Something changed....

[SarahBeth]

Ok first, I wasn't sure where to put this. None of the topics really fit my situation completely. But I'm 17 and he is 25 so... that's... kind of an age gap..and we are not dating.

 

But I just really need opinions on this so that's why I'm posting this.

 

So there is this guy, named Stephen. He works at the gym I go to and he and I have have this flirting kind of back and forth thing going on.

 

Well last Wednesday I had yoga at 7:00pm (at the gym he works at) and he told me he wasn't going tonight because he couldn't get off work (he has come to the class with me a few times). So I was like "awe ok." then he said, "but I'll see you after"

 

So the class ends and there he is at the front desk. I wait on my ride to pick me up (which is usually around 9:50pm and class ends at 8:00pm) and he keeps me company. Which I thought was way nice of him considering he gets off at 8:00 and he would have to wait 2 hours past that just to keep me company ^_^

 

Anyway, I tell him I'm going to be here for awhile and he replies, "I can give you a ride home"

 

I thought he lived downtown (which is very far from where I live) so I said, "oh no its okay." he then begins to talk about where he lives and asks where I live, and it turns out we live in the same area. But by then the conversation had already drifted away from him taking me home so I never brought it up again.

 

Well then we watch a movie until I get picked up and during the movie he shares some pretttyy personal stuff. Illegal things actually. So I figure he trusts me.. right?? I mean, you don't tell a girl illegal things you do if you don't trust her, right?

I digress.

 

 

MOVING ON

I don't see him again until Monday. When I walk into my gym, he says nothing to me! He usually says at least hey. But he didn't say anything, he didn't even make eye contact with me

Then when I leave, still nothing.

 

Tuesday I go to the tanning bed with my sister, I wait for her on the couches which is right next to the front desk... exactly where he lingers. Nothing AGAIN. No "hello", no "what's up?" and no eye contact. He would usually come and sit with me.

 

Wednesday (which is today) I go to yoga and he is right at the front desk and nothing. He was talking to someone but it was like right in front of me and he didn't say a word or even acknowledge I was there, while this other guy that works there says hello to me very loudly accross the room.

 

So did I offend him when I said no to taking me home? I feel like he is going out of his way to ignore me now. And it really sucks because I really REALLY like him and like talking to him. To be honest though, I haven't said anything to him either, but I'm not good at initiating conversations. Especially with him, I'm very intimidated by him.

 

Anyway, do you think something happened?? Maybe he is just being moody. Do guys do that? How can he go from telling me ~illegal~ things he does, to completely ignoring me? Or did I really insult him by not letting him take me home? If I could do over I would definitely let him! D:

[laura40]

I don't think you insulted him by saying no to his ride home. I wouldn't be insulted/know lots of people who wouldn't be anyway.

 

Did he ever come on to you that night? Or try anything? As I can't figure out why he has suddenly decided to ignore you.

 

Maybe it was because he told you about his illegal doings, and is now feeling guilty????

 

 

Anyway, I think you should try and speak to him, find out why he is suddenly not speaking to you.

[SarahBeth]

OK, so Friday I went into the gym and saw him sitting on these couches. He was facing me and the other couches were facing away from me. I thought to myself, "screw it! If he is not going to talk to me then I will talk to him!"

 

So he waved to me as I checked in and I walk over there and say, "Hey.. I haven't talked to you in awhile.."

 

I then look down and see his ex girlfriend sitting accross from him! I tried to walk away as soon as possible but he kept asking me questions. Like, "Where are your parents?" I reply: "they're not here..." just trying to give him short answers so I could slowly back away.

 

UHG. Awkward moment.

 

So that must have been why he was ignoring me.

 

When I was leaving he was still sitting on the couches and he asked, "Hey! Are you ok?"

 

I reply, "Yeah!"

 

"Oh ok you looked upset.."

 

"No no I'm fine."

 

He gestures for me to sit down so I talk to him for awhile and he says, "Where were you working out?"

 

"Where... were.. you.. looking?"

 

"I checked he yoga studio but it was a karate class.. I checked the women's section..I got kind of worried."

I laugh and I don't tell him where I was because I didn't want him to know I was in the girl's locker room talking to my girlfriends about how upset I was.

 

he also says, "That was a little awkward.." (about seeing him with jessica)

 

I say, "Oh I'm sorry!"

 

"No it's ok it was more Jessica than you"

 

"Is she your girlfriend?" I bluntly asked him.

 

he kind of got tongue tied saying "yes... well she use to be..." then I think he ended on "yeah she is my girlfriend."

 

 

 

So.... That's it.

[Fudgie]

Well there you have it. He has a girlfriend.

 

I would just walk away from this one.

[abitbroken]

I think I would have walked away when he was telling you what illegal things he did. Was that his way of trying to impress you? Maybe they had a fight and he wanted to drive you home hoping you'd come home with him??

[SarahBeth]

Fudgie: Trust me. If I could just never see him again I would be fine. But he works at my gym and I see him almost every time I go in. Plus, he has always been nice to me and lent me some of his xbox stuff (which I still have ~_~) and every time I see him and talk to him I just feel this connection and that feeling I get makes it so I don't want to walk away. I like the way he makes me feel and it's hard to fight.

 

abitbroken: The illegal stuff he does is pretty bad. Not gunna lie. Not in a way it's hurting anyone but in a way that only low-life people do it. I just don't hold it against him. I mean, like I stated up there^ I feel something with him that lets me look past all the bad stuff he does. I am actually flattered he shared it with me (although I'm pretty sure he is fairly open about it for some reason -_-)

 

OKOK. I know I have issues. I really do need to move on. Not that this is why I like him but... did I mention he looks similar to a young brad pitt? cause he does. and that's another reason its so hard to move on. He is the most attractive guy I have ever seen. Famous or not. NOT THAT LOOKS ARE EVERYTHING. I'm just stating a fact. Actually I usually care nothing about looks but... his... face.... *drool*

[abitbroken]

 

abitbroken: The illegal stuff he does is pretty bad. Not gunna lie. Not in a way it's hurting anyone but in a way that only low-life people do it. I just don't hold it against him. I mean, like I stated up there^ I feel something with him that lets me look past all the bad stuff he does. I am actually flattered he shared it with me (although I'm pretty sure he is fairly open about it for some reason -_-)

 

This is a dangerous line of thinking. It is one thing to try to see the good in people, and to say hi to your neighbor even if they are doing things you would not, but you are talking about someone you almost considered dating. You should have really firm dealbreakers about people you want to date. And you have to get over the "i felt an attraction". Let your brain weigh in on it. It is one thing to be friendly towards someone, but for the people we date, and people we marry, we need to have very high standards of what we want to bring into our very private lives.

[Fudgie]

Well what are you going to do? I get that he's hot but he has a girlfriend. Even if things did go back to normal, he'll probably still have a girlfriend, so it's not like anything that you want can come out of this.

 

You could just start ignoring him at the gym. That's an option.

 

Let me guess, was this "illegal stuff" weed? Just guessing.

[SarahBeth]

Fudgie: Well I know he has a girlfriend but they have been on and off for awhile. Just saying. And I'm not really good at ignoring people. The front desk is like... right in front of the door. So they see you way before you see them. If he is going to talk to me I'm going to talk back. I'm not just going to keep walking. I just can't do that. But you guys are right. I'm not trying to argue with anyone.

 

hahaha but yeah! Your right! How did you guess? He is a major pot head and asked me 4 times if I have ever smoked weed... I guess he has a bad memory XD and he is a drug dealer (dealing marijuana and molly from what he has told me)

 

abitbroken: People do drugs. Especially young people. It doesn't mean they won't grow out of it. And he is still working (hasn't finished college but I think he just doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. idk because I haven't asked but I'm just guessing here) It's almost impossible to find a great guy, that I'm attracted to, and expect them to not party or do drugs in any way. idk I haven't met anyone like that yet. But like I just stated in response to Fudgie, I'm defiantly not trying to argue with you guys and I appreciate your advice. I will have to move on and just get over these feelings for him.

[Fudgie]

Well, I guess if you don't want to/aren't able to, then keep talking to him, but keep your distance, ya know? just be friendly but that's it. I think you will overcome your feelings with time. I think you know that this is probably the right thing to do.

 

I guessed because I a) knew it was illegal and b) if he were actually hurting people (which you said he didn't) that you probably wouldn't just "look past it". Marijuana use is pretty easy to look past. People smoking it, when you're my age (22), well, it's fairly common despite it being illegal. I've largely grown "out of that", and same with my boyfriend. Some do, some don't. I still know some who toke up everyday. I don't really hold it against them but damn, what an expensive habit. That's why I primarily just drink now...cheaper and you don't have to worry about cops.

 

I would be worried about the drug dealer part though...and the molly. DEFINITELY not a drug you want to be around, trust me. I'm not necessarily put off by a guy who has had a few joints but if he's constantly smoking all day everyday and/or he deals, forget it.

 

You'll find a guy right for you, don't worry. I enjoy my alcohol once in a while, had my own few experiences with pot in the past (was enjoyable but probably won't again), and haven't partied at all. My boyfriend is the same. There are definitely people out there. I don't like the party, club, or bar scene at all. There's a lot more of it when you go to college and then everyone is like "YAY I AM 18!" but I can definitely find people who aren't into that. I'm about to finish college this year and I'm doing all right for myself. You will be fine too.

 

Good luck. I think you're doing the right thing here.

[SarahBeth]

thank you~! ^.^