Reconciliations - only if the dumpee originally respects being dumped?

[twistedfate]

I don't think this is a good plan at all. Clearly, she's going to see that you're doing all these things to "stick around" and she's going to either get a lot more irritated or put a restraining order on you. If she has some of these hobbies, let HER go to these events and bow out of going. If you love her, you'll let her go!

 

This thread really kind of freaks me out. I know you're hurting and desperate to get her back, but this is really above and beyond anything I've ever read here. Take it from a woman-- these things are going to scare the heck out of her. NOT win her back. I've had exes do less than this and STILL freaked me out. If some guy went to these lengths to keep in touch, I'd definitely involve the police.

 

I'm not trying to be harsh, I just don't want to see you wreck your life over some girl who clearly doesn't have respect and love for you... she dumped you! There's someone better out there, I promise!!

[IceFireSoul]

@Edmund, my friend, why are you so 100% sure that nothing can ever be done provided that we HAD 1.5 years in which we shared so many things; sexually and emotionally; interests, hobbies, we were so close to each other and went through so much... Maybe she can remember all those good times.

 

In fact, I've made her an album (a book) with pictures and nice stories about all the good times. But unfortunately didn't manage to give it off to her when we still had contact. Now I should be in no contact and there is no way I can give it to her. Or maybe there is, if I come up with an elaborate plan... For example, a friend that both she and I know; "bumps" into her, and the book appears to be with him.

[Brownstone322]

The fact that you are a 29 year old man obsessing and stalking a 18 year old teen ager speaks volumes to the issues you have.

Are you serious? He's 29 and she's 18? I'm only now picking up on all that. The thought of an adult pining over -- let alone chasing -- a teenager is humiliating almost beyond belief.

 

'Course "action videos" might yet do the trick.

[WeightOffChest]

@Edmund, my friend, why are you so 100% sure that nothing can ever be done provided that we HAD 1.5 years in which we shared so many things; sexually and emotionally; interests, hobbies, we were so close to each other and went through so much... Maybe she can remember all those good times.

 

In fact, I've made her an album (a book) with pictures and nice stories about all the good times. But unfortunately didn't manage to give it off to her when we still had contact. Now I should be in no contact and there is no way I can give it to her. Or maybe there is, if I come up with an elaborate plan... For example, a friend that both she and I know; "bumps" into her, and the book appears to be with him.

So, you were 26 and had fetish sex with a 16 year old for one and a half years, basically dismissed her feelings for you as you pined for another woman, have text-terrorized her (as you have said), disrespected her wishes to be left alone, AND you're "scheming" of ways to further leave your presence on this young, impressionable girl who does not have enough life experience to make the judgment to call the authorities.

 

When this girl's severed head ends up being found in the trunk of your car, this thread will serve as proof that you've been quite malicious to her.

 

It's not that you're doing crazy things. Making yourself better and missing someone is quite normal and healthy. It's the fact that you've repeatedly ignored all attempts at advice and been deluded into the fact that you can "change" things. People who cannot accept things they cannot change develop into psychopaths, and that's what you're appearing to be, no matter how much you convince yourself otherwise.

 

But then again, if you loved her, you could just stop.

[Edmund Exley]

@Edmund, my friend, why are you so 100% sure that nothing can ever be done provided that we HAD 1.5 years in which we shared so many things; sexually and emotionally; interests, hobbies, we were so close to each other and went through so much... Maybe she can remember all those good times.

 

Because she has told you to leave her alone or she would involve the police. I dont know what part of that spells "There's still a chance for us"

[IceFireSoul]

I did leave her. I sent her a fare well message and deleted all of her contacts from everywhere in order to stop myself form contacting her.

 

All that I am looking towards is a way to keep her in my life as a friend. There are many relationships in which there is 10 years (or more) difference. And the fact that she's so young does not make me a crazy guy. The opposite - it's exactly why I couldn't ever commit to her at first; and it's why we did never have an actual intercourse; only played games, but I did not to do the THING before her being 18 and me being sure that i LOVE her.

 

So in fact; she's had her first real intercourse; most likely, already with "new guy".

 

All that I am looking towards is a way to win her friendship so that we can remember all the good times even after 20 years; rather than remaining only a memory to each other.

 

Since I am not after being WITH her anymore; you could give me an advice or an idea as of how to revert my behavior and win her as a friend. And again, I AM listening and am not going after her anymore. And no one will find her severed head anywhere and if ever anything happens to her I'll go after whoever hurt her. I love her. It looks like an obsession, but it IS love, and I will never hurt or insult her and never had, ever.

[Edmund Exley]

Ice - you need to forget friendship and anything else and leave this girl alone. If you can't accept that, and you are really serious in all this, then I suggest you seek counseling quickly.

[Mellie]

Ice, don't you see? There's no basis there for friendship. You still have your memories, but for now, you need to stop living in the past; stop living in the future, and start living in the present. If you can't accept that this is the reality, after it's reached the point where you're being threatened with the police, you really must seek help.

[IceFireSoul]

All right, so let's talk about this for a bit.

 

She used to share her everything, even her life with me. She was totally over me for all this time, and everyone knew it, and everyone who saw us told me she's my person.

 

Now things have turned upside down and she doesn't want to see me again at all. Why?

 

1.Because she "lost her feelings" for me (it's not you; things just changed) - in FIVE days, which was an enormous shock for me. The fact that I'm older then her doesn't make me a psycho or something. I am a human being as she is and no human being would be happy when dumped in that rough way form someone who really loved them. In fact no one has ever loved me like she did; nor shared my fetishes, interests and hobbies like she does - still does! But she HAS to be with "new guy". Screw it...!

 

2.EVEN that I do accept that she would lose her "undying love" for me in FIVE days; I do not have the right to even be her FRIEND?

 

Now, tell me, how many of you have ever coped with the fact of being unable to ever again hear the voice of, see the eyes of, or even chat with the one who used to share her bed with you; her life, her dreams, her everything?

 

How is an emotional human being expected to deal with the loss of his EVERYTHING? The Little Prince kills himself so to go to "his rose". Isn't it quite obvious what the book tells us? He was RESPONSIBLE for his rose. This girl is responsible for me. But she doesn't give a * * * * . How am I to feel good about it; to even cope with the fact that once i could fall asleep next to her and hear her breathing next to me; and now I can't see her in a lifetime - all of this because 1.she found someone else 2.she dumped me 3.I begged her and explained her that I really love her and it has been a mistake not to commit to her earlier

 

?

[Edmund Exley]

Ice - Is this the first girlfriend you ever had?

 

You keep asking how and why. The fact is there is no answer to either. There is only that she has made a decision that she no longer wants a relationship with you. There is no how or why, only she made a choice to move on.

[lostsoul22]

This thread has reached 9 pages and every single person posting here telling you the same thing over and over again. If you are looking for advice, then you should take the advice and put it into practise too.

 

Plans of any kind are manipulative. Use your friends to heal but do not use them like the way you intend to. In fact, you should consider asking your friends not to post/talk/mention anything about you to her or on facebook etc. Do not use this time to make plans, but use this time for youself, to heal. You really do need to calm down and I really recommend you looking through this forum, reading some posts etc. Many people here have been through what you have.

You mention that you really do love this girl. If that is so, wouldn't you want her to be happy? Think about it.

[lostsoul22]

Are you sad because the girl you loved is now gone OR are you sad that the girl who once loved and pined over you is now gone? Because, there is a difference.

[Leo78]

Ice - if you do get her back, there is hope for all of us

[Brownstone322]

You keep making the same misguided points over and over.

 

Enough of the "FIVE days" already. She's a freaking teen-ager! This is the way they think. They'll meet someone new and -- BAMM! -- they're "in love"! How can you not understand that?

 

But don't worry, she's not gonna stick with New Guy forever. On the other hand, don't take that to signify a future opening for you. Know why? Because in her 18-year-old mind, her relationship with you is "ancient history," as if it happened in a distant life.

 

By the way, when I was 27, I was screwing a 17-year-old. Hot stuff. I just had enough sense not to take the relationship seriously. She's on her second marriage now, and that's all cool by me.

[Tired Tiger]

Now, tell me, how many of you have ever coped with the fact of being unable to ever again hear the voice of, see the eyes of, or even chat with the one who used to share her bed with you; her life, her dreams, her everything?

 

Um... every single poster on this board?

[Edmund Exley]

Um... every single poster on this board?

 

Exactly, pretty much how everyone ended up here. We're all still alive too.

[NCforME]

It's tough man. But there are no short cuts. You will hit some lows over the next couple of months but it will slowly get better. We've all felt this pain and it sucks.

[novaavon]

Dude, I completely get you. I know what you are feeling. And a lot of people here are saying to let go and move on. But how do you let go of the love of your life right? I know I can't. I know my life will NEVER be as good without her than with her. I am living the worst two months of my life and I don't see any change for the future.

 

I feel I have to do everything to win her back. Even though I know the chances of succeeding are as good as nonexistent. But if I give up I am just agreeing to being unhappy for perhaps the rest of my life?

 

It's just, I think you need to have a solid plan. Something you can hold on to. And you don't seem to have a very good plan.

 

agree with you

[CMS]

Give it a lot of time, clarity will come to you, my friend. Let the 5 stages of grieving run its course. You are in the bargaining stage and its normal, but you will survive from this.

[lostsoul22]

I agree with the above poster.

Take a lot of time. Why don't you distract yourself and spend some time on other hobbies etc. Perhaps, look into traveling somewhere. Go back to being the old you. Make new friends (not dating). Go out. Take your time and grief if you have to.

[learning2relax]

If you read through a majority of threads on these boards you will also find people who thought everything was fine. Their ex that broke it off with them had recently professed their love for them. There are some where the ex told them they loved them for the first time and turned and headed for the hills. 5 days to change her feelings about you is either about her age, where she is more impulsive. The other theory that people have related is that the ex's feelings had been morphing. They try to make a significant effort and realize that they just can't do it.

[resilient7]

Hopefully you can find it in your mind to let this girl go,trust me man I know the feeling and i don't want to bash on you but STOP whatever it is that's brewing in your head.my ex just turned 18 the day after I met her and started to date her.when she broke it off I did the showing up at her house uninvited and although I didn't send 2000 messages I did turn up to her fathers job sisters job and would seek out her younger brother,damn what a mistake that was!...I ruined everything I worked for when i was with her...I was a great BF and all but my post break up behavior eclipsed all the good I had done while I was with her...I turned into a post break up jekyll!.so please just give it a rest.

[BONO]

Ice - if you do get her back, there is hope for all of us

 

Good point.

[Oneironaut]

The guy's a troll.

 

When I saw the thread title, and the original question, I figured I'd check the thread, since I'm over 5 months into thus-far successful reconciliation.

 

As I read through the thread, however, my opinion changed.

 

To the OP, if you're indeed serious, then I have to agree with whomever said you really should seek counseling, as you are combining stalking and over-analyzing to a serious extreme.

 

If hausser is right, well, good one...you managed to get the thread up to the double digits.

[Live-N-Learn]

OMG! I have not posted for awhile but after reading this thread I almost threw my computer threw the window out of frustration!

 

I am not even going to try to give any advice cuz you ain't gonna listen. Just let me know your address so I can send you letters in prison.