Destiny2112 Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 Since I saw a picture 2 weeks ago that my ex got married already to the girl he left me for, I'm feeling worse again... It's absolutely nothing compared to the way I felt the first few months, but still it's a setback... when I think of him him, it doesn't hurt that much anymore, but the thought of him crosses my mind pretty often again despite knowing that he had obviously moved on looooong ago and loves someone else and married her already, stupid me still misses him ...and I hate it... Does it ever stop, do I ever truly stop loving him? I know, I have to forget him, since he doesn't love me anymore, but loves someone else and doesn't want me in his life!! Why doesn't my heart get that??? Did you find it harder to get over your first love (he was my first serious relationship and I was his)?! Maybe you have some encouraging words for me...please?! THANKS! Link to comment
bungalo Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 When you figure it out, let me know. For me, if my ex married someone else, I would be happy because that would mean the door is closed, presumably for good. My ex hasn't been with anyone since we broke up over a year ago (from what I can tell) Link to comment
WhenWillILove Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 Yeah, what you're going through is common. If I was in your shoes, I would feel betrayed. It's like all those moments you've spent together and held each other and said you loved each other, then one day he cheats on you, gets married and the whole thing- like it never happened. So yeah, I would feel betrayed. Who knows...Maybe he's the type of person that loves you only when you're there, but then again, I don't know your story. Have you tried online dating? It's bound to be good and bad. Just give it a try. Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 Hey Destiny (and bungalo) We are in the same class here- BU in August 2010? Although my ex faked out a reconciliation which lasted until about March of this year, its been about 13 months for me as well.During that time, my father became seriously stressed, died of cancer six weeks after reporting some stomach cramps. Only some of his insurance companies paid his life insurance--he was paying $2000/ month for 20 years. I had the fight of my life with these companies, which almost put me in the hospital!! He left my Mom nothing- except a lot of debt. My boss at work went to the funeral but then bullied me to the point of basically firing me....still going through HR, and I am on commission so having my own financial issues. But, I am excited to report that I am healed and happy. I have given up on dating, and now have to live with my mom because she cannot be alone after 45 years of marriage. There is so much more to life than just dating. If feels so good to "check out" from socializing in general. I mean, I will go out with a group of friends, but I'm not looking for a man. Some of the things I have done: taken up golf, taken up running, trying to get my work situation back in order, planning a huge 3 store reno to my house- very excited about this. Bought a Macbook Air, then an iPad- the best toys ever!!! Anyway Destiny, you have to push the thoughts of your ex out of your head. Get a dog, do some activities you love and slowly you will stop thinking for your ex. I knew if I sniffed around and figured out who my ex is dating it would be very hard on me. You must stop yourself from looking, and getting info about him. Its a huge effort to heal, but it can be done. I know it is very hard, but you are 27, you will enjoy time with a man again. Have you ever thought of just skipping dating for a while? Spend some time focusing on yourself? If you fill your life with pleasant activities, avoid your ex 100%, you will be healed in a couple of months- I promise! Link to comment
feenyx Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 A lot of BUs end up being a competition of who's-going-to-move-on-the-quickest-wins, that shouldn't be the case...You might've crossed the photos by chance but yeah...having an emotional reaction to them. Who knows if he's not thinking of you or not? I don't miss my exes but I do think about them from time to time. The door's been closed the moment we BU though...they were bad relationships. I typically took the dating route after a BU. Start fresh, hang out, get to know people without starting a relationship off the bat. I do think I would've benefitted with sitting single for awhile, but life finally gave me the right cards and I took it. It isn't a bad thing to be. I'm not sure why it's such a big deal to be young and single...even older and single. Being alone is great for the healing process. Once you're over your past you'll feel great moving on. Don't worry about time constraints either...people move at different paces. Link to comment
C_Unknown2005 Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 YEP......I'm on this bandwagon as well... Just saw a photo by accident of the guy my ex left me for and they were together.... At first It rough up my scare but then I remember the way things ended and how she treated me... All I can do is smile, because she's happy. He's her shift manager as the local starbucks in town and all I can say it "yes C you can and will find someone alot better" Not to mention the guy is not what you call handsome. But whatever I care enough to not do anything and it's kept me pretty safe. But trust me once you feel the need to not be in someones life any more all you can do it wish them the best. I will admit I still love my ex but not enough for me to fight for her or even give her a call or even acknowledge her because I don't want to fall back into a trap. Link to comment
Destiny2112 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 Yeah, what you're going through is common. If I was in your shoes, I would feel betrayed. It's like all those moments you've spent together and held each other and said you loved each other, then one day he cheats on you, gets married and the whole thing- like it never happened. So yeah, I would feel betrayed. Who knows...Maybe he's the type of person that loves you only when you're there, but then again, I don't know your story. Have you tried online dating? It's bound to be good and bad. Just give it a try. I actually don't really know, how I feel about it all... I have assumed that my ex would be married by now (since I had heard some rumours end of last year), but making assumptions is different to actually knowing the truth, seeing the facts... I guess, it's just that I can be 1000% certain now that it is definetely over for good... that he had moved on extremely quickly, as if our relationship never really meant anything to him...and it just sucks... it's very painful to have been replaced that easily and to know that someone else is his wife now For my own sake, I will stick to NC again... no news ever again about him and his life... it only hurts me and doesn't help my healing in any way... Link to comment
Destiny2112 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 Thanks for your post sadchick, yep, same boat here, breakup last year August... You know, the past few months I have actually been feeling better, thinking less often about my ex...well, until my friend recently brought me to his facebook picture again... I had actually defriended and blocked him last year right after the break up and since then stayed strong and haven't checked his facebook at all, but since my friend mentioned the picture, I became curious again and took a look and now I'm here again... made 10 steps back Ahhh, I should have resisted the urge to see the photo, it brought all the bad feelings back that I was fighting so hard over the past months I know, I will NEVER EVER do it again, news about him only hurt me and set me back... It's nice to hear stories from people who consider themselves fully healed! I know, I will get there...I just wished, it wouldn't take me that long I'm sick of missing him, sick of being sad... The stupid thing is, I have to study a lot lately, since I'll have my final bar exams end of November...so right now is not my time to go out and have fun... and when I'm sitting at my desk with the loads of studies, day after day, studying for hours...it's depressing itself sometimes... and then my stupid thoughts start wandering to my ex and it takes such a strength to push the thoughts of him and his wife out of my head I'm just happy, when my exams will finally be over and I can really start enjoying life again... anyways, my 2 cats are definetely a great help to make me feel better! Going for swimming 2-3 times a week since last year October has been a great help, too, to make me feel better! Anyways thanks again for your post! I hope you are right, and I'll be healed in a couple of months ....It's just such a long journey... Link to comment
Destiny2112 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 Thanks for your post feenyx, actually I'm OK with being single, I mean I'm not searching for anybody right now... I was never the one who couldn't be alone...I've always preferred staying single and waiting for the "right" one instead of jumping from relationship to relationship just for being able to say I'm in a relationship, no matter with whom it actually was... I actually know, I will love again and that I'll find someone who is going to love me the way I deserve... it's just very painful to see, how easy it was for my ex to replace me and moreover to marry her within less than 1 year Only lately I started looking at guys again... all the months before, I couldn't even imagine being in another relationship other than with my ex... I don't know, it's just hard to face the truth for me, I guess... I think I always had a tiny bit of hope in the back of my head, that she was just a rebound, that my ex would realize one day that he made a mistake and now I KNOW for a fact that it's not the case, that it's definetely over fo good... in the long run, it's for the best, but right now it's just very painful still Link to comment
Destiny2112 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 It's really stupid, what reactions just seeing pictures of our ex's can cause, isn't it?! And you know, instead of thinking, omg what a guy is that, getting married to someone within less than a year, that shows, how much he loves you... it just made me feel sad again... I'm trying to focuse on the bad things about him, it's just not so easy... the feeling of being betrayed, of being replaced came up again... I wished I could say, his wife isn't that good looking *sigh*... I find myself better looking though, haha, but it doesn't matter, it's not about the looks only, maye she is super nice, super intelligent, blah blah... but I know, that is none of my business... Sometimes I'm angy at myself, for feeling the way I feel...since I always thought I truly loved him, I shall be happy for him, happy that he found love and happiness in his life...even if that doesn't include me in his life anymore....and I know, hoping he would regret his choice one day is just very selfish of me... and I don't want to be selfish I hope, one day I can truly be happy for him....cause I guess, that is what real love is about, isn't it?! Link to comment
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