happy_camper

Seeing you tonight makes me lonely for the good times, even after all this time. Makes me angry too for the pain you caused and how little you cared. I read all the stuff I put here at the time and remind myself why I left you, I had good reason. I hate I can still feel lonely for your arms around me when it meant nothing to you. Hate it.

I miss you in a nostalgic forlorn sort of way. I miss how much fun we used to have, how similar our humour was, how we laughed. How when I go out it's just not the same without you by my side. Like something is missing and I'll never get it back. And I wonder do you feel the same, does my absence outweigh the fun you're probably having now. In any way. Or have you just forgotten me? then I remember the tears I cried. More of them with you than without you I'll admit. How little you cared. How little it would have taken to make things better but you just never thought, you were careless with me. I wonder did you ever care? Do you ever feel alone or like you'll never meet someone like me again? a year without you has been long in many ways, it's flown in so many others. PS. My sex drive is back. It took me a year without you. Thats the effect your treatment of me has had! It has taken that long but at least I know it's still there!

I do miss you. I say to myself all the time that I don't. I tell everyone else that I don't miss you either. But I do. When I look back, the longer we are apart, the more I realise how selfish you were. How little you considered my feelings, or what I wanted. I look at how I was so easy-going about doing what you wanted to do. I slotted into your life for so long, enjoying the ride, never realising how much I was missing out on, but not really looking at what I wanted. I thought we both wanted the same things. I was wrong. I didn't know this for a very long time, until I realised that we'd never really talked about where we were going. Then I thought about that. And that seemed wrong. I know this isn't the reason it ended. it's just a recent realisation. it's just one of the many things that were wrong with us. And I have to think about those. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. This night 5 years ago, we met. 5 years to the day, Saturday June 23rd 2007. A date that was so important to me. And one you never thought of. maybe that's just a guy thing. guys don't always remember the little things like that. or maybe that's just one of the many excuses I made for you. So that I'd be ok with it. We went out this night last year to our favourite restaurant. it was such a wonderful night. I loved you and I laughed and smiled so much. then we went to Italy for a week, and it was the most amazing romantic holiday. I hate that I have so many good memories when I know how wrong we were. It hurts to say I love you. It doesn't feel the way it used to. I used to mean it more. It hursts to even write it here. Because it's admitting that I still care. I don't want to care anymore. I'd give anything for us to be right together. I really would. I'm sorry I had to hurt you. But you were never sorry when you hurt me. When I ended it, the most effort you made to contact me was text and email. I know you wanted to talk, and I shot you down. I asked not to talk, because it hurt me too much. But if it was me, I would have been breaking down your door to let you know I cared. We're different that way. even the simplest of gestures were an effort for you. funny that a simple gesture in my weakness would probably have been enough. That was why I knew I couldn't see you. I was too weak and vulnerable, and you always knew how to push my buttons. The easiest thing for me was just to walk away and cut all ties. It was hard for you I know. I'm sorry but I had to protect myself. I want so much to be over you. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I hate it.

you broke my heart before. ripped it to shreds. And though I never meant to hurt you, part of me feels..................what goes around comes around. I am sorry to be the one who hurts you. but you were never sorry. you always said you'd never find someone who loves you the way I did. guess you should have worked harder to keep me then. your loss.