A year after we split for good.

[SA2000]

What's up ENA? So it's been a little over a year since the ex and I split for the final time. Man, I was a wreck! I moved in with one of my buddies and hated living there. His house was dark, dirty, and uncomfortable. Not what u was used to. I just wanted to go home. I was so depressed for months. I hated my job, my house, and my mom was really sick.

 

 

I remember thinking * * * happened? How did I get here. How did we get here. The ex was with someone else and I was cold and lonely. I drank. Alot. I dated a few girls but I knew none of them had a snowballs chance in hell with me. I just needed someone to make me feel like I was worth a siht. Probably not the best idea but it is what it is. I compared veryone to my ex. There was no comparison. She was beautiful. Exactly my type. I didn't know how to stop the pain or to get back to "normal". I tried to remember life before her. But 5 years is a long time.

 

I realized around December that I had to pull myself out of this. I was right. I didn't belong at my buddys house. It was a constant reminder of what happened. The first step was diving into work. Although I hated my job I was good at it. And there was room for advancement in my company. I interviewed and got promoted twice in 6 months. I had to give myself some pretty serious talks before those interviews. My true confidence had to show. So I faked my way through it and got the jobs. Still don't know how I pulled that one off.

 

Once my confidence started to come back I figured it was time to get out there and find a girl that I could seriously date. It wasn't that I needs someone but more that I wanted someone to be there. O met a girl who happened to be in town for a week but lived like 1000 miles away. She's a really cool chick. Her head and heart seem to be in the right place. She travels for work so I see her every couple of weeks. It actually worked well because I could take my time with her. I could sulk when I needed to and have my head high when she was around.

 

The next step was to move. Once I had about 3 months in I told my buddy I was gonna move. Thanked him for being a solid friend at my lowest time and picked up an apartment that is way more my style. I moved in about a month ago. It's a little lonely but I feel 10000% better. Now my only problem is that the out of town girl wants to move to my city! That's a good thing but I am trying to take it slow with her.

 

So I guess the moral of the story is that confidence is what got me out. I had to see daylight again. Working out and really taking the time to get reacquainted with myself were the two biggest factors. It took time and I still look back and wonder what I could have done differently but I really like who I am and where I'm at. I needed this. I am generally more happy now than when I was with the ex.

 

If I could go back and talk to myself 1 year ago I'd say "Hey dude, keep your head up. This * * * * sucks but you're gonna be alright. Focus on being the best you possible and let her go. Work out, be the best employee, son, and citizen you can and always stay true to yourself. Chin up, chest out, shoulders back. You got this."

 

The sun does come out. Just focus on you. I have no doubt everyone here will get through this and come out happier in the end.

[Tuffly]

What a great success story in healing. We get so wrapped up in thinking the only way to be happy again is to get back with the person that lead us to ENA, but I love how you wrote that you are more fulfilled now. Thanks for posting that.

[catfeeder]

Great story, and go you! I wouldn't ruin the good stuff by having a girl you're not wild about move in with you, though. But I doubt I needed to tell you that.

[MakeItCount]

I was wondering what happened to you and kid. Glad to hear everything's well man, I never had a doubt that you'd return with a success story. Any news from the ex? I know she was trying to claw her way back into your life. Shut her down for good?

[Goodfellas]

Great post SA2000, I like reading positivity here.

 

I've been single 2 months now after a 4.5 year relationship and I'm still comparing her to everyone I meet. I still think about her often and how things ended (see recent post in this forum).

 

Despite my inability to 'forget' her, I have reconnected with myself and I like who I'm discovering. I don't know if this works for everyone, but I'll share my recipe for increased confidence and self-actualization.

 

I bought a corkboard and pinned my 2011-2012 objectives on it. It's a powerful visualization technique that I highly recommend. I have "Apply for Italian Citizenship" (which is done as of October 7th, thank you very much) "Work out AT LEAST 3 times weekly" which I have honoured since the break up. I also have "Travel to Euro 2012 in Poland/Ukraine to watch Italy play" and I have the tournament logo as well as a plane. I've also got some grad school related items on there and focus on my job.

 

I love how it's staring at me everytime I enter my room. It's one thing to say "I gotta go to the gym" or "I should go back to school" but its another to actually visualize it daily.

[sadchick83]

Good for you SA- you deserve the best!!!

[imonlyhuman]

glad to hear you doing so well, bro.

[GotMyLifeBack]

SA,

 

Good to hear from you man. You've come a long way and there were lots of twists and turns. I like the way you fought your way through this and focused on getting your life right. Sometimes it's that kind of self-discipline that gets us through seemingly endless nightmares. You've inspired me to write a post-year update, although I don't think I've "landed" yet... but maybe that's the point... pushing ahead, and let the pieces fall where they may. Anyway, thanks for updating us.

[dissapointed75]

Thanks for posting your feelings. I have read many of your posts over the last year. You have given me great hope. You're post also demonstrates that the only person who can help us is ourselves. Best wishes

[SA2000]

Whats up ENA. Just checking in. Life is still good. Career is going great. I'm starting to get bored with the new lady but that's not out of the ordinary for me. No big deal. We'll see what happens. But or anyone out there going through the throws of it all keep truckin. Life is so good once you really let go. Unfortunately my ex hasn't been able to move on so easily. I guess the grass isn't always greener. Ha.