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insecure about body/first-time sex after marriage..


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im getting married in 2weeks.


recently, more than ever i have been feeling really insecure about my body.i used to be a size 8, but now im a size 12.


my family/cousin sisters tease me a lot about my weight.especially my mum. she even commented yesterday when i tried on my bridal outfit, that she wishes i didnt become this podgy around my wedding time. even the tailor (guy) said ur not as skinny as most brides.


fiance says my weight is fine.but because im just about to get married, wearing sexy lingerie in front of him, revealing my curves is worrying me.


will he find me attractive?


am i sexy enough with this podgy belly and bum?


the thought of it is really bothering me, especially with all my cousin sisters being size 8/10's.


any advice would be appreciated.

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That's unfortunate, and not as simple to fix as "get over yourself, he likes you what is your problem?" I think a lot of it for women is in the programming you get from the general media. There are two ways to go or a combination of the two. 1) Lose weight. 2) de-program yourself into believing you are actually sexy and attractive.

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Sorry to be basic and blunt but it sounds like you need to either change your perception of yourself because many people who are size 12 are proud of their bodies, or start an entire lifestyle change based around diet and working out. If it really bothers you that much, why waste time feeling bad about it when you could be working hard at making a change?

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Change it then. And I don't want to hear the excuses of I don't have the time etc etc, it's really not that hard or time consuming.
I think that is oversimplifying things. It is hard work and it is time consuming for some people to stay in shape, so you cannot just assume that everybody has all the time and motivation in the world to stay in shape. However, if this is something that really disturbs people, and you cannot just tell them to forget about it. What more is there to do but work hard at a priority in your life?
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he does. constantly talks about my body, ripping tearing things off, being intimate, making love to me.


im not happy with my body, or at all confident with it anymmore.

wait, I'm confused--did you guys already have sex or not? are you worried about your "first time", or the "first time after marriage"? because the first time after marriage won't be much different than the usual sex, if he's already seen you naked and all! if he loves your body now, getting married won't change the way he sees things.


this has everything to do with yourself, and your negative surroundings. but first, it starts with your self-perception. when your family/friends tease you about your weight, you let it get to you, overthinking things, imagining more negativity than there probably actually was. you're still beautiful, and someone still loves you. you have only one thing to do: learn to love yourself! if you just don't like being your weight, then do what you can to lose it. and if you can't lose it, then see motto #1: love yourself!!

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That's unfortunate, and not as simple to fix as "get over yourself, he likes you what is your problem?" I think a lot of it for women is in the programming you get from the general media. There are two ways to go or a combination of the two. 1) Lose weight. 2) de-program yourself into believing you are actually sexy and attractive.


yes, both of those things. If you are not confident with your body right now, you can work on getting into shape again. I'm like you, size 12 now when i used to be an 8 and it bugs me. so, if you think you will feel better and more confident, work on getting your eating and exercise back into order. of course, this isn't going to happen between now and the wedding. maybe you can lose 5 lbs before the wedding but that is it. between now and the wedding, focus on eating lots of fruits and vegetables and walking for at least 30 minutes a night. if nothing else, you'll feel better.


on the issue of your husband, it sounds like he finds you desirable so no need to worry! go to victoria's secret or whatever other lingerie store and pick up some outfits that will flatter you. it sounds like he is hot for you, no matter your size, and that is a great man. do not worry!! and yes, lots of guys like a little extra to grab onto, lol.


tell your mother and sister and tailor to go f themselves, lol. even the tailor - well, you know what - if all brides were skinny, then how come they make wedding dresses in a size 30, huh?!? brides come in every shape. some go on a crash diet 6 months before their wedding to get super skinny and then they put it all back later.


have a great wedding!!

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i will go about losing it after the wedding.


no he hasnt seen me naked..we decided to wait until we are married. he does appreciate my body, saying he doesnt want a hangar, loves the fact there's something to grab onto.


losing the negativity from my mind is the tough part. i am quite a attractive girl, so thats a plus point. but the weight around my tummy is just bothering me. plus all my friends are soo skinny.


i want to rid myself of this perception that my body is ugly, but the question is how?

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Lovestruck, I think short, positive affirmations may help. Get naked and take a look at your body in the mirror. What do you like about your body? Is it proportionate? Do you have nice skin? Are your breasts shaped nicely? Is your bum firm? Recognize that bigger doesn't = jiggly nor does skinny = fit. Write affirmations that reflect what you like and what you'd like to accept. "My tummy is smooth." "My body is in proportion." "I have firm breasts." "I look good naked." "There are beautiful women of all sizes and ages. I am a beautiful size 12." "A size 12 is smaller than the U.K. average of 16." "A U.K. size 12 is equivalent to a U.S. size 10." "Most men find curvy women most attractive."


This is a great article from Stylist magazine (you have to read it - it's ideal for your situation and may help open your eyes to just how perfectly sized your body is):

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A snip: "Word to the wise: UK sizes and US sizes are different. Fabulous Magazine lists the ideal size as a UK size 12 which, according to most conversion charts is a US size 10. But we spent a little time in the UK, and it's worth noting that these size discrepancies can vary -- so while sometimes a UK size 12 is a US size 10, sometimes it's a US size 6, or once in awhile even a 4."


Men tend to focus on the positive in their mates body. His eyes skim over what he doesn't find most appealing. Women tend to focus on the negatives. Our eyes focus on what we find less appealing. He sees the larger breasts he loves. She sees dimply thighs. We have to try to find the positive.


Hope you enjoy your happily ever after. Good luck.

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