dark angel9 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Share Posted July 31, 2011 NO, I wasn't happy because I felt like he is avoiding me on purpose or doing the fade out and not just doing his own thing. Now I know this is not the case and he was indeed just doing his own thing. Therefore I am happy to go on with minimal contact until he gets back. The problem is that now he feels like he has screwed up and seems to be forcing himself to contact me more. To be honest, I only asked him "What's wrong" because I was so sure that he is going to dump me. I just wanted to know right away rather than wait another 2 weeks. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 To be honest, I only asked him "What's wrong" because I was so sure that he is going to dump me. I just wanted to know right away rather than wait another 2 weeks. Neediness and insecurity kills more relationships than cancer. If you feel calm now, then be calm. Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Share Posted July 31, 2011 Any way to fix my bout of neediness now? Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Share Posted July 31, 2011 There is another thing. I am in my early 30's now. Six months may not seem a lot to you all but it's a good chunk of time to decide if you really want to get serious with someone. If I was in my mid 20's I could chill and have all the time in the world. I want to have family one day and there is not that much time left. I need to quickly discern if someone will make a good long term partner. I need to see how he acts in different situations, to asses his consistency and reliability. I am not impressed that he would just disappear like that for days. I am now re-thinking the whole relationship. I know he cares about me - I am just not sure about "neglecting" me like that (by his own admission). Not to mention that he could have been "up to no good" during that time. This has shaken my trust in him. At the same time, I don't want to over-react. I know you need to accept some flaws.I am just not sure how much is too much. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Darkangel You are over-reacting. Your just missing him that's all. So calm down. He is overseas. That is a huge difference than him just being away locally. Why do you constantly feel like he is going to dump you? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 You are really overreacting big time (imo). He replied with a really lovely message, explained what was going on. That should have made you happy and just take up from there and carry on as usual. Instead, you go in the opposite direction, don't trust him anymore, and react in a really odd way. Give the guy a break. Basically, he's in a Catch 22 - damned if you do, damned if you don't. It seems no matter what he does, you still have doubts. Chill already. Beware of self-fulfilling prophecy. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 I am not impressed that he would just disappear like that for days. I am now re-thinking the whole relationship. I know he cares about me - I am just not sure about "neglecting" me like that (by his own admission). Not to mention that he could have been "up to no good" during that time. This has shaken my trust in him. At the same time, I don't want to over-react. I know you need to accept some flaws.I am just not sure how much is too much. OMG..you are not re-thinking you are over-thinking this whole thing. Why do you feel the need to question every little thing this guy does? Let me tell you one thing that you may never have heard before: men to not like to be on a short leash. There is a name for men who jump at every whim of their woman, and it is not a very nice name which I am sure was invented by a man. The name would be banned if I posted it here. I am sure you would not want other men to call your boyfriend by this name. You are risking loosing this boyfriend if you keep this up. I cannot put it to you other way. I sincerely hope you re-think your own behavior and give this guy a break.... Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Share Posted July 31, 2011 OK guys, I was acting a bit childish and didn't respond to his 2 texts yesterday. I have now decided not to make a big issue out of it and texted him "Good morning my love, hope you have a safe flight to . Love you." (he is now changing locations). He has sent me a couple of texts back and one of them says "I love you so much my darling". So I guess everything is OK. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 There is another thing. I am in my early 30's now. Six months may not seem a lot to you all but it's a good chunk of time to decide if you really want to get serious with someone. If I was in my mid 20's I could chill and have all the time in the world. I want to have family one day and there is not that much time left. I need to quickly discern if someone will make a good long term partner. I need to see how he acts in different situations, to asses his consistency and reliability. Whenever women get insecure I find that it's because something like this is at the root. My own personal experience is unless the guy states upfront that he's looking for marriage/a long-term relationship, it's safe to assume that it's a go with the flow situation. Like it or not, most guys don't really care about your biological clock. In fact, many are dating for companionship, fun, diversion ... not necessarily to find a life partner. For a lot of women it's: meet, chemistry and probably fall in love at some point, serious relationship, marriage, family, done. For a lot of men it's: meet, attraction/chemistry, decide if she's a sex material or gf material, hang out/date, fall in love, realize you can't live without her, then marriage. Women are much more about finding a life partner by a certain date and Guys are much more about seeing where things go and if he falls deeply in love then marriage. You see how one is more directed and the other is more "fall into it"? That is why I am somewhat wary of guys who talk about marriage in the honeymoon stage. Everybody loves each other in the honeymoon stage If they start all that talk then they get really really scared that they'll actually have to follow-through once the honeymoon stage ends and his feelings die down a bit. Now this is not all men of course. Some "know" that early. Just cautioning you here. Women in their 30s already have the stereotype of being on the lookout for baby makers. Men often assume that at your age you want marriage. It's not a trade secret. But the less you seem concerned by that 'so-called' clock, the more relaxed that they will be. "The concern" shines through in basic everyday anxiety ... worry about the relationship; insecurity about what he's doing. Just like you want consistency and reliability, so does he. He wants and emotionally consistent and reliable woman who is in control of herself, gives him freedom, and doesn't make HIM worry about the relationship. Relationships are like a fine wine ... they take time to grow and develop. And I know you are going to say "I know, I know" but I actually think this applies to every aspect of the relationship. Gradually spending more time together, getting more intimate, talking about more personal things, conacting each other ... slowly. I just see so many folks on these boards in the break up section once the honeymoon ends because the relationship went faster than he was really ready for. Link to comment
dali Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 I'd say he is having a good time, traveling is about having freedom & no responsibilities. Whether he has met someone or not you don't know. He has sent me a couple of texts back and one of them says "I love you so much my darling". So I guess everything is OK. Good to hear! Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Relationships are like a fine wine ... they take time to grow and develop. And I know you are going to say "I know, I know" but I actually think this applies to every aspect of the relationship. Gradually spending more time together, getting more intimate, talking about more personal things, conacting each other ... slowly. i totally agree with this here!! nowadays everything has to be rushed and the feelings develop soon, the sex starts soon and then the honeymoon fase wears off and the relationship ends soon, me and my BF spend years getting to know each other, took a very long time to get physical and we are still growing closer and opening up and learning about each other, we take things as they come but the love still grows....now everyone wants everythnig ASAP and soon it is over, after the first fight or first time someone does something the other one doesn't like....it's bye bye and on to the next....i never got that mentality and i like that our love is like the old fashioned ones...and we have connected to deeply that small things don't bother us, we let the other person be who they want to be, don't judge, don't fret about the little things....and it feels so much more relaxed and peaceful without all that drama....my BF is in his home country too sometimes for a few weeks, well i let him enjoy that time, and we talk every now and then but not every day, he is with his parents and old friends, they need time together as well, and when he is back we both have lots to tell and really missed each other and then really spend quality time together, no distraction....sure i miss him, but the reunion is wonderful! Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 This is lovely! I do find the traditional courtship, and getting to know each other slowly and sweetly, very romantic. I know quite a few guys who would be more than happy to take things slow with the right girl. Good luck to you. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 So I guess everything is OK. Do you really think things are OK? I can't imagine in 6 months, this is the first time you've (over) reacted like this, nor will it be the last. If you keep up the controlling behavior, he won't stick around too much longer. Your honeymoon period is almost over, so that's when he's probably not going to be so tolerant of being kept on a short leash. Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 Do you really think things are OK? I can't imagine in 6 months, this is the first time you've (over) reacted like this, nor will it be the last. If you keep up the controlling behavior, he won't stick around too much longer. Your honeymoon period is almost over, so that's when he's probably not going to be so tolerant of being kept on a short leash. This. Totally. It seems like you aren't treating this like a relationship - you aren't giving the guy the benefit of the doubt, assuming the worst, projecting your fears onto him, playing games, etc... This gets old VERY quickly. It's not as though he was ignoring you while in town. He's on a trip! Give the man a break and stop playing little games. You complained and he started contacting you more (ie gave you what you wanted) and your response was to ignore him? C'mon now. Time to grow up. Link to comment
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