fiona1985 Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 My fiance seems to have thrown in the towel in the effort and romance department. He was never one for romantic gestures, but really it's gotten to the point where it feels like we are friends. Some background, he is 37, I am 26. It will be 2 years in January. We were talking and hanging out for a year prior as "friends". We got engaged in July. We bought a house together in August. The entire relationship is completely one sided. I put in all the effort. Anything we do recreationally is of his choosing. I always say yes. Even if it's something I don't want to do, I'm willing to give it a try because what's important to him is important to me and in the end I just want to spend time together (Although resentment for his selfishness has begun to build and that is changing drastically). I've been trying unsuccessfully to get the guy to go bowling with me for THREE DAMN YEARS. that's just one example on a long list. If we are watching tv, he always has the remote and we watch what he wants. Even if I dont like the show, i'll stay just to spend time with him. When the roles are reversed and I'm already in a room watching one of my shows, he will go in the other room and watch one of his. He has NEVER sat and watched a show he wasnt interested in just to spend time with me. Anytime his family invite us over, I always say yes immediately. There's never any question. Now I love his parents and have never been one to keep score, but he turns me down SO OFTEN when it comes to doing anything with my family. It just seems so wrong and lop sided. I have stopped even inviting him, because i'm sick of the rejection. By the way, we both get along with each others family famously-- no issue there! Here is one of the biggest pet peeves (SO SELFISH!!). he REFUSES to commit to any kind of plans in advance. it's so bad and has actually begun to depress me severely because I never have any kind of plans to look forward to on the weekend. I can't even ask him on monday morning if we can meet for dinner after work on monday evening. The answer is ALWAYS "i dont know" or "maybe". then he never brings it up again for the rest of the day. Same goes for asking about any kind of plans for later in the week. On weekends, we literally wake up and have no idea what we're doing EVER without fail. We usually get in his truck and drive aimlessly until the mood to do something strikes him. He says he's spontaneous, but give me a * * * * ing break-- it's just down right selfish!! i've been telling him for months that I need a vacation. on two occasions, his parents have offered one to us. the first time they had their time share booked and wouldnt be able to make it. so either we were going to use it or it would get wasted. when he told me about it i got SO EXCITED and said id love to go, for sure! a couple days went by, i asked about it, he said he hasnt called them yet. i remind him a few days later, still nothing. finally i give up and stop pushing because i start to feel like a nag. he never took the time to follow up with his parents and tell them yes. he knew how happy it would have made me, but just didnt care. this is why i say my happiness means nothing to him. second occasion was similar, you get the idea. There are so many other examples. He doesn't make me feel pretty like boyfriends prior to him did. never ever compliments me on anything. i dont remember the last time he gave me a compliment. sometimes i'll go out of my way to buy a new outfit for the weekend and get my nails done, etc and he won't say A THING!! He makes me feel like a convenient option rather than a cherished loved one. there are other issues as well. we hardly talk. he is so closed off. he doesnt ask about my day, really never asks ANY questions at all. it's like we've been living two different lives for a while now. I don't remember the last time we had a conversation that lasted more than 10 minutes. I am inquisitive about his day and life but i always get shut down and one word answers. there is no communication at all. and we live together and own a house together! The engagement was extremely unromantic & took no thought what so ever. I saw a ring I liked and told him about it. He went that day to get it and came home late that night wearing it around his neck on a necklace. He waited for me to notice it. When I did, he asked me to marry him. Didn't get down on a knee, didn't seem emotional and actually got up off the couch to go pee while I was still freaking out. Maybe i'm being too critical about this specific issue, but it just grinds my gears because it goes with the NO * * * * ING EFFORT THEME. I can't remember one time where he has surprised me or done anything romantic or said "honey, what would YOU like to do today"? or made me feel like he just wanted to be with ME. Any advice on if this relationship is dead or if im just being a whiny bratt?? Link to comment
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