SethSLC Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 Ok. I get what you are saying. I am not trying to be right, well, I am sure it is human nature to want to be right. I should apologize for what was said. Should I do it now? Or wait a few days? If you're calm and not angry now is a great time. But first you need to take some time and reflect on the relationship. Try and remove your bias (your perspective) from the memories and see things as an outsider looking in. See if you can recall instances where he did things or said things that made you feel loved. If you can find some then in your apology you might reference one or two of those as examples to support your apology that says to his subconscious "Hey, I really mean it when I say I'm sorry for saying that to you. You did in fact make me feel loved and wanted. To further emphasise those points here are a couple of instances that we can both remember where I felt loved deeply by you." You should find your own words and stuff, but as long as it is sincere and comes from the heart (and you won't say something like that again, or do your best to not make him feel like YOU feel unloved) then I think you can't go wrong. Then just take a few steps back and give him some breathing room for his subconscious to process that. In time when he begins to open up more to you and you two begin to have a proper dialogue you should feel free to share your perspective in a constructive manner. But remember to listen to his as well. Then find out where your two perspectives are wrong, where they can meet in the middle, etc and go from there. PS. (Anything is fixable. Have faith) Link to comment
Hollyj Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 It seems like you're focusing on the one thing that was said, not the fact that the guy is falsely accusing her of things, and has refused to work on the relationship. I think we need to look at the big picture! He had left the relationship before she had questioned his love for her. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 OP, it sounds like you're bending over backwards for this guy. Why? Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted September 16, 2011 Author Share Posted September 16, 2011 Holly, this is where I am stuck Seth is right but he is te one that made that choice? Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted September 16, 2011 Author Share Posted September 16, 2011 That's how I feel too and it seems to be making things worse. Link to comment
DN Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 Look - do you want him back or not? Make that choice and, if you do, then listen to people who are trying to help you get what you want. If you don't then forget about him and move on. You are making this far more complicated than it need be. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 Holly, this is where I am stuck Seth is right but he is te one that made that choice? Would anything be different of the comment hadn't been made? Would he be willing to talk and compromise? Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted September 17, 2011 Author Share Posted September 17, 2011 I doubt it. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I guess you have your answer. Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted September 17, 2011 Author Share Posted September 17, 2011 Sent it. No response. Link to comment
DN Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Sent it. No response.Don't expect a quick response but if he doesn't respond at all then you have your answer and can move on. Link to comment
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