Former woman keeps calling

[Mr Man]

Hi there,

 

I'm really just having a theraputic rant but welcome any thoughts...

 

She broke up with me about 2 months ago. I never wronged her. She decided to out-right tell me that she started seeing a co-worker not even 2 weeks after we split... I know, classy!

 

Anyway, she was giving the whole 'I love you, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, I pray we can be together in the future blah blah blah'.

 

Yes, I love her. But as far as I'm concerned the relationship is destroyed and I will never take her back no matter what she says/ does now. She had her chance, she blew it - her loss!

 

Anyway, due to her ridiculous mixed signals and her general annoying-ness, I decided to take control and take my own closure. I did this by writing her an e-mail about 5 weeks ago. The e-mail was dignified to us both, I took the higher ground, gave her and the realtionship a few compliments, said I was the break up is good for me (no lie, it really is) and (in other, more timeless words) made it unmistakably clear that this was goodbye forever.

 

She's now calling me several times a day! GRRR. She hasn't left a message or texted me, just calls and calls and calls - obviously I ignore her. I ignore her for my own healing and because the email I wrote says all that I need or want to say to her. She's such a fool, can she not add 2 and 2 together!?!?!

 

Anyway, not that it's going to make any difference, no way am I going to interact with her ever in my life again, but, out of interest, do you think that it is rude to just ignore her?

 

EDIT: HAHAHAHHAHAAHA!: OOOP that's a funny thread title!LOL... I mean MY former Woman keeps calling!

[QSP]

Sounds like my ex fiance calling me. I just ignore her. You did your part by telling you ex that its over in your email to her. She should honor that.

[trellabor]

Of course not! You have taken the high ground, and your maturity and emotional stability are obviously steps above hers. Don't allow her the cake and eating it too. Just as you have told me Mr Man(and now I can pay YOU back with advice!) do not contact her, or respond...she is looking for attention, for whatever reason, so deny her that which she wants most. You've already made it clear it's over and there is no going back so her continued calling over and over with no message even is very 'high school' to me. Chin up to YOU sir!

[QSP]

You the man MR.Man chin up

[Klokwurk]

Same thing happened to me yesterday, though she only called once.

 

I understand, it does feel rude as hell to ignore her... but what else can they expect of us? At least in the case of my ex, she knew I was very sensitive and hurt by the ending, hurt by the mean things she said to me, hurt by so many things she did to me and will never apologize for...

 

Funny seeing you being unsure of something, Mr Man! If aliens, unaware of the intense internal conflicts raging inside of us, were looking down on us from above, they would say it was rude; but we are not aliens, we are human, and the universe itself will only be experienced through this one connection to it. It is rude only if you are unfamiliar with the temperament and endurance of the human heart.

[Fudgie]

It sounds like she is butthurt, to be honest. She left you with the idea that she could be with someone else but she wants YOU as her fallback option. When you take charge and ditch her completely (as you should), her ego is bruised, she's butthurt, and she's trying to get you "back" as her fallback option.

 

Good move on not talking to her. Keep ignoring!

[Mr Man]

Thanks for the responses people! I was and still am completely dead-set on what the appropriate action to take is - which is do absolutely NOTHING. POW!

 

However, doing the best for one's self in this situation is intrinsically conflicted, which I find interesting:

 

either

 

1) Act based on physical wants. i.e I don't want her to be any part of my present or future existence and I want to move on and heal as healthily and rapidly as possible. So I ignore her completely, no matter what.

 

or

 

2) I do what my morality tells me I should do, which is alleviate her frustration/pain by being completely selfless and purposely acting in a particular (fake) way in order to validate her decision so she can move on easier. This is conflicted too, as if I were to do this it would be deceitful (which is immoral), but MAINLY, I'd be belittling my self-esteem to some extent: Yes, I could KNOW myself that I acted in a deceitful fashion to make her feel better (which, perhaps, would save (boost?) my self-esteem, BUT I'd also get rejected AGAIN!

 

So, either I'm selfish, or I'm selfless. If I'm selfish, I get my physical wants, but I cheat my morality to an extent. However, if I'm selfless, I honour my morality, but that could damage myself.

 

I'm going to be selfish. I know what I'm going to do. There is no doubt. But it's interesting to express and explore the conflict.

[Stay_home]

Personally, I would probably pick the phone up one last time and tell her that there's nothing she can do or say that will change my mind. And I'd ask her to not call me or text message me again.

[MK9]

Don't let her back in, she's playing games with you. Next things you know she will call you up complaining about her new boyfriend's problem. These women pretend like they're "confused," but they know exactly what they're doing. Run run run, as far as you can.

[Melting]

Personally, I would probably pick the phone up one last time and tell her that there's nothing she can do or say that will change my mind. And I'd ask her to not call me or text message me again.

 

I agree with this.....

[trellabor]

I agree with this.....

 

Why?? Obviously, she is looking for attention, so give it to her? Even if you think you are telling her off, these women LOVE drama and thats exactly what you will give her. Deny, deny deny that which she wants most, if she can't take a hint she's stupid.

[Mr Man]

Why?? Obviously, she is looking for attention, so give it to her? Even if you think you are telling her off, these women LOVE drama and thats exactly what you will give her. Deny, deny deny that which she wants most, if she can't take a hint she's stupid.

 

I agree with trellabor. Not replying is the only wise option. Besides the other 65 million good reasons not to reply, she is being completely selfish. 'I'M going to call him beause I want to and because it suits ME.' It doesn't matter if I tell her never to never call again for XYZ reasons, she is so selfish she'll do it anyway because she feels like it and she's so unintelligent that she can't even see the truth.

 

Not replying is selfish, yes. But at least my selfishness can be justified. At least my selfishness is indirect. At least I understand myself and the consequences of my actions.