I need a change in attitude....Where to start? What can help? Advice please!!!

[RoxyGril]

My bf and I have been together for a little over 4 1/2 yrs which marriage has been in conversations more recently. Though our arguements seem to be over the same issue which they are a lot to do with my attitudes. I really want to prove to him that I can change and become a better person. He wants thing's to work out between us and same goes from me. He see's this great person inside of me but, wants that to show. I do have a big heart and care for him more thing anything. I can say I let my pride get in the way and get the better of me. I am tired of saying I am going to change and fall back into these bad habit. I am not a horrible person but, I can say my attitudes and getting defensive is not getting our relationship any where. I am only pushing him away and for him not to have any respect for me. Which it hurts me so much because it the person who I love and truly care about!

 

I need to do something about not letting my pride, attitudes, defenisveness get the way. I need a BIG change! What can I do or is there anything that will help?

[lukeb]

The changes that you are talking about usually occur slowly over a long period of time (if at all) unless something traumatic happens that forces to really examine your beliefs and attitudes. I'm not sure what else to tell you, maybe you are not right for each other.

[RoxyGril]

I see this negativity in so many people that are close to me and I know that being around them doesn't help. My bf has been the only positive outcome in my life. I think the hurt and the damages that certain family members have caused in my life are effecting the way I handle certain thing's. Which this isn't a way to handle situation's.

[Jetta]

It starts with awareness of the problem, then you have to take action to correct the problem. If you are not prideful or defensive or whatever else plagues what will you replace it with? That is how you begin to change. Like a diet you eat an jello instead of an ice cream cone for example. You have to figure out what to replace your bad emotion with in order to correct it.

[RoxyGril]

I would definitely want to replace it with more understanding, being aware of the situation, and admitting when I am a fault. Thank you for your advice Jetta...It's just going to really take time and hard work in order for this to happen.

[freeindeed]

In my past relationships I was the same exact person you're describing, and it drove people who loved me away. Jetta is totally right, it's starts with awareness. The key is self-awareness in the moment that the defensiveness is occurring. This is so much easier said than done, I know! But if you can somehow master that sort of self-discipline it will change your attitude/life. You have to actually become totally aware of your actions the moment your heart starts to pound fast, the blood rushes up the back of your neck, and you fold those arms accross your chest, you're mind has to turn inward and realize the physical changes in your body. The next step is to bring your heart rate down, deep breathing helps. Then you can start rationalizing your feelings. Why are you getting defensive? Why are you pissed off at your boyfriend? Is it really him? Or is it the person who cut you off on the highway, or your boss? Or do you just want to see him sympathize with you? It could be a whole host of things, but it's up to you to figure it out.