Psychological Tactics and Strategies

[chai714]

I hear many people on here saying they don't like "playing games" or "using strategies" or otherwise similar phrases. The bottom line is - we've been doing it our whole lives whether we accept it or not. To ALWAYS tell someone "how you feel" is foolish, and you can not win that way. For ex. how pissed would your boss be if you told him/her your true feelings? How bout your mother in law? My point exactly - it's not always smart to go that route. It's not always a wise thing to tell your ex how you feel. thereforeeee, to win (yes, I see it as a game), you must organize, plan, execute, and learn from it. I'm not by any means claiming to be an expert, but just be aware that tactics and strategies CAN work. You CAN be honest with yourself by accepting that people have been using psychological tactics and strategies since the beginning of time.

[justtwicethen]

yes. a good piece of advice. thanyou for sharing it with us.

[RayKay]

I am in total agreement with you, and also, I distinguish between one's motives. A lot of people call it playing games when some people on here talk of seduction, however I think there is a difference between doing it out of trying to control, or being manipulative, then out of love.

 

Just think back to when you first met your ex, dating in itself is often game playing, but you do it subconsciously, or as that is the way it is done. No different in my eyes. The only part is that you now DO have a history, and it is more easy to get discouraged, or frustrated and impatient, or hurt even.

 

Yes, I agree that there is nothing wrong with being a little more strategic in your approach to win your ex back. Now, if only I was able to stick to my advice more often - unfortunately this is new to me in practice as well and I am afraid I manage to mess up sometimes, and am also impatient at times.

[aireyc]

I agree that it is a game, but you can get carried away with it. Over time you lose focus of how to win, and everything seems to have a purpose. "She looked at me that way, I guess she likes me" or whatever, when "that look" had nothing to do with you at all. We can overplay our cards and such, so you need to be careful.

 

Chris

[talo]

Dear Chai,

 

Isn't the way to be honest with yourself to be honest at all times. If you have ill feeling towards your boss or motherinlaw isn't it time you explored those feelings and find why they arise? If feelings are explored as they arise, they are known, understood, and leave. They do not become issues. If there are issues, there is not honesty.

 

Honesty is the game where there are no tactics, strategies, others, just honesty.

[chai714]

If feelings are explored as they arise, they are known, understood, and leave. They do not become issues. If there are issues, there is not honesty.

 

The truth of the matter (and I'm being honest with myself, and you) is that psychological tactics and strategies exist. One can not deny this. When a spoiled child cries and gets his/her way, he/she has learned how to manipulate parents. This thread isn't about ill feelings toward anyone, but rather knowing that you DO and CAN control your actions, which have a direct impact on the people with whom you communicate - and using psychological tactics and strategies are often applied. Have you ever bought a product that you saw a commercial on? Have you ever voted for president? People can be influenced is the point I'm making.

 

If you have ill feeling towards your boss or motherinlaw isn't it time you explored those feelings and find why they arise?

 

I'm not sure if this was a personal attack or not, but I'll answer it plain and simple: I don't have a mother in law (never been married) nor do I have ill feelings toward my boss. It was simply a common example that I'm sure many people here can relate to. Finally, please try to stay more on topic, as this thread is titled "Psychological Tactics and Strategies."

[iceesnowbubble]

I think that you have a great outlook on the whole thing chai714, and I couldnt agree with you more. There are ways to make things happen beyond one's control, call it the result of a "strategy" or even "manipulation" but I think that this thread is right on the button.

[trishcollins]

I just find it hard because before we broke up, I considered him my best friend (and still do now), we never edited anything we said, we were both honest and open with each other about our feelings and our future. We never really fought, we just "discussed" things as they came up.

 

We still love each other, although circumstances make it impossible to be together right now, and perhaps never, but it's hard to go from no having to really think about things, to always thinking about what you say and do, and how it could affect a possible reconciliation. I hate that feeling of having to "edit" my words and deeds. I know he is editing what he says to me too, and it bugs me, but I know it can't be helped.

 

After we broke up, (and with other breakups), I always feel I have to be careful about what I say or do. I can't express my feelings of anger or frustration all the time, and I have to supress certain feelings I wouldn't have when we were together. So, in a way, it's a game we play with ourselves. I suppose if we didn't care about the other person, we wouldn't hold back or we simply wouldn't be bothered about it at all.

 

Just my perspective.

[talo]

Thank you for your reply Chai.

 

The truth of the matter (and I'm being honest with myself, and you) is that psychological tactics and strategies exist. One can not deny this. When a spoiled child cries and gets his/her way, he/she has learned how to manipulate parents.

 

You are saying that strategies/tactics exist for you. They only exist when you focus on them. Nothing is being denied here. Denial would mean that they do not exist anywhere. As you point out, a child learns manipulation. A child can outgrow this.

 

This thread isn't about ill feelings toward anyone, but rather knowing that you DO and CAN control your actions, which have a direct impact on the people with whom you communicate - and using psychological tactics and strategies are often applied. Have you ever bought a product that you saw a commercial on? Have you ever voted for president? People can be influenced is the point I'm making.

 

What do you see influence/manipulation/strategy/tactics being for? For winning. For control. For getting your own way. For survival. For enjoyment. .....

 

These views are not intended to influence, manipulate, change, anything. Views do not change anything. What changes is what holds views. If views are not held, there is nothing to change.

[Clarabelle]

Well said, Chai. There comes a point where you recognise how to best take care of yourself, and you stick to it. It's helpful to have rules and standards for ourselves, and I believe those rules and standards help us to be honest with ourselves and others in a productive way.

[Day_Walker]

The only problem that I have with psychological tactics or strategy is that there comes a point where the tactics are no longer natural to the persons personality and playing this game ends up consuming them. When people do this they end up not operating by their own tactics instead they are consumed with pride and cannot let something go. If a person wants to use these kind of tactics then that person also needs to know when the game is over.

[gesssho0o]

To quote (or mangle) a line from one of my favorite movies, The Sweetest Thing... it's not playing games, it's about self-preservation. Dating is all about boundaries.