happy_camper Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 Hi everyone. my boyfriend and I broke up this time three years ago, we'd been together a year and a half. no cheating or anything, not going into reasons behind breakup. He broke up with me. We got back together about 3 months later. Against the advice of so many people, I contacted him and we met up and have been back together pretty much since then. Or so I thought. I contacted him to meet for coffee, and we did. We caught up on the few months apart. and then at the end of it all we kissed, and I suggested maybe we should try get back together. He said yes. We've always been long distance unfortunately, due to work commitments. Recession has made things difficult but inspite of this, for four and a half years in total, we have travelled, and outside of the few months off, we have made things work. This does mean however that we don't see each other during the week, only at weekends. So the weekend after we met up again, he went off for a lads weekend away. I tried not to think about what might happen with a lads weekend away, especially knowing some of the guys he went away with, they are heavy drinkers. but I put it to the back of my mind. and we got back together have been together ever since. A few times though, I did ask him about that weekend, and what did they all get up to? It eventually came to light that he had kissed a girl that weekend. I was upset because as far as I saw it, trying to get back together means you don't do that. but I put it down to drunkeness, and it was just a kiss, and he loves me and things are working, so leave it be. but something about this never sat well with me, and this weekend, I don't know what possessed me to ask again, but I did. And the answer was different this time. This time, he said yes, he did sleep with this girl. I just don't know how to feel. I felt numb for ages, and then angry, so bloody angry. then upset. then angry again, like a yo-yo. He says he didn't cheat on me, that we weren't back together. Again, I feel that if we were talking about getting back together, then he shouldn't have been sleeping with anyone. He said he didn't go out with the intention of sleeping with anyone that night, it just happened, he was really drunk, and that he only vaguely remembers what happened. He says he would have told me sooner only he knew that if he told me at the time, I would never have got back with him, and he's right. but I don't know where I stand or how I feel anymore. I feel so betrayed. he lied. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he did it, or the fact that he lied about it. we were apart three months during which he wasn't with anyone, I kissed 3 guys, and felt awful about that. then we talk about getting back together and he sleeps with someone else. and then when he told me he tried to justify his actions by saying we weren't back together yet, he wouldn't have done it if we had been. I'm just so confused. I'm so hurt. He's the only person I've ever slept with. I know everyone feels differently about this, but to me, I can't understand how anyone can sleep with someone they don't like or have feelings for. I know men and women are different, but this cuts like a knife. what's really awful are the sordid details of the whole weekend. last weekend, he was out with some of the guys who he was away with that weekend. they were talking about the weekend again, and he was applauded for being the only guy who slept with someone that weekend, that didn't involve going to a brothel, as some of the other guys did. He bumped into her on the way home from the night club, and brought her back to the apartment they were all staying in. apparently, the rest of the details were all vague to him, he woke up the next morning, and she was gone, so he wasn't quite sure if anything had happened or not, but when he came home, he got checked by his doctor just in case. it turns out now, that one of the guys confirmed last week for him, that he had walked into the room and found them having sex. He's done nothing but apologise. He cried, I cried, he's been trying to console me all day, but I just feel so hurt. I feel so disgusted. And then in the middle of it all he also told me that he slept with another girl I know. Another drunken night in college. He went to college with her, and she now lives in my hometown. and I've never been sure why, but I've never liked her. I could never warm to her, and now I know this, I'm raging. I know this happened before I met him, and I know a lot of girls he's been intimate with in some way or other, but they've never bothered me so much, as it's in his past, and we both come from a small town! but I think on top of the other stuff he let me know today, it hurt a lot. I don't know what to do. part of me doesn't want to know him anymore, part of me feels so strongly for him that I want to get over this, but I'm not sure how. am I over reacting? or do I have a right to feel this way? I feel I can't talk to anyone I know because everyone I know also knows the girl he went to college with as well! Link to comment
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