Should I take time off?

[Firiel]

My husband is planning on visiting his family in the middle of August. He wants me to come along, of course, and I want to go-- the only thing that would be stopping me is my job.

 

So, the summer job I got didn't end up quite like I expected. I was told I'd get 30-40 hours a week, but it's been a lot less. Lately it's been about 15, which is a huge improvement. In order to go on the trip with my husband, I'd have to take a whole week off work. That might feel okay with me, except for that the very next week, I have to take basically the whole week off because I'm doing a workshop for a program I'm starting in the fall. Since my hours will probably continue to increase as September comes up (I work as a tutor, so my schedule rises and falls with the standardized test cycle), I don't really like the idea of taking two full weeks off right at the end of August where my hours will be the best. My husband and I really need the money... my car needs new tires, and if I can't get them, I may have to bike the 15 mile round trip every day. Plus, I already took a week and a half off work to go to a seminar/my husband was volunteering thing halfway accross the country... and that was just in the middle of June.

 

I don't know. My husband really wants me to go and thinks I'm ridiculous for being worried about my work situation, and of course I'd love to go see his family. It's like he's so careful not to mess up his own work schedule (we have to be back by the weekend because that's when he works), but mine is "no big deal." I don't know what to do.

[mdog]

Well, its not the end of the world if you take 2 weeks off in august. There will always be a job..and you even said so yourself that its not what you expected. Another thing is..if your husband is not worried about it...then why should you? Make yourself happy and go on vacation!!

[aporia14]

Have your husband pay for your tires with the money from His Job.

[Firiel]

I would, but we can't afford it right now. Our money isn't separate... it's just that taking a whole week off will greatly reduce the chances of our being able to afford new tires by the time school starts.

[mhowe]

Well, then, be the "responsible" one, stay home and save the money for the tires. You already had a vacation, you're taking the following week off for something that furthers your career.....and his family will miss you, but it's not the end of the world.

[Firiel]

See, that's what I think, but my husband is so adamantly convinced that I am worrying too much and being too responsible that I wonder if I'm crazy. He told me I need a vacation, and I told him that's what June was. Well, to be fair, it wasn't really vacation... we were busy in class/working from 7am till 8pm every day, but I made the decision to give up hope for a vacation when I decided to go down there with him.

[OptomisticGirl]

I don't think you are crazy. He's actually being rather immature about the situation. If he's worried about his job he has to worry about yours as well - especialy considering everything that needs to be paid. That would be like me having to pay for this wedding and going - well, I'm going to take 2 weeks off. It'll get paid some how. I think you should just stay at work. L and I were discussing the fact we won't always be able to vacation together yesterday and this is a prime excample of it. It's not like you are never going to see his family - in a couple of months when everything settles down and what not you can go then.

[Firiel]

Good to know someone thinks I'm not crazy! That's the way I feel. Usually, I love being married to an "it'll all work out" person because it helps balance me out. But sometimes it's so frustrating!

[OptomisticGirl]

Yeah, L is very laid back but I don't think even he would be that laid back.

[lady00]

Sounds like it makes more sense for you to stay and make money. There will be other trips to see his family in the future. I completely understand why both of you would be disappointed that you won't be able to go with him but things often get tricky when one partner makes suggestions about what the other partner should do regarding any aspect of their work. I understand that couples need to talk to coordinate vacation times but ultimately you need to do what makes the most sense for you because it is your job.

[NowandZen]

Ya know, in most marriages, one person is the CFO, so to speak. All decisions may be made jointly, but one spouse usually has the "big picture" as well as the day to day idea of how the finances are. Are you the CFO in your marriage?

[Firiel]

You know, we've only been married for a year, and things have been very crazy financially during that time (up and down while I've been looking for a more permanent job), so the problem is that we don't really have a real "system" when it comes to money yet.

 

He told me the reason he was so insistent was that he wanted to surprise me with a night at the beach for our anniversary, which is really sweet and much more understandable. We found tires much cheaper than we were expecting, so I'm going to talk to my boss and basically ask if taking a week and a half off work (we'd probably leave after Monday or Tuesday) would reflect poorly upon me. I do the same job as plenty of other people there, so I doubt I'd be leaving them in a lurch, but I'd ask about that too.