ikermall Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Hey guys, I'll try to keep this short. My ex-gf and I had been going out for about 2.5 years until she broke up with me on august 25th. We have had a semi long-distance relationship as she goes to college here but goes home for summer. Anyways, we were MADLY in love with each other and everyone knew it. We had our future set and everything. Talked about marriage, kids, the whole enchilada. Past few weeks we havent talked all that much because she's been really busy at home (sick grandparent), however, whenever we did talk it wasn't all that romantic, just small talk. She finally calls me on the 25th and says she doesn't love me anymore and doesn't see me as her husband. She said that I am a great guy but for somebody else?! So i made the mistake of calling her the next day and begged and pleaded. She finally hung up on me Ever since I haven't contacted her in anyway (so thats 10 days today of nc). Guys I really want her back! Here's the kicker. She left for Spain on Aug. 31st! Isn't it going to be hard to get her back when she's so far? And I know for a fact she did not break up with me so she could fool around in spain (she's too damn shy to do it). Her sister is trying to help me. She told me that she has deleted all my emails and fb messages. Does this really mean she's over me? I'm going to stick through the 1 month NC period, but damn it's hard. I know my gf is really strong emotionally so i don't think she'll cave. But any thoughts??? sorry for the long message. Link to comment
DerekJason Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 its going to be hard to get her back because of physical proximity, is she staying there for good? most of us make the mistake of begging, pleading, crying, then we come here and learn that its not the way to go. lesson learned i suppose. Link to comment
Lithp Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 For whatever reason, she's ended it, and more than likely she isn't over you right now. By deleting e-mails, Facebook messages, and hanging up on you, it's possible she's trying to move on as quickly and painlessly as possible. You've made it evident that you want her back, but you have to respect her decision and her space right now. Chances are if you try and contact her, it might stir up old feelings - which as nice as it sounds, when you're trying to get over someone it can just make you angry and wanting further from the situation. Right now I would just try to focus on yourself and bettering yourself as a person, and let her be in the meantime. She had her reasons for ending things, as unexpected as it may have been for you, and she's probably trying to move on just the same with no disruption. If you want to send her a friendly 'hello' via text or Facebook, I would at the very least wait a month or two. Sorry you're going through this - being dumped like that SUCKS. Link to comment
Distant Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Hmm, it is what it is. I believe she is trying to get over this whole break up. The reason she deleted everything is because she still probably has feelings for you and to get over you the quickest would be to delete everything. Give it some time, she may come back and want to talk about it with you. Best bet, time to move on my friend. Distant Link to comment
catfeeder Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 If you pursue her, you'll sink your chances of her ever wanting to come back. Let it be, let her decompress in Spain. Go No Contact, and let her miss you. Link to comment
22n32 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 She ended so she can have options and not feel guilty about hurting u.. let her go have a goodtime.. she will be thinking about u.. and when she comes back u can have a shot.. grow urself.. mind, body, financial.. don't try to get her back now.. just push her further away.. Tell u love her, have a safe trip.. and go on with ur life.. its gonna hurt but put all that energy in making urself even better.. and she will see that when she comes back and be more attracted too u.. and if not u will be in a good place to meet many great women.. Link to comment
diarmuidz Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 My ex-gf abruptly broke up with me too. It was a shock because everything was going great.... of course I did the same thing you did... asked her to reconsider. It was painful, but she didn't change her mind. Nothing you can do at this point can bring her back..... so focus on yourself for now. Improve yourself, enjoy your life, and give her time and space to miss you. I say these things to myself constantly, because it's been a few months and I still miss my ex-gf like crazy and I want her back.... I know what you're going through.... be strong, that's all we can do right now. They'll come back one day if it's meant to be... Link to comment
DerekJason Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 She ended so she can have options and not feel guilty about hurting u.. let her go have a goodtime.. she will be thinking about u.. and when she comes back u can have a shot.. grow urself.. mind, body, financial.. don't try to get her back now.. just push her further away.. Tell u love her, have a safe trip.. and go on with ur life.. its gonna hurt but put all that energy in making urself even better.. and she will see that when she comes back and be more attracted too u.. and if not u will be in a good place to meet many great women.. My ex-gf abruptly broke up with me too. It was a shock because everything was going great.... of course I did the same thing you did... asked her to reconsider. It was painful, but she didn't change her mind. Nothing you can do at this point can bring her back..... so focus on yourself for now. Improve yourself, enjoy your life, and give her time and space to miss you. I say these things to myself constantly, because it's been a few months and I still miss my ex-gf like crazy and I want her back.... I know what you're going through.... be strong, that's all we can do right now. They'll come back one day if it's meant to be... both good nuggets of advice. Link to comment
ikermall Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 thanks for all the advice guys. She'll be back from spain in january. I guess it's really hard because you don't know what the other person is thinking, but like most people say there's nothing we can do about that. Link to comment
learning2relax Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 It doesn't matter if she is over you or not - she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you that is what is important. We all know that you can't erase someone that you had such strong feelings for, overnight. It just doesn't work that way. She will think of you. The best that you can do is to accept her choice to no longer be in the relationship and don't give her reasons to defend and justify her decision. Leave her with her decision. That will cause her to think more about if she did the right thing or not vs. you contacting her. She has her defenses up about you so contact from you will cause the defenses to be kick in to overdrive. Her having to wonder if she did the right thing will be more powerful in the long run. In the meantime, you get better about how you feel about yourself and take care of yourself. That way if she ever comes back around, you are strong, confident and displaying all the attributes that she found attractive 2.5 years ago vs. sad, lonely, etc. that you feel today - she will only feel guilt to witness that which will once again be counter productive to her realizing what she lost. Link to comment
Sim54 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 I find it strange, even though I empathise, when we want someone so badly that doesn't want us back. Logically, it doesn't make any sense. Why do we chase, or pine for someone who rejects us? In the end, we should only have people in our lives who want to be there, and those that don't we should let slip away. Of course, that's logic, and our emotions get in the way. It's clear she doesn't feel the same about you. And as others have said, there is nothing you can do about that but accept that loss and start to heal. Don't go NC for a month, that is just you trying to control the situation when you can't. Go NC indefinitely. You'll know when the right time to contact her is and it is in all reality not for a VERY long time, months to years. Sorry you are here, it sucks and it hurts, but it won't kill you. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Yeah, I definitely think she broke up so she can see other guys while she's gone. You need to disappear too and perhaps start talking again when she returns to the country. Link to comment
sti380 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 I'm going through something similiar, but I made a mistake on contacting several times after she broke up with me this week. We have a two year old son though, so I don't know how the no contact rule thing will work. I want things to work out, so I cry, and when I see my son my eyes fill up with tears, because all I can think is him not growing up with both of his parents at the same time. Why does it hurt soo much? Link to comment
1guygirl Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 we should only have people in our lives who want to be there, and those that don't we should let slip away quoted for truth.... Link to comment
ikermall Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 hmm yea i'm not all sure about what to do All i know is that right now I can't contact her since it would hurt quite a bit. What about her birthday that is in november? should i just send a simple email wishing her or what? of course i'm assuming that she doesn't contact me by then. Link to comment
Airbag Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 A birthday is not an excuse to break NC. Link to comment
Sim54 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 How many of your other ex's do you wish happy birthday to? November is ages away. Your goal here is to get over the breakup, and heal. Then, when you are feeling better and less emotional, then maybe you can't contact her. Focus on the healing first. She has de-prioritised you. You must do the same to her. Link to comment
learning2relax Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 I posted this in a different section here on ENA..... Here is the thing to remember......the best thing you can do is to not do anything! We have our heads all warped around being judged as things like immature, rude, uncaring, cold, angry, mean, etc.... if we don't reach out to acknowledge certain milestones after the breakup. What we need to remember is that when they decided that they were no longer interested in the relationship, the relieved us of those duties. I know a majority of us are seeking or hoping for reconciliation down the road. But your chances would be better by NOT communicating anything vs. reaching out to them even to acknowledge the milestone (e.g. birthday, Christmas, anniversary, etc...). Contact with the person that made the decision has the possibility to invoke guilt. Guilt has the potential for them to respond by recoiling. That would be moving in the opposite direction than you want them to be moving in if you are interested in leaving things in a state for any potential outcome that involves contact (e.g. reconciliation, friendship, etc.) So pull your head up, get back to logical thinking and stop over thinking something that is really quite simple when you see it all for what it is. And if you did see evidence after the fact that you DIDN'T contact to acknowledge the milestone....wouldn't that be evidence that there is a dent in the armor? See it for what it is vs. seeing it on the surface. Let them sit with their decision and the consequences of same and figure it out. The out come of that is much better than if they are convinced to return by the person they were trying to get away from. You never want to convince someone to be with you. Link to comment
ikermall Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 Day 12 of NC soooo freaking hard Link to comment
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