Been single for 5 years and feeling self conscious about it...(story) advice?

[tygerwolf]

Im going to try and make my story short. There's a bit more to it...I live in the south. Its fairly common to get married in your early twenties here. Left and right I feel like everyones holding their breathe for me to be in another serious relationship and eventually get married. Its been 5 years for me. I had a casual relationship/LDR (although very intimate. lasted about 6 months) a short time ago and went on a date with another guy recently. I honestly just want to date and experience people and find what I want in a man. Im looking for "the one" but im not desperate.

 

However, everyone thinks I aught to be. I live in a small town where everybody knows everybody. So everyone knows my background. Here it is.

 

My only serious relationship was 5 years ago. (although I was very young it was very serious. In fact both of our parents wanted us to marry. His family was my family and visa versa) However, he was tragically killed in a car accident. It is still the most difficult thing I have ever been through in my life.

 

So anyways, everyone naturally knew about it and felt sorry for me (and I believe some people still do). Even after 5 years, People in town are still keeping tabs on when ill be in another relationship. It makes me feel very self conscious and sad. I want one. But I wasn't even ready for one until just a couple of years ago.

 

Does anyone have any advice? When people ask me "how I am" and "if im in a relationship again yet" I get upset. My parents are always asking if ive met any great guys, ect.

 

Everyone is so impatient. I want a serious relationship again with the RIGHT man. Not just any. I want to get in a relationship because I want it. Not to prove that im over everything. Its not about that anymore.

 

*sigh*

[LicenseToLearn]

. Well, for what it's worth I respect your position and encourage you to keep it. Personally I don't really believe in casual relationships; It's not that I won't brave uncertainty to give someone a try, but if I just know it's not going to amount to anything I spare myself (and them) the inevitable pain. I'm not sure what advice I can give other than to say that I support you. Choosing a relationship for the right reasons is important and I applaud you for waiting for the right person. My mother once told me that the worst feeling in the world is to meet someone and know they're just right - except you already married someone else. My dad always asks if I have a girlfriend but my mother's always encouraged me to do what I want with my life and get married later (although of course the dynamics of my situation are different than yours). Don't choose a relationship because you're lonely, to prove something or to get everyone to shut up. Starting a relationship out of weakness in my opinion is a recipe for bad things. Pick someone because you believe they're amazing and worth everything you've got!

 

Stay strong and good luck.

[tygerwolf]

Thank you very much! I guess its just good for me to hear people outside of my hometown giving me advice. Everyone around here's just telling me to find a man...lol.

 

I wouldn't normally agree to a casual relationship. I went into it with the intentions of something more serious. But due to him having to move away for years it became casual right before he left. (it was horrible timing I guess). He was a great guy and I consider him to be one of my best friends. I think at the time it fulfilled my needs and desires (and his). It was fleeting but im glad I experienced it. I learned a lot from it but I certainly wouldn't do it again with someone else. Im looking for something more fulfilling.

 

Thanks for your encouragement. I think once im out of this town it will get easier for me. Im just sick of hearing about it. It really puts me down, being compared to everyone else when my circumstances were so different from everyone else my age. High school was quite different for me than most.

[annie24]

I would move.

 

Did you know that people who marry in their early 20s have the highest divorce rates? The fact is, if you wait to marry, you'll probably make a better choice and stay together longer. There really is no rush. Really!!! Just do what you need to do, live your life, get an education, the man will come later.

[Mystery Enigma]

I'm in the same boat, having recently left an LDR in an ugly fashion and I haven't had a serious relationship in a long time. Parents are pressuring me for no apparent reason and it's frustrating me.

 

Like annie said, consider moving... I know that the thought has crossed my mind and I'm certain that I will be out by next year. It's just not healthy for me to stay in an environment where I can't be at ease.

[tygerwolf]

I move away during school which helps a lot. But due to some financial issues in the family, I have to stay at home and work until after Christmas. At least I know that after then, I can be away and with my friends in the city. Im always much happier there. Here I get quite stir crazy and irritable even though im naturally a very happy person.

 

I'll distract myself with work until then. Once school starts back up again, it will get easier I hope.

 

Thanks everyone

[abitbroken]

Its natural for people to be concerned and you should appreciate that they are looking out for you. If people feel sorry for you or express that, tell them that you are really grateful that they are concerned, but you feel like you are a stronger person now and you know that when the time is right, you'll meet someone. BTW, it only seems like everyone marries in their early 20s. when i was that age, a big wave of people got married, but then I noticed when I was 27-30, another whole group of people I knew got married, and then now. I just didn't notice that those folks had not married because i was so focused on the pity party when i was in my young 20s.

[meoww]

I was 20 not too long ago, and I think understand. These days, I find it weird that there is this big rush to marry when it's not like life suddenly ends after your early twenties, life only gets more difficult and life becomes more and more about your duties and responsibilities. People really need time to develop confidence in their own values and trust in their judgment. I think it's much better to ease into that rather than accepting a ring from the first guy who throws one at you. I would be so unhappy if I would have married the first few guys who said they wanted to marry me.

 

I hope you meet someone who makes you want to make this commitment for the right reasons! Marriage doesn't keep partners faithful, doesn't create happy families, and it doesn't guarantee a lifetime of romance either. I believe that honeymoon period is fleeting for most people because they are in love with being in love, and they are with the wrong person.

 

This is corny but I think you'll know when you meet someone who you can create a real partnership with. There is no time limit on finding that!

[hrtlsngl7]

I'm in the same position, only 10 years later. I don't care what they think. It's a new age and the price of mistakes today are 10x worse today than when they were young. i.e. bf/gf stealing your money/identity, getting prego from a complete douchebag, catching an uncurable STD from a promisciuous mate, hooking up w/ a lazy gold-digger, bf/gf a complete jealous stalker psycho,bf/gf a lazy leech, physically/emotional abouse & black mail......yah that wasn't even a complete list.

[Stay_home]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

 

People don't realize that asking about when you'll be in a relationship again or meet someone can resurface the pain and agony from your loss. Seems like that was the one for you; so the last thing you probably would want to hear is when is somebody else coming along.

 

At 20 (counting on God's blessing) there's a lot of time for that and if in your heart you feel you simply are not ready to date, don't.