I can't heal.

[WadeCure]

Today I looked up on on my journal and saw a disturbing message.

 

link removed look under relationship comments (gets kind of explicit at times, Im sorry). There someone said that there is little hope for me to ever find a relationship. That is heartbreaking. I am still STILL broken hearted over the person I was casually dating and I am starting to hate myself for getting so emotionally attached, it makes me feel weak and vulnerable. My cousin said "it is the tenderest of hearts that easily break and stay broken." It's become a self-esteem issue. Am I just too nice? Is bullcrap like the ladder theory true? Am I too submissive for a boy? Am I just physically not attractive? (check webpage pictures of me.)

 

Good lord I'm sorry for my tirade.

 

I need a pep talk, that's very honest and very realistic. Please help. And please pray for me because I'm in a lot of pain and longing.

[life_can_be_painful]

ur not ugly. and i think the fact i have had several hot gf's is testament that looks is not the most important factor.

 

just be yourself, be friendly and outgoing and receptive to meeting new people, maybe update your wardrobe, get funkier hair and try not to be too computer geeky ^_^

 

good luck. i hope this was a bit of a pep talk

[stolenshadow]

Hello WadeCure, ok, if you love you can get hurt, it works simply.

If you get your heart broken, that's not being weak, you are human.

 

So I gave a quick look at your webpage and journal, I often ask ppl for an objective opinion on what could be wrong with me, nobody ever says anything, so I know what's like to just wonder if we're doing something we shouldn't.

 

I'll be objective here, you might not like it but I'll be VERY honest with you.

 

- I don't think you are too nice, you seem very nice but being nice or a good person doesn't has a limit, you know?.

 

- You sound like a good person, for most that looks "stupid", but for a few, the ones that matter, you're perfect being that way.

 

- You're gorgeous looking, no problem there.

 

- You look a bit shy, work on being shy but have a strong personality, you can try finding a balance, like you can know when it's time to stand up and act firmly.

 

- You have a bit of a dual personality, religious but into NIN, that might cause a bit of problems finding a girl, as it's not a usual combination (the one I gave just an example).

 

- You will find a girl that's right for you, or many, just be patient, it might not be the right time just now but it will arrive.

 

Use the experience to chose more carefully who deserves your love, and don't worry you will stop aching soon.

 

 

PS - I think your page would improve with photos of that beagle you say you have. Oh, and Maple is cute!!!.

[WadeCure]

Wow, thank you very much for the compliment. I'm feeling a bit better today, I appreciate all of your honest objective thoughts. I've never been called gorgeous looking before *blush*

 

I'm going to post more dog pictures this weekend to my site. Glad you liked it

[astraltraveler]

you're adorable and I'm sure your looks have nothing to do with it.

[astraltraveler]

You remind me bit of Kevin Spacey...you have softer features, but you could be his son. Don't let things bring you down. I know exactly how you feel. I was with a guy for 2 1/2 years and now we arent together like that anymore and it kills me. I couldn't ever imagine him in another's arms, but now I don't have control over it anymore. You just have to, in some way, take the pain and longing and turn it into strength and self love and realization. Good luck Travis

[rich46]

Hi WadeCure! I've just had a quick browse through your website and you are a good looking guy, so don't worry about that! I think everyone starts questioning what is wrong with themselves at the end of a relationship, I did it too and still am to a point. But the truth is that there is nothing wrong with you, and one day you will meet someone who appreciates you for being you. So chin up and don't change for anyone!

[WadeCure]

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I am trying to keep a very positive outlook. It just... sucks you know. I know what I did was wrong but I had an anxiety attack and I didnt realize it, but she can't see past that, all the good times we had up until that attack. I am trying not to blame myself. At the end of the day, you know I try so hard and that's all I can do, try to be the best person I can possibly be, and that's all I can be.

 

Thanks for telling me I'm good looking (never been told that before, especially the "gorgeous" one) because no one, not one person has ever said I am good looking aside from my Mom and that was always something I felt uneasy about.

 

I just wish my broken heart could mend and I could find that special someone who is more forgiving of my unintentional mistakes.

[Scout]

I think you're quite attractive with a very engaging face! I also agree that a funky hairstyle would suit you very well, and think you would look pretty nifty with a more grown-out style. But then, I change my hairstyle about three times a year, so I'm a real advocate of taking risks with the hair!

 

I also notice that family seems to be very important to you, and GIRLS REALLY LIKE THAT.

[WadeCure]

After I got off of work last night I felt extremely bad. So what do I do when I'm bad? I go driving. I put on some Cure. Namely "Same Deep Water As You." I kind of just let emotions go through my system. Is this unhealthy? When I got back to the apartment my roommates saw I was visibly shaken. My good friend came in and counseled me. He can relate. When things go well and then sudden loss. I've just been sad for way too long and I want this crap to end. But, I'll admit it's making for great song lyrics for my music project, I just feel uneasy about releasing them.

[rich46]

Each to their own I suppose, but personally when I feel down I put on some music that is more get-up-and-go than The Cure! I love listening to The Ramones or The Buzzc*cks - it really puts me in a tough, don't give a stuff mood! 8)

[royalwolf]

Sometimes anger can be great medicine. I personally have a few ways to handle those "bad days..."

 

I like to fish. If I'm feeling just melancholy, a little flyfishing on a quiet stream will put me at peace with the world. It truly is medicine.

 

I also like to shoot. I have some military style guns (I am a collector of sorts) and so I can switch between "Enemy at the Gates" precision shooting to more just plain blasting cans/bowling pins. To harness a high-powered rifle and send dirt and clay pigieons into the air is, heh, well, quite a release. The noise feels good, too.

 

If it's too late or bad weather for either of those things, a violent video game will help. I like Raven Shield. Totally fake, but loud and fast-paced, it really holds onto your attention.

 

It helps to be totally focused on something other than your emotions.

 

I know I sound like a destructive kind of guy now, but I'm not. I just know what I like. And I can't get into heavy music (metal, rap etc.) so I make my own noise.

 

Hope this helps.

[WadeCure]

This morning marked the first time I have ever, ever woke up, woke up mind you with tears running down my face crying because of a nightmare I had about my ex. I was literally crying in my sleep and well after I woke up. I am dreadfully depressed because of recent events on my journal.

 

link removed

 

I don't know how much longer I'm going to withstand all this emotional pain, now it's infesting my sleep. I wish life was simple.

 

Am I okay?

[WadeCure]

I know this is going to seem like a bump and it's not intended to be but I just want to apologize to all the members on the forum for my melodramaticness. It's true though that I did cry in my sleep. That's the first time I had ever done that and frankly that terrifies me. I just don't know. For those of you who have e-mailed me and developed a personal friendship with me, a big THANK YOU! It's meant a lot to me to just be able to discuss.

 

Thank you all so much, if more people want to e-mail, go right ahead. Thank you all.

 

There are some wonderful people here that have successfully increased my self-esteem and made me realize im not physically hideous.

[fantasia2004]

Dude you are decent looking and there is nothing wrong with you . Go out and enjoy life forget the harsh comments that people throw at you.They are jealous with fury and are only saying because they are online.