das420

I will say this from my past and present. Actually and Technicaly ar 2 different things. My girlfriend and I dated for 2 years living together for one. We went through some rough times and split up. She began to hang with a girl who is in to sleeping around as a hobby. I began to drink rather heavily. While we were broken up, I messed around w/ another girl and she had sex with another guy. (Both drunkenly) We both confessed our sins and we each felt guilty as hell. We were technically not together, but we still felt like it was cheating. We both loved each other and went looking for a cheap thrill to take our minds off of the hurt. we reconciled, but to picture your loved one with another is hard. I wish the best of luck to ya!!!!

Iceman, I've read all of your posts. I feel your pain man. As far as saying she is/isn't seeing someone else it is hard to say. I will warn you, my gf and I split for a while, i asked if she wanted to see anyone else. She said "I don't know". I later found out months down the road that she did see someone else, it didn't work out, and she felt so guilty she had to get a perscription to Lexapro for depression/ anxiety. IMO "NO" is no, "yes" is yes, and "I don't know" is probably. I don't want to be negative, and for your sake I hope I am wrong, but it doesn't look good.

Thanks for the replys. She called his cousin (F) to tell him. She wants nothing to do with both of them. "It was a mistake and it is more than over" were the exact words I heard. She insisted I stay in the room for the conversation. If he calls back i will answer it, and if that doesn't work then a number change will occur. If that doesn't work, a restraining order and a butt whuppin will be in store.

Here is my problem in a nutshell. My gf and i broke up for about 3 1/2 months after a 2 year relationship. While we were apart she slept with someone else. She was very confused, and a gf of hers was constantly telling he she would be better off w/o me, and happier with this guy (the girl's cousin). After being with this guy for 2 weeks she ended it. 2 months later we reconciled. I know this technically isn't cheating, but they started "talking" before our breakup eventhough the pysical part happened after the breakup, so I do consider this a cheating relationship. We've been cool now for about 4 months. She tries to prove her love for me, and shhow me I can trust again. She completely cut off ties with the group of friens that changed her life for the worse. This includes her s!utty friend and the rebound man. The s!utty friend tries to say I made her d it, but she made the decision on her own not to associate with them anymore. The rebound man calls her about once a month. She doesn't answer the calls. She tells me everytime it happens. I'm glad she is honest, but it hurts everytime he tries to call. Not only does it hurt me, but it hurts her too. she cries everytime and says it is because she messed up and she can see the hurt in my eyes. It seems like after trying for four months and getting no answer the guy can take a hint. I know this because she wants me to trust her so bad she demands I look at her phone bill detail every month. I don't ask because that is a huge invasion of privacy. What should I do? We've thought of: 1.getting the # changed 2.her answering and saying "I don't want anything to do w/ you don't call back " 3.letting me answer and tell him where to go and how to get there. What would you do? Advice please. This makes me angry and I really would like to see this fool on the streets, but I know typical macho behavior won't make the whole situation disappear.

I am in a similar situation as your b/f. I was cheated on, but she drove herself crazy with guilt and CONFESSED. I agreed to forgive one time and thats all. She is trying very hard to regain my trust. Her infidelity occurred about six months ago, and I feel like I trust her about 95%. The thought still hurts, but is getting better. Remember your poor bf has to think about his girl with another guy's hands all over her for the rest of his life. He has to replay that moment in his mind time and time again. If you want to be together you must rebuild the trust. Prove to him that your infidelity was a mistake. If it happens once it is a TERRIBLE mistake, if it happens 2 times there is a SERIOUS problem

I don't totaly agree, but here is what happened to me. My gf of 2 1/2 years and I broke up from April-August. While we were apart, i messed around with another girl, she slept with another guy. I felt like a terrible person, I loved her. I only messed around with the other girl because I was hurt and I thought she was sleeping with someone else. I felt so guilty, but then she confessed and I felt like a saint. (She had sex, I didn't)She slept with someone else because she thought I was sleeping with someone else. Her guilt ate her up so much she had to take a month off from work and go on perscription meds for panic attacks. Yes, my friend if someone loves you they feel guilty if they mess up.

Men Cheat because they do become complacent and biologicaly speaking, the goal of the male is to fertilize as many eggs as possible. However most people who cheat usually have emotional, sexual, or mental issues that must be dealt with. As a man who has been cheated on, I will say infidelity is a two way street. Many man cheat for sexual reasons (i.e tired of masturbating because gf/wife won't have sex as much as the man needs). Women seem to for emotional reasons. That is what happened to me. I got caught up in work and school, became neglectful and distant, and I paid the price.

I feel your pain my firend. My gf of 3 years cheated on me because she thought I was cheating on her (which I wasn't). I know what you mean about not being able to trust. We reconciled and she is working her butt off to regain my trust. I am still haunted by the mental images of her having sex with another man though. We broke up for 3 months in this time I kissed someone else like you. It made me feel bad, then good, then bad again.(Similar to you) I also would like to "settle the score", but I know I would hurt her and I would feel very guilty because when I make her cry I want to die. I know this sounds terrible, but I feel like I have the upper hand, or as a previous poster mentioned "a weapon in my hand." I know no matter what I do in the relationship, she has done the ultimate f' up, not me. As far as the chemistry between you and your co-worker goes, be careful. Remember the children. They should be the focus of you AND your husband. I am not married and don't have kids, but I do know children get hurt when their parents only think of themselves. If there is any way to salvage the marriage, please try, for the kids.

My reply is that you evaluate your relationship. If you think your current boyfriend is the one or could be, stay with him forget the bartender. If you think think the relationship is stalling, let him down gently. DO NOT CHEAT. It will make you feel good until the sex is over. Then you will feel guilty, sick, and very confused. My only advice is to see what is important your already established relationship, or your urge for adventure. Remember this, the grass on the other side is usually NOT greener. Good Luck to you in whatever you choose

I am giving my g/f a 2nd chance. We lived together and our relationship turned to crap because of BOTH of us. I was too caught up in school and I quit fufilling her emotional needs. She had this girlfriend of hers who had to be the CENTER OF HER ATTENTION at all times, and she quit fufilling my physical needs. The girlfriend is a s!ut who always chases men. This girl convinced her to come live on the "wildside" and go out partying with guys. She resisted for over a year, and then as our relationship got worse (because of the girlfriend and my school) she had a drunken slip-up. To make a long story short, I didn't know but I thought I did due to a behavior change in my girlfriend. We broke up for 3 months, but kept sleeping together through the break up. While we were apart we both hooked up with others (I refrained from intercourse with others during this time, she had sex with someone) She drove herself crazy with guilt about the inital cheat to the point she had to quit her job and go on meds due to severe anxiety. She came clean, let me vent , cuss, yell, and scream. she didn't try to defend her actions because she knows it was wrong. She ended up ditching the friend after the friend locked her out of her own car because she was having sex in the back.(They are both from a pitiful little hicktown where pple have sex in cars at parties). Then the friend got angry with her for interrupting her sex session. My point is, she figured out what is important. Love is better than casual sex. I know this for a fact. I've had both. Secondly, I thought about cheating and began flirting openly with other girls about two months prior to our fall-out. If I would've had my best friend telling me it is OK to sleep with anyone, and pursuing girls for me I WOULD"VE CHEATED TOO. My point is everyone at least ponders infidelity. Also everyone deserves another chance, but if you screw up twice YOU ARE GONE in my book

Here are a few I thought of. "It just happened, you know I just wanted someone to be there for me, I didn't care who." Oh really you just fell on his naked dong because you were also naked and the parts just clicked. (happened to me) "I was drunk living in the moment." Alcohol impairs judgement. No driving, operating heavy machinary. but keeping your pants on, a decision that can be made easily if intoxicated. "I wanted to feel pretty again." acting like a s!ut would make me feel very beautiful too!! (hence the sarcasm)(happened to me) The worst one ever "It was just sex, nothing more." - Maybe to the cheater, but to the cheatee there was a lot more

My advice is if you love him stop cheating. He must have a heart of gold to put up with it. I forgave mine 1 time and if a 2nd ever occurss she's gone. Ask yourself... Why do you sleep around? Is he not fufilling your desires or is it you? If you feel like you can't stop sleeping around, let him down gently. This isn't healthy for you (because of risk of disease, babies, etc.) and for his self esteem n and confidence.

Just like someone said time will help. I was cheated on and I'm still with her. I'm with her still for two reasons, 1) she drove herself crazy with guiltv and confessed. (I'm talkin' full blown panic attacks no eating for about 3 months, perscriptions required, etc) 2) she admitted the mistake, listened to my anger and DID NOT defend her actions. Also contact with cheat has completely stopped. I've had this confirmed for only a month, but while it happened and during a 3 month break up I knew what was going down, but didn't REALLY know. If that makes sense. When I have my sleepless nights they are because of two things. Thinking of her saying "cheating is the worst thing ever, people who do it should be shot" and then her doing it out of "drunken impulse". 2) The worst is no matter how hard I try I get mental pictures of some dude "with" my girl. I hope you get better with time my friend.

To clarify I don't blow up and rage on her like yell and scream and blah blah. We agreeed that since she was 100% in the wrong, if I have neghative or hurt feelings about the situation I can vent them and she will listen. She knows she f'd up majorly and she deserves to hear what I've got to say. Sometimes I aks why, sometimes I ask how it could've been avoided. These little vent sessions are becoming few and far between. I'll still wish ill fortunes on her friend because I knew this girl and invited her into our home as a nice gesture, then she tries to make my girlfriend a s!ut like her, tells her to lie to me, to cheat on me, etc. Definate offense for an a$s whuppin (No I really won't do this but I'd like to!!!)The whole checking up, going through phone,etc IS HER IDEA, most of the time I say "It's cool, I trust you" , but it makes me believe she is trying to prove she made a mistake and is sorry. The only thing I have trouble with is she let 2 dudes get up in my spot, and that ain't cool. But she came back so they must not have beeen fabio themselves. All I'm sayin is why did she go out lookin' for ground beef, when she had filet mingon at home.

Your snooping is justified. I did my homework on my then ex now gf when she was messing around on me. At the time the script was flipped on me too. With the you don't trust me, you violated my privacy..blah blah. The real reason she was so mad was because I'm a damn good detective with my computer/phone skills and I had her caught and she couldn't stand it. She admitted later that she tried made it look like i was crazy, but really she was scared because I had her nailed and she knew it. Its amazing how people who are CHEATING or thinking about it get really mad when you catch them. The only reason mine got a second chance was because she alomst drove herself crazy with guilt, and she came clean after a while. GO WITH YOUR GUT. If you Snoop and find something you shouldn't GOOD JOB. Relationships aren't supposed to have secrets IMO Give her a chance to fess up, if she doesn't dump her

Ok.. Here is a quick background. I dated my girl for 2 1/2 years. We lived together for 11 months. She is 20 (almost 21) and I am 23 (almost 24). In January she started hanging out with her old best friend from HS. This firend is known as a s!ut in their homeotwn. After this started happening we drifted apart, we neglected each other physically and emotionaly. In April she started acting weird after spending many weekends with this girlfriend of hers, that I would consider knocking her teeth out if I saw her (and I'm the most peaceful nonviolent man on earth) She came home one Sat night drunk and acting guilty, but at the time I gave it no attention, the next day she was off and I worked 10 hours. When I came home she was in bed and looked very blank. Once again I paid it no attention. The next day we got inot a big fight, and she said she wanted space and to be able to find herself, to go out and be young and experience life on her own. Female speak for I want to ho around for a while IMO. I said that was cool, we would break up, she would move in with her parents, and she could have space, but DON'T SLEEP WITH ANYONE if she wanted us to work like she claimed. The whole summer we barely spoke, but we did hook up still on occasion. I wanted her to see what she was loosing and her friend would make fun of her if she wanted to speak to me. In the beginging of July she said she would like to try to get things back. I was so happy, but she was acting strange. In August she always said she had something to tell me but wouldn't. Then for 2 weeks straight she would throw up and have panic attacks so severe that she had to quit her job, and get a depression medication for a chemical imbalance. Three weeks ago she came clean. She told me that the Sat in question she met a guy (her friend's cousin), on Sun she met him at his house and "accidentaly " slept with him. She said "it just happened" and she wanted to feel pretty, but it only made her feel worse. That is the real reason she broke up with me is that she felt guilty. There's more. Her friend and her drank everyday of this summer. This worried me from the getgo because her friend hung out w/ nothing but trashy redneck guys ( I go to school and live in a decent sized city, and she is from a small town right outside the city that has a bad redneck reputation) and when my dirl drinks she gets a little excited too easy. In mid May she slept with another guy, she thinks but can't quite remember, but she woke up barely clothed next to a guy the next morning and remembers making out with him. She claims that the whole time she felt guilty, but thought I was sleeping w/ someone else too because I changed my apperence and did a bunch of NC. I will admit I kissed another girl and got 2#'s but I kept my pants on. The final incident that scared her straight was she kissed another guy, while drunk, and he tried to force her to pleasure him. She said she got away but he bruised her arm pretty bad. We have been talking constantly. I still love her and she still loves me. When the info was revealed she let me cuss her out for 2 hours. I used every term in the book to discuss this kind of behavior. She never once defended her actions, just cried and said I'm sorry, don't leave me, etc. I decided to try to turn the ohter cheek. I told her she was going to have to rebuild my trust, especially when I'm at work and she isn't. She has been trying hard. She cleans my house when I'm working, calls me to tell me exactly where she is going, who she is with. She gives me her cell phone everynight and asks me to go through it. She lets me rage on her if I get upset about what happened, she won't defend her actions. She told her friend that they could still talk, but no more parites and chasing men. Her friend tried to tell her that she was making the wrong choice and being single is the way to go. My girl told her friend she might need to change her life, and she and I hold her partialy responsible for what happened (because of the ho-ish environment.) Am I doing the right thing trying to forgive. It hurts me everyday to know that my space was violated 2 times, the one while we were together hurts worse than the other (we were broken up so technically it wasn't cheating.). I love her, she loves me. She says she got scared and confused, and she was being fed bad info from this friend, who played the "I'm your old best buddy, hang out with me, screw being happy, I'm miserable come be miserable...I mean single with me" card. I want to be with her forever, but now I'm feeling insecure physically more than anything. She says physically I do for her more than the others because she couldn't stay away completely and she came back, but when we are intimate I always wonder how I compare to the others if this make sense. Any advice? Please help

Thanks for the responses. I am trying to do NC and I have surrounded myself with friends. When she calls when I'm with them she acts sad as if she is the only one allowed to party. Also we are both jealous, she asks if I've been seeing girls, I ask the same. Does this mean we are both afraid of losing the other for good? I am very familiar with the single life, but i have always though being in love and being loved is way better than going out to party or hanging oput watching sports. My friends are trying to get me to start dating again, but I am only in love with her. I can't imagine being with anybody else. Now if I find out she is dating again this will change my whole outlook. I'm a wreck, but i've been getting better the day, I think of her less and less, but it still hurts right before bed and right when I wake up.

I am in the same boat. My ex of 2 1/2 years (live in for 11 months) dumped me, but she says we are on a "break" and she still loves me but doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. I too want to get her back so bad. She started dating me right out of high school, and now she wants to have space and time to be on her own. (could be the truth or could be female speak for "I don't want you anymore, but I don't have the heart to tell you that straight up"). We still have contact and are occasionaly physical. Way too confusing for me. Part of me thinks that she just wants to catch up with her old girlfriends (which I always said to her when we were together "call your friends" and she'd say ""i only want to be with you), but the other part of me thinks she wants to see if she can find someone else better than me. i feel like I'm Plan B. I am trying NC I will go two or three days, and then she'll call. I then become excited and call her back, but when I do she is busy with her buddies. I feel like I can only talk to her on her time, can only see her on her time, etc. This hurts very bad because I changed my life completely for this girl. I used to be into drinking and drugs, and I stopped totaly except for the occasional drink. Then she throws me away like the trash on Thursday to hang out in a small town with the same day in day out drama that has occurred for years. AAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH

I hope it all works out for you man. I am going through the same type deal. My ex needed space, but she still contacts me regularly. She won't come get all of her stuff, just a little at a time. SPACE huh. I know exactly what you are going through as far as your mind wandering. I do this all the time and I can't help it. Its the image of your girl with some dude that is sickening. That's all I see when I don't hear from her. The only thing I do is try to not mention the relationship (very hard to do!!) when you are near her. I feel like we are on pause just as another poster has said. My best advice would be to give it a month or 2 and then have a heart to heart with her. Hope it works out for the best. Hold your head high brother!

I feel ya man. Keep your head up. Try to stay busy and use NC, to give her space and to give you space. You need to heal and this sounds harsh but try to make it "out of sight out of mind", in my case it is "abscence makes the heart grow fonder", but my break-up has been 2 months since the bomb and eventhough my ex and I communicate semi-frequentlly, I leave the contact up to her. I have had a cuple breakdowns, but we're only human. I leave the contact up to her for two reasons: 1. She wanted the "break" (I'm treating it as a break up) so she can call me. 2. If I do call at an inopportune time like when she is hanging out with her friends, I will get my feelings hurt. Same goes for inviting her to do things, if and when she says no, or worse says yes and then backs out, IT WILL HURT. I know Try not to think about what she is doing everyday, I know its hard, I still do it, but it becomes less tragic and more acceptable as each day passes. I hope you work it out, just try not to dwell on it too much. Stay BUSY

Keep your Head Up girl. You are a very pretty woman, and I am sorry to hear about your situation. i have also been hit with the "space, time, find out if I'm missing something" lines from a girl I dated for 2 1/2 years and lived with for almost 1 year. After the inital bomb in April we tryed to stay living together (lease runs ot at the end of July), but it was too hard for me and I was making her uncomfortable with all of my "Why Me","Why now" questions. I will say that I did my share of crying too, so don't feel bad. Change things about yourself to, but don't tell him. Start dressing sexy, change things, let him realize you can improve yourself WITHOUT him. I think you should try to get out as much as possible, this might mean driving around to clear your mind, going for a walk, etc. Try to get away any way you can. I feel bad for you because you are in a new place. Perhaps you could contact your old friends and yur family. You are always welcome here as well. Don't get stuck on photos or mementos, I did and the pain was unbearable. Give him space, but if he's fooling around (hope he's not) I wouldn't stand for it. If he comes rushing back too soon, I wouldn't allow it. One thing that appears to be working for me is to make yourself LOOK busy and remotely happy (eventhough you are hurting inside). I am in no way a relationship guru, just giving my 2 cents on your situation that sounds similar to mine, especially becasue we were the dumpees

My now ex and I dated for 2 1/2 years, living together for the last 10 months. We had a great relationship, very loving, affectionate, rarely fought, etc. Then out of the blue comes this girlfriend she went to HS with saying "I don't know if I have any real friends left.....Everyone I know is in a relationship and I don't have anyone...blah blah blah. (I really HATE this girl because I believed she changed my girlfriend completely.) Then all of a sudden its "I need space...I want to be free...I want to see what else is out there..." She is only 20, but the whole time we were together I always said "Call your friends.... go out with your friends" and she'd say "I just want to be with you.. I need you, please don't ever leave me....all the other lies people say when they pretend to love someone. I just don't understand how she went from being totaly obsessed with me to wanting a "break" within days. I did no wrong in my book. I gave the girl everything. I gave her my time, my heart, I took care of here when she was sick, I helped her manage her money, I helped her to get over her fear of being in crowds, etc., etc. What did I get in return? I broken heart and walet. That was April, fast forward to June. Since then we have maintained almost daily contact, been intimate a few times, she contacts me more often than not. I'm thinking I need to let this go because it hurts me so bad to be in love with someone, who half-ass LIKES me back. There is a complication though, she moved back home w/ her parents and I moved in with a friend who recenty went through the same BS with another girl. Our lease isn't up until next month, so there will still be rent and another round of bills. She has also quit her job, so that leaves me payng all of the bills until she gets a new job. I want to let go sorta, but I'm not going to do anything until the $300 she owes me has been paid back. I really do love her and want to get her back, but here is what I'm asking you ladies (male opinions are welcome too) 1) Should I try to ride this out because she is young and being influenced by a total idiot who is known for two things; being "loose" and being shady? 2) Has she made up her mind that she is through with me, eventhough she says things like "friends for now" and she still occasionaly has sex mith me? 3) It seems like a lot of guys I know deal with this from women, what makes y'all change your whole mind state in a matter of days. I am in no means bashing women, I am curious because I'm so confused. One day she acts like we are cool, then the next day we can talk and she acts like she wishes I would disappear. I have quit mentioning the realationship, except today she kept asking me whats was wrong and I said "I still have the same feelings as I did 3 or 4 months ago, you know the words that go with it." ( I didn't tell her I love her because I would rather not say it than have it not returned.) 'Her reply "OK.. call me later f you'd like" Wow I feel great about revaeling that info. (insert sarcasm here)

1 Usher-Burn 2. Eamon- I don't want You back 3. UGK Ain't That A @!#$

From a male perspective here is what I would do. Get to the point, and make it brief. You will feel guilty for a while, but it will hurt him a lot less in the end than if you linger. I am on a "break" (yeah right) with my ex. I am almost to the point where I wish she would've said " it's over goodbye", instead of calling me and seeing me frequently. It will seem cruel at first, but in the end he'll be better off. Initiate NC pronto. You are the dumper and it is up to you to initiate contact if/when you want to. Thats just my opinion.

I am on a supposed "break", but I am not getting my hopes ip for a grand reunion. Anyway my best advice to you would be to do as mentioned above and be yourself. Don't sit alone and think about your ex. We used to live together adn I had to live in OUR house alone for almost 2 months. I felt awful, lonely, hurt, empty, and so on just like you. Keep busy, hang ut with friends/family, and try not to think about it. When I catch myself thinking about it I tell myself not to. It is starting to work.