alot2learn Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 sorry, i don't know how to delete my post. so please excuse this edited version. Link to comment
Allium Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 I found it easier to let go when I told her I respected her decision, even if I didn't 100% felt it, I thought it was the right thing. Link to comment
IceFireSoul Posted July 29, 2011 Author Share Posted July 29, 2011 Ok, that's the best - accepting her wishes. But I didn't accept them because SHE HAS NO RIGHT to tell me that "For the hearts who love one another even death is not a separation" and then sleep with me and sink her eyes in mine and FIVE days later say "yes" to some weirdo and become his girl for ever and forever; and proceed to tell me that everything that we had is just memories. That's why I did everything in my power to forcefully bring to her attention that she loves me and can't dump me and loose everything that we shared and most importantly everything that we could've had. What to do now? Maybe the best way of reestablishing contact is through a "chance" meeting that's orchestrated by me? Maybe in 6 months; and close to the same season/time of the year when we initially met? Link to comment
WeightOffChest Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 I think if you collect enough of her hair and then make a doll out of it, she might be touched by the gesture! "I made this for you..." Link to comment
madine Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 Dude, I completely get you. I know what you are feeling. And a lot of people here are saying to let go and move on. But how do you let go of the love of your life right? I know I can't. I know my life will NEVER be as good without her than with her. I am living the worst two months of my life and I don't see any change for the future. I feel I have to do everything to win her back. Even though I know the chances of succeeding are as good as nonexistent. But if I give up I am just agreeing to being unhappy for perhaps the rest of my life? It's just, I think you need to have a solid plan. Something you can hold on to. And you don't seem to have a very good plan. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 Dude, I completely get you. I know what you are feeling. And a lot of people here are saying to let go and move on. But how do you let go of the love of your life right? I know I can't. I know my life will NEVER be as good without her than with her. I am living the worst two months of my life and I don't see any change for the future. I feel I have to do everything to win her back. Even though I know the chances of succeeding are as good as nonexistent. But if I give up I am just agreeing to being unhappy for perhaps the rest of my life? It's just, I think you need to have a solid plan. Something you can hold on to. And you don't seem to have a very good plan. A. There's no plan that will make someone who no longer wants to be with you come back to you. B. If there were such a plan, it would be too late for it now. Link to comment
ngu11 Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 A. There's no plan that will make someone who no longer wants to be with you come back to you. B. If there were such a plan, it would be too late for it now. Edmund is without doubt a respected poster with a lot of sound advice however, I happen to disagree and i think there is a plan that you can use... Link to comment
IceFireSoul Posted July 29, 2011 Author Share Posted July 29, 2011 So be so bitter? I mean, think about yourselves. Let's say that you LOVED a girl (And I mean like REALLY). She never committed to you; so you've finally fell out of love. She goes crazy and sends you 2000 sms messages. You tell her to bug off forever. Later on, wouldn't you want to see her again? After "the dust settles"? After all, it's just text messages! It's not threatening her in any way; it's not stalking her physically; and it was only LOVE in my messages; even in our last skype conversation she got mad simply because I was romantic with her, tried to remember her some of our memories and told her to not be angry at me for missing one night when we were together... stuff like that. And she cut my head for it. So what if the other guy fails? Maybe she could get in tears how much I loved her and actually start thinking of me, provided that I've gone NC? (which I did as of yesterday after sending her a fare well message). Link to comment
madine Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 There's no plan that will make someone who no longer wants to be with you come back to you. True. But you can plan your behaviour. If you just text, call and send love letters when ever you feel like it you can end up behaving like IceFireSoul. I've laid down some ground rules for myself on how to communicate towards her so I do not overdo it and cook my own goose. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 Edmund is without doubt a respected poster with a lot of sound advice however, I happen to disagree and i think there is a plan that you can use... Well please enlighten us to it then Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 So be so bitter? No, heal and look for the next person to come into your life I mean, think about yourselves. Let's say that you LOVED a girl (And I mean like REALLY). She never committed to you; so you've finally fell out of love. She goes crazy and sends you 2000 sms messages. You tell her to bug off forever. Later on, wouldn't you want to see her again? After "the dust settles"? After all, it's just text messages! It's not threatening her in any way; it's not stalking her physically; and it was only LOVE in my messages; even in our last skype conversation she got mad simply because I was romantic with her, tried to remember her some of our memories and told her to not be angry at me for missing one night when we were together... stuff like that. And she cut my head for it. You are ignoring the fact that she no longer wanted to be with you before the 2000 messages. It has nothing to do with the dust clearing after 2000 messages, it has more to do with the fact that she decided before that she no longer wanted to be with you. The 2000 messages most likely confirmed it for her. She didnt end it because of the 2000 messages, she ended it for reasons before that. So what if the other guy fails? Maybe she could get in tears how much I loved her and actually start thinking of me, provided that I've gone NC? (which I did as of yesterday after sending her a fare well message). What if it fails and she never looks back to you, but chases him the way you are trying to chase her. Where does that leave you? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 That's why I did everything in my power to forcefully bring to her attention that she loves me and can't dump me and loose everything that we shared and most importantly everything that we could've had. What to do now? Dude, she obviously did NOT love you, nor does she love you right now, and yes, she CAN dump you, and DID dump you. You gave her more than enough reason to dump you and after what you did, you cannot reasonably expect her to want you back. In fact, you only have yourself to blame for how things stand right now. She's told you in no uncertain terms to leave her alone. What part of "LEAVE ME ALONE" don't you understand?? Link to comment
IceFireSoul Posted July 29, 2011 Author Share Posted July 29, 2011 She will never chase anyone, because she is extremely mature (even provided that she is 11 years younger than me, and I am 29). So, she is super young! And there is time for her to see that no one else is like me, no one else shares our fetishes and sexual desires, nor will share all of her hobbies and interests like I do! I just need a plan! And I have this plan: -Not contact her ever intentionally -Buy a car. A jeep actually; so that it will relate with her love for the mountains -Get a great apartment; invite over friends that are common for me and her and she'd see pictures of my new jeep/place on facebook from them -Rock at my job and save money -Start working out vigurously and get in a better shape than ever -Get an actioncam and start posting action videos of me doing fun stuff on FB/forums where she goes -Keep posting positive postings in a facebook site that we are both the admins of; so she'll see those on her wall -Start guitar lessons; get a guitar (I play the piano very well already). Appear with a guitar at gatherings where common friends may be. -Become more of the man I used to be when we first met -Spend time with friends that I know might post videos/pics in FB so that she will be constantly seeing me; even though we're "done" -Arrange a "chance" meeting in a few months (3-6) and try to chat her up, acting as if I don't care and am simply "allowing myself" to do it after all that happened. The meeting will happen somewhere outside; and with the only one intention of becoming friends. I have one additional idea as well : Get on a forum where she posts with a fake personality and befriend her. This will give me the chance to talk to her in the future; and as I'll never accept meeting her from this new personality; I'll be able to remain in her life - yes, as a friend - but I'll at least know she's well and will be able to help her if one day she really needs it. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 I can only very very strongly recommend intense professional counselling/therapy for your many issues. This is NOT normal behaviour by any standards. Get help. Are you really 29 years old?? Link to comment
CMS Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 You know what? I like most of your plans with one little modification, do it for yourself and not for her. Do all those for yourself, get yourself back. I cant tell you if you are going to get her back, no one can, but you know who has a better shot at it a year down the road? the old you, the old charming you, my friend. Right now you are not the you that she fell in love, you are this pathetic begging shell of yourself, no one wants to be with that dude. Become yourself again, the old, confident man that she fell for, and you will have a better chance at getting her back or get another good girl. Lastly, for the love of god, take off those rosy glasses you are seeing her through, take her down the pedestal, take the power back. Get yourself back, it works. Trust me Link to comment
lostsoul22 Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 Save money, work out, learn how to play a guitar, buy a car all that but do this only for yourself. Link to comment
IceFireSoul Posted July 29, 2011 Author Share Posted July 29, 2011 Thanks for all the advice. I do appreciate it. But still, 1.Why it would be crazy to want to get back the girl of your dreams back; and not only, but at least get your best friend back in your life; and be able to remember all of those memories together with her down the road; rather than having cut contact forever... 2.Maybe the ONE thing that I will never be able to do again is - we used to share our super-strange sexual fetishes 100% down to the last crazy weird detail; we used to write those down for hours over skype; or trying things out in person and it was amazing; I've dreamed to share * * * * part of me for REAL for 29 years and I could - with her - one and only, because it's too weird and specific, and then bam - she comes - and shares it all to the last detail. And now she's gone; and me, neither she can ever again experience all of this... How do you get over that? Link to comment
Wildcars Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 No, don't do that.. Get your lessons, improve on yourself.. But don't let her see what you doing.. have nothing to do with her.. She needs to miss you.. And most impotant, she needs to come back to you ON HER OWN! Link to comment
IceFireSoul Posted July 29, 2011 Author Share Posted July 29, 2011 But how/why would she ever come back after she believes I "stalked" her? I want her to remember our amazing GOOD times; how we used to share mountains, music, literature, and very importantly - those amazing sexual fetishes that she said numerous times she wants to keep sharing FOREVER - and I know that she is not sharing those activities/thoughts/mind games with her current partner. But she is STILL with HIM and not me and even came to the point of asking me to leave her alone; just to be with this guy. He's 18 as she is! How can an 18 override ME; who is 29, mature, has great job and can give the World for her? I can't get it... Help me. Link to comment
lostsoul22 Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 I think you need to detach yourself from the situation. It's good that you started No contact, this will help. But, please stick to No contact. Over time, you'll look back and be able to see the entire situation clearly. But, you need to allow yourself to do this. Link to comment
IceFireSoul Posted July 29, 2011 Author Share Posted July 29, 2011 Well, I already see the situation all too well. I just want to change it. -Girl and boy meet each other -Girl falls in love; guy is reluctant, keeps looking openly for another girl; lets girl know that he's not ready/doesn't look for what girl is; girl cries 1.5 years -In the last 5 months guy starts to realize girl really loves him and starts to like her; by the end - love her, but still doesn't tell her (is afraid to) -Girl decides she has enough; another guy comes in the picture and she makes a move on him; building strong emotions quickly (in less then 2 weeks they are "together"; including on facebook and everyone tells girl she never looked so happy) -Guy realizes without girl life is not the same; girl has been an integral part and the best thing guy ever had. He tries to talk to girl, but she refuses; later on accepts to be only friends. Guy uses this as a means of reconciliation. Girl senses that and tells guy to go away. Finally; -Girl is super happy with her new man, who is at her age, they can go everywhere, she doesn't need to lie to her parents about the age of Guy anymore; and it's a new love that she thinks is the world for her -Guy, alternatively; is dumped, told not to ever contact her again and is buried in misery What is guy to do to reverse this? Link to comment
CMS Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 Those are very logical things you said, but friend, when it comes to love and relationship and attraction, nothing is logical. Constantly bombarding her with "sweet" texts is not going to get her to think of you more fondly, constantly putting a girl on a pedestal and continue to go on like she is the most important thing in your life is not going to create attraction, and constantly begging her to take you back is definitely not creating attraction. I understand that you wanted to all those things because its the logical thing to do, but when it comes to attraction, you have to do the direct opposite, do the counter-intuitive things. Be confident, mature man with boundaries attracts women. Be non-chalant and mysterious and not completely available attracts women. Think about it my friend. You said you wanted to remind her of the good times you had, that can be achieved without you doing anything, by just disappear for a long time you allow her memory to erase the bad part and left behind the good parts, counter-intuitive right? but its part of human nature to remind the good times and blocks out the bad times. I challenge you to do the counter-intuitive, my friend, leave her alone and let the universe unfold. But seriously, talk to people if you need to, I have been where you are at, pm me if you want. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 So your trying to rationalize the emotions of a 18 year old girl. You do realize she is still emotionally immature and may have not even realized what love means yet when she told you all the things you keep repeating to yourself. The fact that you are a 29 year old man obsessing and stalking a 18 year old teen ager speaks volumes to the issues you have. Seriously, you think buying a car is going to get her back? Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 there is nothing you can do Link to comment
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