Why is he still in love me when I CHEAT ON HIM?

[simplelara]

When me and my boyfriend met at college . I was sleeping around with a lot of men, but that didnt phase him... he kept saying your diffrent from other females, ( well duh I done bad)

we didnt even have sex until 5 months into the relationship, even deep in our relationship

 

he caught me a couple of times, but he still wanted to be with me, CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHY? and that was 2 years ago,

 

now about a year ago he decided he to finish another semester so its been distance for that long, but manged to keep the love in realtionship, I want to know if he you think he loves me, after what I did in the beginning and how I treat him now. I dont think its money cause I dont have any. No kids either.

 

He is quiet and always so loving to me it drive me crazy. when he does catch me he just walks away and later not even get mad. sometimes I do this to get attention but he always says I love You

 

So my question is reading this and knowing a female past and have been cheating on many times why is he still with me? Would any of you still be with me?

[JonnyG]

U could always turn this question around and ask "Why are u with him?". U treat him badly and admit to it but u allow yourself to keep treating him badly. Why? (are u still treating him badly?)

 

I guess its a bit like the case of girls liking the bad boy. When u cant have something u want it more. Im very annoyed at the girls going out with these idiots, but then i realised i am being a bit hippocritical. I got treated poorly by an ex, lied to etc. She went back to her ex yet i wanted to still see her. She wasent even anything special and all my m8s said i could do better. I know i could, yet i wanted her, there was something about her. It wasent til recently where she was up for meeting me again (just as friends for a coffee) after 6 months and then she fed us some BS lies that I decided enough was enough. Even though im sad about not being with her, I wouldn't even take her back now.

[bzborow1]

His problem is that he has no respect for himself to allow someone to treat him like garbage.

[sisterlynch]

When you really love someone that feeling of love never goes away. She needs to get a hold of her behavior and not say it is him--he isn't doing anything to stop me!

 

It is almost like some people are compelled to hurt others in their lives, why the guy sticks with her, I am not too sure. Maybe he thinks that she will grow up.

[bnybrain]

you and your boyfriend should start couple counseling. This is a serious problem and should be taken seriously. If you pursue this form of help, then perhaps he will see you ARE trying to change for him and that is a good thing. I cannot imagine what he has been through. But you must be really special to him. I was unclear, in reading your post, if you have stopped the sexual relationships with other men (or when the last time was). You really must put an end to this. You're a lucky girl to have a great man. Why do you complicate things like that? You both deserve better and i'm sure you're a great person, but I really wish you would reconsider your treatment of him. Please don't take him for granted, hon. You are here, in the flesh, present-day. YOU CAN CHANGE (if you already haven't). Try to find out why you do (or did) things things to a great guy. Gee, I hope things work well for the both of you.... I'm saddened to hear your story...

 

I wish you the best of luck.

[Meow18]

Are you trying to lose him? That sure is what it seems like.

 

If you want to get rid of him, then break up with him. Treating him with no respect is a horrible way to try to get rid of someone. Its sweet that he loves you enough to try to work through all this, I can't believe you would do this to him.

 

If you don't want to lose him, then you need to get your act together. Why are you doing this to someone you love? You don't really love him if you can go & hurt him like this. Honestly, you don't deserve him. He deserves to be treated with respect & cheating on him is like the worst thing you can do to someone you love.

 

Who knows why your boyfriend still loves you, you don't deserve his love, so I don't know why he does. Maybe he's cheating on you, who knows. The fact is, one day he will realize that he deserves better & you will lose him.

[MrMikeWikowski]

As a guy who was cheated on, and as a guy that still wanted (wants) her back I have a few things to say.

 

One, is that when you really love someone, you really love someone. You hurt like hell, but you are unable to stop how you feel - true love just can't be shut off like a tap.

 

I loved, and hurt, and let myself be used by my ex. Both our faults really. Sounds like it might be the same in your case.

 

This guy sounds like he really loves you. He loves you so much, he is probably in some major pain because of it. You need to decided right now if you want to be with him or not. It sounds like he will give you anything, but because he will you don't respect him. He gives you everything, and you take it. You need to decided to either love him back and respect him or let him go. It is the only fair thing you can do.

 

At the same time he needs to stop giving you everything. He needs to realize that he really and completely loves you, but that the same time it doesn't entail being a doormat..

 

Mike

[MysteryBeauty]

I would do anything to have a guy that loves and appriciates me. I just can't believe that this perfect gentleman is in love with someone like you..how could you ever do this to someone who loves you so much ..but believe me..in this world NOTHING GOES UNPUNISHED, and you are going to get cheated on and hurt just like you did to your BF..BRACE YOURSELF..IT'S GONNA BE A HELL RIDE!

[Shinobie]

Lol 0o0o0o0 crazy mad crazy mad like me mystery just to see these people that have great bf's or gf's and they waste it by being messed up to them .U might be punished later like she said u beter watch out if u find someone u actually love because they might do the same to you because u deserve it .

[OceanEyes]

Your boyfriend is obviously a guy who has little or no self-esteem or respect. He also doesn't seem to have confidence or any type of backbone to put you in your place.

 

Come on, why would you take a guy like this for a ride? It's pathetic how he keeps sticking around and taking you back every time. Any person with any type of self-esteem would have said "get lost" and meant it a long time ago. It makes me wonder if your boyfriend has some serious issues that you're not helping at all.

 

What you're doing is pretty cowardly and very selfish. He's obviously not a normal guy, needs some counceling himself for his own life, and you're probably making it a lot worse.

 

Does it make you feel good or in control to treat another human being like this? Cheating once can usually be forgiven, but continually doing it and not even seeming sorry about it indicates to me that you are getting some sick pleasure out of making this poor man feel like you own him. Believe me, you're not special, he would probably attach himself to any woman who gives him attention.

 

Also, he seems like the type of guy who bottles up his anger, hurt, and frustration because he has no idea how to deal with it. I would advise being very, very careful with a man like this. You never know what might happen if the next time you cheat on him, he finally snaps.

[AndrewOZ]

If you dont love him then end it.

You are being totally unfair to him.

 

Coming from a relationship where I was cheated on, it is horrible.

What kind of person does that to a guy like him anyway?

 

I dont think you two need couple counselling, I think YOU need counselling.

[Mike_Wazowski]

Call me crazy but some guys get off on being abused and walked all over.....or maybe he is just crazy in Love.........Either way, a very unhealthy relationship.....

 

And that coming from the Master of unhealthy relationships......

[bnybrain]

Simplelara: I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE on behalf of my fellow eNotAlone-mates.

 

eNotAlone-mates: Guys, she did not join this forum to be judged and picked on the way you all are doing so. This forum is built on the foundation of support, you are showing none to Simplelara. There are kind and polite ways to inform an individual that he/she's views are wrong. No one is trying to be civil here. A week ago I responded to a post where this guy promised an engagement if his girlfriend lost weight because she was "BIG." I had never heard anything as ridiculous as that! However baffled and angered I was, I knew that he had come to us for help (not really realizing that he himself is the one who ought to be seeking aid). I was polite to him in expressing that he was WRONG! You all are just throwing daggers at Lara. Her asking a Forum and wondering why her boyfriend stays with her is a note that she on the verge of help. Guys you have been so helpful to me, I simply feel bad that lara is being treated unfairly.

 

Hannah

[OceanEyes]

This forum is built on the foundation of support, you are showing none to Simplelara.

 

People here are allowed to express their views and opinions in any way they want, as long as it is done responsibly and not in a flaming manner. The essense of this forum is to be able to give and receive advice and support. However, you post at your own risk, and can't ask for specific advice to your questions/ issues. For that, I would suggest seeing a professional.

 

This is a democracy where you are expected to be respectful and follow certain guidelines, but, it is also a place where freedom of expression is encouraged. The original poster is free to post her thoughts here, but we as members participating are free to post our thoughts.

[dakadave]

I don't think the guy might need some help...

 

Honestly it sounds like a suicide case waiting to happen. It doesn't sound like he has any self esteem, pride, self worth...

 

The other explaination is that...he doesn't feel that you engauging with other people is cheating to him. Swingers for example, allow their mates to sleep around with other people.

 

This is not a joke and a valid option imo, perhaps you should include him next time you feel the urge to sleep with someone else 3 way?

 

I have a friend who doesn't feel that anything done prior to an official engaugement is cheating. He and his girlfriend currently have an open relationship where they are free to see, sleep, kiss etc other people so long as safety is involved (safe sex, std tests, always telling the other partner when they were involved with someoen else). I can honestly say that I believe they love each other, and one of these days they may even more into a deeper commited monogomous relationship.

[lostNheartbroken]

I'll tell you why. Because he thinks too much of you.

[das420]

My advice is if you love him stop cheating. He must have a heart of gold to put up with it. I forgave mine 1 time and if a 2nd ever occurss she's gone.

 

Ask yourself... Why do you sleep around? Is he not fufilling your desires or is it you? If you feel like you can't stop sleeping around, let him down gently. This isn't healthy for you (because of risk of disease, babies, etc.) and for his self esteem n

and confidence.

[Scout]

Ok, first of all, I too started to think some of the responses were verging on flaming. Not quite, but getting there.

 

Let's face it, most of the Infidelity posts are by people who have been cheated on - it's rare for a cheater to come to the boards for help. With that in mind, it's important to not drive them away. This is our chance to help someone with an intimacy problem.

 

Regarding the original poster's boyfriend, I don't think he "has a heart of gold". I think he's co-dependent and pretty spineless. The poster obviously isn't happy with him, yet she stays. I agree they BOTH need counseling, because this relationship is pretty unhealthy. But regardless of the relationship's status, they need independent counseling because they both are avoiding true intimacy, commitment, and trust.

 

To the original poster - it really doesn't sound like you are anywhere near ready to settle down with just one person right now. Enjoy your youth, practice safe sex, and do some self-exploration to find out why you were unable to commit in your last relationship. In the future, you will find someone you respect and love for real, and if you cheat on them and lose them, you will be devastated.

[yeawutever]

Wow not this post really caught my attention. Obviously is larasimple isn't happy with him and will continue cheating, then all she would have to do is break up. She ask why is he still with her if she cheated mutiple times, my guess is he's a spineless man with no self-esteem nor any respect for himself, no character in him, no nothing. But, the other question as asked before would be "Why would a girl want to be with a dumb guy, spinless guy with no voice at all and low self-respect. Right now I'm seeing both of them have mental problems, that's not wut u see in normal people. Unless he's into swinger life style or maybe cheating on u, then that might explain why he's so happy with u cheating on him, but if it's that not that, then yea, he also has mental problems.

[Iceman26]

This guy doesn't love you, because he obviously doesn't love or respect himself.

 

You don't love him because you sleep around on him.

 

You really should end this warped relationship and work on yourself.

 

As the old saying goes "Misery loves company"

[yeawutever]

This guy doesn't love you, because he obviously doesn't love or respect himself.

 

You don't love him because you sleep around on him.

 

You really should end this warped relationship and work on yourself.

 

As the old saying goes "Misery loves company"

 

Yup, true, but they can be having mental problems as well.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

hehe, this post is 2 years old and the original poster only posted once. Must have had to dig real far back to get this one.