed that she leaped straight to the conclusion that I was cheating on her, but I would also understand my own idiocy in creating the situation to begin with. As a big boy who truly cared about my girlfriend, I would put aside whatever minor "hurt" this assumption did to me and seek to assure her. Link to comment
XxJustMexX Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 If an otherwise secure girlfriend who never asked this type of thing asked me this, then as a supportive boyfriend who also happens not to be a complete idiot, I would not be defensive about it. I would use that stuff between my ears to deduce that 1) Facebook was the source of the question, 2) I had just gone out with a new woman from FB, and 3) I didn't bother to tell my girlfriend about it. I may get annoyed that she leaped straight to the conclusion that I was cheating on her, but I would also understand my own idiocy in creating the situation to begin with. As a big boy who truly cared about my girlfriend, I would put aside whatever minor "hurt" this assumption did to me and seek to assure her. Completely agree. Everyone gets insecure sometimes. It does sound like she may have been a little needy the way she asked the question to him, but a truly loving boyfriend wouldn't get defensive like he did if he had nothing to hide. A truly loving man would try to reassure her that she's just over-reacting and be more caring about it, rather than get mad and defensive. The latter usually happens if the person has something to hide... or simple immaturity. I don't see a mature honest man reacting the way he did, regardless of her insecurities. Link to comment
Lithp Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I have a feeling you would have gotten more answers had you asked about this girl specifically, rather than asking him if he would cheat on you with any of the girls he has on Facebook. Firstly, the way you approached the question was absolutely accusatory and, if he is innocent in all of this, it's going to be upsetting for this to come out of nowhere. Also, you were asking about ANY of the girls on Facebook, when your suspicions were coming from this one situation. Do you know why he was picking her up at 10? Is it possible he was giving her a ride somewhere? My ex, when we first started dating, he was basically the only one out of his group of friends who had a car so he would be getting calls all the time from people offering him gas money if they could get a ride - particularly if they had been drinking, or were planning to. Now you have opened up this can of worms by asking if he would cheat on you with them, period, rather than inquiring about what he was doing with this girl. It would have been more reasonable for you to ask about that as it was an instance where you had proof that he was going somewhere with her, instead of aiming the questioning at a wide array of women on his Facebook page. Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 If an otherwise secure girlfriend who never asked this type of thing asked me this, then as a supportive boyfriend who also happens not to be a complete idiot, I would not be defensive about it. I would use that stuff between my ears to deduce that 1) Facebook was the source of the question, 2) I had just gone out with a new woman from FB, and 3) I didn't bother to tell my girlfriend about it. I may get annoyed that she leaped straight to the conclusion that I was cheating on her, but I would also understand my own idiocy in creating the situation to begin with. As a big boy who truly cared about my girlfriend, I would put aside whatever minor "hurt" this assumption did to me and seek to assure her. Thank God!! If my boyfriend accused me of something I hadn't done, I would laugh out loud and say "sweetie don't be silly" and give him a huge kiss. Getting defensive proves something hidden I think... Link to comment
Blondiegirl Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 Well today he said give him some time. The thing is he flirts with this girls on facebook and I have been questioning it alot and alot because he is supposed to be faithful and he hits on girls at bars which I let go but yesterday I snapped and I wanted the truth and he got defensive and said I would never do such a thing. I let it go for months and months his constant flirting with women and I casually asked would you ever cheat on me with those facebook girls you flirt with all the time and he said never! He tells me today on facebook no less in message give me some time after I said sorry which I shouldn't of been sorry after his constant flirting. It takes a toll on you after awhile. Link to comment
camus154 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I think you need to dump his ass. Publicly. On FB. Tell the other slags he's all theirs Link to comment
Blondiegirl Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 My question is this what does he mean give me some time? We need to work on our problems and fix them not pretend they do not exist. Link to comment
camus154 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Who knows? Time to collaborate some story with the woman he went out with? Sorry, my last post was really cavalier. I know this isn't a joke for you. I hate to say it, but a boyfriend who flirts with other girls--not random ones innocently but over FB--who meets them at bars and then contacts them later, who then meets up with them to hang out, and who then acts defensive and responds like this.....I can only see this going one way. I think you deserve much, much better. Link to comment
Blondiegirl Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 Ya I know. I want to give him a chance I really do but I am afraid his chances are running out and hopefully during his time he can sort his problems out but honestly I don't think they will Link to comment
happyfrank Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Just because she isn't his type doesn't mean he didn't found something attractive about her. He lied about what happened and being defensive. Frankly he doesn't care about you. Why would he go out of his way to meet girl from facebook if he was taken? If it was friend he would of mention her to you. Link to comment
w0ndergirl Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 You are going to get no where if you confront him about this. Get some proof before you accuse someone of something. Link to comment
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