ashnna Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I went from high school to marrying the man of my dreams. Now that he is gone I still find it hard to move on, I guess I still don't know how to cope with his loss. The only thing of him is our son and the memories. I don't even have many pictures because his family took most of them away from me. Funny tho because before he died no one in his family would talk to him for being with me since they didn't like me for my race. They don't even like my son who is my late husbands clone. Well it's there loss not mine. Sometime I feel like I am ready to move on but other time I feel stuck in the past. Not a day goes by that he isn't on my mind. Guess I am not sure if I will ever get past this. Any advice from anyone to help me get thro this pain? Link to comment
White Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I'm very sorry for your loss. How long has it been since he passed away? Maybe you should try to find support a group and talk about it. Try to find a hobby so you can keep your mind busy. Link to comment
Notagoodninja Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Aww I'm so sorry can you tell us more details? How long were you guys together why did he kill himself? How old is your child? are you two close? why did his family take them away from you? im so sorry Link to comment
Melting Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 So sorry to hear of your loss. I think a support group would be a very good idea for you. Link to comment
ashnna Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 I'm very sorry for your loss. How long has it been since he passed away? Maybe you should try to find support a group and talk about it. Try to find a hobby so you can keep your mind busy. Thank you, I have been in in a support group since he passed away. It is getting close to a year since he has been gone, but i just still feel empty inside. I think I will look for a hobby to try and pass the time, thank for the idea. Link to comment
camus154 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Hobby is a great idea. I honestly can't imagine going through something like this. You've got to be one hell of a courageous lady. Link to comment
ashnna Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 Aww I'm so sorry can you tell us more details? How long were you guys together why did he kill himself? How old is your child? are you two close? why did his family take them away from you? im so sorry We were together for 8 years. i turned 19 and met him and knew he was the one, honestly i though he was going to be with me till we were both old and had grandkids. I honestly don't know why he did what he did, no note or anything left behind, all i know is that his past was very bad, started to get beat by his step dad at the age of 5, father was a drug addict and didn't want his son around, his brother blamed him for everthing bad in his life and his mother would get so drunk she would pass out naked on the floor. at the age of 13 he ran away from home and no one looked for him so he ended up on drugs. by the time i met him he had been off drugs for 3 years and wanted a better life so i helped him out with that, he went to college worked and was the best father to our son. But he went back since his mother got cancer and she wanted to see him and there something happen and took his life. They never liked me for being mexican. i wasn't good enough for them. My son and I are very close, we spend a lot of time together and play a lot. He is my whole world. Link to comment
ashnna Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 Hobby is a great idea. I honestly can't imagine going through something like this. You've got to be one hell of a courageous lady. Thank you, it is very hard and honestly I thought about taking my own life but I have a son and I can't leave him. My boy is keeping me alive right now, I miss my husband so much but I can't leave my son. Link to comment
ashnna Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 So sorry to hear of your loss. I think a support group would be a very good idea for you. Thank you, I do attend them but I still get depressed. Link to comment
Snny Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Wow, that is hard. You have my condolences. As for the pictures, is there a way to get them scanned and either keep an electronic copy or print them out on photo paper? I'm surprised to find out his family took them since you are his wife and might have priorities on what they take. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 You're actually coping really well for someone who has suffered such a tremendous loss less than a year ago. Especially since you were with him for so long, and from such a young age. Please understand that there are no magic wands here to take the pain away, and that the most important thing you can do now is have patience with yourself. You won't be over this after one year, maybe not even two. But things will continue to feel different as time goes on. You can count on that. Grief takes a long time to heal through and just like a flesh wound, you can't speed up the healing. Trust that with more time, more and more healing will happen. It really takes more distance away from the events, and filling your life with new events, for the pain to get less. No quick fixes. I know that's disappointing to hear, but the good news is that better times await you with less depression just as you continue to live your life. It's mysterious how healing happens and when, but it won't always feel like this. All you have to do is keep focusing on the here and now -- what you can do now for yourself. Sometimes that might be playing with your son, sometimes that may be crying again. Every day we have the chance to appreciate something in this world. Find those little moments each day; maybe even at the end of the day, write about what you noticed in the world or about being alive that made it special. Look around you for beautiful and small things. I'm sorry you're going through this but you will get better. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Hi. Welcome to the site. I am glad you found your way here, but I'm so sorry to hear the reason you are hurting so much. It is heartbreaking. You sound like a very strong person and a wonderful mother. Aside from your support group, do you have any close family or friends helping you out? How old is your little guy? Link to comment
Notagoodninja Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 One of my best guy friends growing up, his dad was very religious well known in the community and a great man yet my poor friend found his father dead on the floor in their home- he had shot himself! Tragic. TO THIS DAY they don't know WHY! Now he DID live in Washington so that has a high suicide rate where did your husband live? Also was he religious at all sometimes religious people battle inner demons and they kill them selves because they feel evil inside and they can't win so to speak I am so sorry..........................................................at least you had that though ya know? I'd of rather lost my husband to suicide than to some dame You literally have a fairy princess story ya know? You can dream of him forever you can visit his grave and talk it out....the best thing of all is...he was yours alone you never had to share him with another woman Link to comment
ashnna Posted November 6, 2011 Author Share Posted November 6, 2011 Wow, that is hard. You have my condolences. As for the pictures, is there a way to get them scanned and either keep an electronic copy or print them out on photo paper? I'm surprised to find out his family took them since you are his wife and might have priorities on what they take. His family doesn't like me or my son, his brother (my son's uncle) would email me saying he was going to take my boy away but i just blocked him and never again heard from him. They don't like me cus my skin color is brown so they took everything they could away from me that was his. But I kept the only thing worth having that was left behind which is our son, who is actually more like his clone Link to comment
ashnna Posted November 6, 2011 Author Share Posted November 6, 2011 Thank you, I will do that and write down the beauty I see that I have been missing. I honestly thought I was going to be bitter for a what happen to me but it didn't turn out that way. Even tho I wasn't allowed at his funral since he did it in indiana and I was in california at the time. He was visiting his mother who wanted to see him to ask for his forgivness since she thought she was dying. He had suffered a lot by his family, they all abused him physically and mentally from the age of 5 to 13 and then he ran away. I don't hold a grug against them, but I don't want them near me either. My son and my family and friends is all I need for now Link to comment
ashnna Posted November 6, 2011 Author Share Posted November 6, 2011 Hi. Welcome to the site. I am glad you found your way here, but I'm so sorry to hear the reason you are hurting so much. It is heartbreaking. You sound like a very strong person and a wonderful mother. Aside from your support group, do you have any close family or friends helping you out? How old is your little guy? Thank you, my lil one is 5, he is so big tho, he looks like he is 8 and since I look like iam 23 people ask me if he is my brother lol. I am very close to my family and I have some good friends that are helping me thro this which is prolly why I am doing so good. Don't think I could have gotten this far with out all their help. Link to comment
ashnna Posted November 6, 2011 Author Share Posted November 6, 2011 He was all mine I loved him with such a passion and he said he felt the same way. Honestly he was such a great man, he was so romantic, we would go for walks and he would sneak into peoples gardens and cut a flowers for me. He wrote me poems and place them around the house so I would find them. Sometime I would get home and he had a candle light dinner ready and he hated cooking but he would say I was worth it. It truly was a fairy tale that I lived by his side and just like in the old love stories it also ended in tragedy, but if I knew from the start that I was going to have such a short time with him I would do it all over again in a heart beat, he gave me our son and showed me what love was. I would never trade that for anything. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Thank you, my lil one is 5, he is so big tho, he looks like he is 8 and since I look like iam 23 people ask me if he is my brother lol. I am very close to my family and I have some good friends that are helping me thro this which is prolly why I am doing so good. Don't think I could have gotten this far with out all their help. I'm so glad that you have a support system of close people. It's really a shame that his family are a bunch of racist jerks. But just as you said, if they choose not to bother with his child, then it is THEIR loss. They can't take your son away either. It sounds like they are bunch of wackos. I am glad you cut them off. Link to comment
Notagoodninja Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 It goes to show how selfish suicide is... There's been times i wanted to die even though Ive got a kid your age also.. I didn't want to live anymore But I told myself- I am needed here... I truly wish he had of thought of that, it doesn't make sense! Not to be weird but you're sure it was a suicide right? It doesnt make sense Link to comment
tjcalif Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Hi, I haven't ever written about this but I think it will help you knowing someone's been through the same thing as you. My boyfriend of over three years at the time killed himself as well. He hung himself in an area that is downtown sort of in the public! This felt like the worst thing that could ever happen to me and it happended!!!!! I had no support as well. We had a not so great relationship so my family could really care less as cold as this sounds they didnt care at all. His family was suportive but his father had so much guilt about this I think he didnt like me around as I reminded him that his son killed himself. I dont know but I was so thankful that I had her to talk to me about him. I so needed that and he told her he didnt want us talking all the time about Juan. I am kind of getting upset but I will tell you more later if you find this helpful... Take Care Link to comment
thejigsup Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 My bf died last year, but not from suicide. His family was always nice to me while he was alive, but not once he died. They took the house, all of his money, his clothes, everything! I was left with my memories and nothing else. What they don't know is that he told me they would do this and to get far away from them if anything happened to him. He called them a bunch of cluster f***ks and told me he only talked with them to keep in touch with his grandchildren. He did love his grandchildren very much. You are better than them and don't you forget it! You have his son and that young man is worth more than anything they took, far more. Hang in there, it does get better with time. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 I'm so sorry for your loss ashnna. His family really don't sound like very nice people .... so remember this .... he was very, very lucky to have found you. You gave him the best years of his life and a beautiful son. You have a lot to be proud of. You taught him how to love and showed him what it felt like to be loved. I'm so very sorry this had to happen. Link to comment
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