Women overthink men's needs in relationships...

[Derek]

I saw some posts recently, and it seems clear to me that women are reading too deeply between the lines of men's behaviour.

 

Men can be deep when they need to, but when it comes down to it, men are really simple creatures to please in relationships.

 

They have simple needs like a good sex life, they like good food, they like being financially secure and having low stress. You help a man meet those needs and they'll be yours forever....

 

Women can't seem to accept that it can be that simple...

They think there must be more to it, as if guys must be covering something...

 

Just a thought,

 

 

[theghost]

Your forgot to mesion closeness...

 

but you basictly got down right to it.

 

As for girls...very complicated creatures...

[YNP8112]

EXACTLY, us guys are very easy to please....we only need a few things. Girls read into every action that we make as meaning that we are unhappy with them or don't love then anymore. Girls on the other hand.......good luck trying to understand them. Just when you think you've figured them out BOOM your back to square 1.

[JonnyG]

Have to agree

 

Men are more simple, women are complicating for some reason, but never mind.

[dpressedone89]

women really arent as hard to understand as everyone seems to think. the reason most men cant understand women is because they look at them as women, not people, men overthink womens behavior also women arent hard to please, decent sex, a man they can have deep conversations with, and some security. its the stereotype that men dont understand women that gets into a guys head and he overthinks thing, maybe its the same with women, just a different oppinion

-stitches aka The Antihero

[bzborow1]

Or as Eddie Murphy say women want, "HALF"

 

lol

[RayKay]

I am going to agree with dpressed's post here as a couple points are right on here. Women, at least some of us, are really NOT that difficult or fit into that stereoptype that we are! We have certain needs yes, but they are not that much different than a man's. A man who is not being fulfilled in any of the following: sexual, emotional, spiritiual, mental is JUST as often going to be unhappy as a woman who is not being fulfilled. While they might say it is because they are not being fed good meals, really, the good meals just go back to them feeling maybe emotionally unfulfilled, if they feel that for them someone preparing them dinner is a sign of their emotional commitment to them or something.

 

No, women are not that hard to please. And neither are men. Sure there are EXCEPTIONS of high maintenance people on either end, but they are usually unhappy with themselves and looking for someone to fill their own insecurities or their own void.

 

Where people and relationships fail is when those needs I mentioned above are not filled to the capacity the person needs them filled/met. The reason the other person does not fulfill them is not always because they don't care, or love, but due to miscommunication of those needs on either side.

 

You should not always think of it you are communicating/dealing with a man/woman, but rather with ones individual personality!

[mahlina]

Dpressedone89, you've just scored lots of browny points here!

 

Derek, I read a few your responses in the past, and think that you give really good advice. I agree with what you're saying. I think that what men are looking for, is what women are looking for as well. It's just the basic necessities for survival:

They have simple needs like a good sex life, they like good food, they like being financially secure and having low stress.

Women are looking for the same thing as well. I think that for both sexes, we both want someone who we feel that bond with, someone who will add that spark to our lives. It's hard to find someone who we we feel complete chemistry with, someone who fits that balance of: emotional, mental, and physical chemistry. When we do, it takes two people to maintain that chemistry. And what RayKay wrote, yes, I think that the 'high maintenance' type of people are the harder ones to please. It's not that both sexes are impossible to understand. It's finding that true 'chemistry' that makes it difficult. Chemistry's either there or it's not. When two people have it, and don't put in forth effort through 'communication', that's where things crumble. That's where things appear to be complicated. Good points though. Nice topic!

[Roxy6795]

I just don't understand why someone would call someone gorgous,beautiful so much say they want to spend the morning with you then 30 min later they say that they don't want to see you ever again. Whats the deal with pulling women around for the ride if you have no interest in that person?

[bzborow1]

Generally speaking men and women want the same things. I mean every guy I know ultimately would like to settle down with someone who pushes every button they have, and vice versa for women. The problem is in the communication. Women tend to spend more effort in the relationship because women tend to really analyze everything that a guy says. "what does he mean by this", etc...And a lot of guys really aren't able to communicate at that level with a women, to analyze things along with them and play the game, so to speak.

[jurupa]

women really arent as hard to understand as everyone seems to think.

I wish this was as true as you say it is. I don't mean to be rude or anything, but females tend to think and act on their emotions and not on logic. It is hard to tell when a female is going thru a female thing (it being her period or what) becuase one day they are nice and the next day they are depressed or mad or what ever. I totally agree that females should be treated as anyother humans, but the way they act and what makes up a female is what make males and females different. Plus if females where easier to understand then there will be no fun in trying to figure out the oppsite sex.

[RayKay]

I wish this was as true as you say it is. I don't mean to be rude or anything, but females tend to think and act on their emotions and not on logic. It is hard to tell when a female is going thru a female thing (it being her period or what) becuase one day they are nice and the next day they are depressed or mad or what ever. I totally agree that females should be treated as anyother humans, but the way they act and what makes up a female is what make males and females different.

 

That is crap. I know men who are more likely to act on emotions than women - get angry and close up. Hormones do not make us into irrational creatures - that was the same argument that prevented women from having the vote for several millennia! Individual people think differently - and just because one does not think "logically" does not mean they are illogical - maybe they think in terms of how things might affect OTHERS, or about how it may impact the future, or in a spiritual sense.

 

And, just because women menstruate, does not mean we fly up and down like that either. Sure there ARE some women who do, but again you are generalizing, or hanging out with the wrong women.

 

Treated as any other humans? Wow.

[Derek]

Jarupa, dude, you're not gonna win any friends nor get any nooky with that kinda talk...

 

How about you rephrase that to say something like:

 

Women tend to be more influenced by their instincts and feelings which can be a good and bad thing. Men tend to forget their instincts and other factors and focus on one thing which makes them miss things sometimes.

You know, men forget to think of stuff like, "if I attack Iraq, what will all my friends think of me the next day".

 

BTW, I agree that men and women want very similar things, such as real intimacy, meaningful connection, 100% trust, friendship and other practical matters in life.

 

But I thought to remind women that men are really alot simpler than your girlfriends, they don't have to be fed drama to live happily.

 

Men can sustain themselves on only a few comforts for a long time...

 

 

 

[bzborow1]

I think jarupa is right, but I don't think it has anything to do with PMS as the previous posters are indicating. In relationships would go with their emotions first. That is, they'll let themselves get into something (say an abusive relationship)...then try to rationalize their decision based on the emotion (attraction) they feel for this person. Happens all the time.

 

When women cheat they say things like, "it just happened" to rationalize their behaviour. As though their attraction just couldn't be stopped. Women follow their emotions (attraction) moreso then men do in relationships. They usually take the position that if they're attracted to someone, nothing else matters.

[sym666]

Maybe both genders undergo the influence of their istinct and maybe are the istincts themselves to be different. Minds of men and women developed into different bodies and so they can't have identical way of working (well, actually you can apply this on every human being compared to another, regardless of his sex). I go to the point: males produce semen constantly and they can get fiftysix women pregnant every day. Spreading DNA? No problem! Women, on the other hand, have a sex cycle, produce eggs once per month, and when they eventually decide to give it to someone, they have chosen just one DNA. Besides the thing will last for 9 months. In the meanwhile a man can have inseminated all the continent.

I think that's a natural thing if a woman sometimes seems to have more complicated ways of thinking.

 

Of course human coscience gets things more complicated; so you can find a woman extremely plain and simple in behaving and a man that needs to solve equations even to prepare coffee

[jurupa]

RayKay - Yes what I said was/is a generalization. And I should have worded it better like Derek said. And yes I may not make any friends over what I said, but I am also going off of what I have personally exprienced and know about female anatomy. I have a male friend who is emotional alomost 24/7 and his last girl friend was less emotional than he was. But his girl friend got very emotional when she got pregent by another guy (long story). My mom right now is going thru menopause. So some days she is very emotional and other days she is just fine. I have also dealt with females that have had a bad upbring and they can be quite emotional as I had to leave the room many times (I did volunteering at a female center, my mom got me signed up becuase I am good with kids). I most probably have worded my post like how Derek had it, but hopefully you are too mad at me.

[Celadon]

Hm, really interesting topic. I agree that we women can get in too deep trying to analyze men's thoughts, when they're not really thinking anything. But, sometimes when that happens it's because the woman is feeling her needs aren't being met. She's looking for affirmation or closeness. And he's apparently being clueless.

 

Problems occur when each sex thinks the other person needs exactly the same thing they do. On the one hand, they do -- they want to be loved and accepted. But HOW that love is expressed is what throws everyone off.

 

A man who thinks a woman just needs a good meal and she'll be happy is absolutely going to be baffled when she says, "You don't love me because you don't listen to me." And likewise, a woman who thinks a man wants to talk when he really just wants to make out is going to find him distant or single-minded.

 

It's not about either sex being more mystifying, I don't think. It's about taking the time to put aside our own sex's notions of love and try to understand the other sex a bit better. IMHO. Good comments all around though, everyone. Thanks.

[S1asher6]

Out of this exact theme I've bought a book called, "What Women Want Men to Know." It's simply to satsify a curiosity, but I was enlightened. At the same time, (maybe it was just the simple ways the author puts it) I was surprised how all that lack of understanding and communication comes to simple resolutions. I've never finished that book. My buddy still has it. What I've learned from that book is limited to a fraction. But there are a few things that I'd like to point out.

First of all, and I agree, women are not as complicated or hard to understand as we men think. Both sexes use logic to make sense of this world. But that of a woman's springs more so from emotions than a man's and men aren't, generally, as emotional. Though from whatever the base that logic sprouts, it's fathomable. While a man tries to come to an understanding with his woman, he'll need to dig deep into that emotion from which her logic sprouts. Although, us men generally lack that aptitude to get in touch with those deep, soulful emotions that women are more apted to feel. So are women too complicated? or is it just our failures to comprehend?

For two, time runs in a longer continuum for women. I've had this idea that, consciousness brings things keen to awareness and it goes the same with time. When awareness was keen on something, time slows down. Count every second of a minute for an hour out loud and an hour would be a longer length of time. Now women are aware of their days more so than men because women had to go through menstruation each month. Not all women get emotional and some only get emotional occasionally. Though for the portion of the population that do, I'd bet it wouldn't be a pleasant experience. And they had to go through it every month, aware of and counting the passing days, expecting that period of unpleasant time. Now... when women experiences time as such, keen on time, I would assume that it naturally follows that women are embidded with a consciousness so sharp that it brings her to awareness of more... things... than guys. Thus, we think the ladies are too complicated as getting too deep into things when they are just caring, motivated by a natural awareness more keen than we have.

[Derek]

I don't think it is just about the awareness of time but that is interesting,

 

I think women can keep more things juggling in their heads at once than guys can. And one of the ways their brains handle that is by instinctual resolutions to problems. While guys have to compartmentalize alot more to function.

 

But who knows, both sexes have strengths and I bet we would all be happier if we could let go of our fear of being vulnerable or found out to be someone we're not by the opposite sex and just let the connections happen without the baggage...

 

 

[asdf]

I'm a pretty complex guy with some complex needs. I don't want to elaborate on it, but I doubt there are any girls out there that are really completely compatible with me.