Oasiswater Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 My girlfriend (or ex, I don't really know WHAT to call it) and I have been discussing getting back together almost a month of NC. I've been testing the waters for the last 3 days after she came begging. Day 1: Everything was AMAZING. felt like she totally understood where we both went wrong. She initiated communication, had lots to say to me (normal discussion about her life, her friends, her work, etc.). Day 2: No communication at all. Sent her a text, no reply. Day 3: Sent her a text asking how she was that morning, got a "I'm good, omw to work." Replied, nothing else for the rest of the day. I've been reading some of the communication I had with her on the day of the reconciliation (I'll call it day 0), and here are some of the things she said to me that kinda worry me. you deserve to be with someone that can give the kind of love that you give i feel awful giving you hopes of repeating our glory days, when the girl from our glory days is long gone im a big wreched demon what self worth? what life? i am a coward. im so full of misery. i dont want to drag anyone down with me. i want to dewll, alone, lonely and cold I am a f***ing failure. i dont know how to make it not fail. look at everything. look at my whole life. its a f***ingmess. i ruin everything, and i try so ahrd to tell myself im going somewhere and im not. im not going anywhere. everything i touch turns to stone. the mess i make is piling up as my life moves on i battle with my demons day in and day out. they eat me alive. i am a demon and all i want is to drag you down with me because im too weak to let you go and let you grow What do you guys think about this? Especially the last item on the list? Any input is really GREATLY appreciated. Link to comment
Snowy Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 It's a bit contradictory don't you think? She says she can't let you go, but her actions are telling you otherwise. Chances are, all the self blaming are just meaningless excuses she makes so you can break up with her. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I would RUN so fast you wouldn't see me for dust. I can't imagine having a good, successful or healthy relationship with this girl. She brings you down with all her negativity. Can you imagine living your life like this? Link to comment
bichin Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I think it's all a front. She wants you to accept her warts and all. So would anyone, but others don't dare you to. lol Link to comment
Kitkat973 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 She sounds very dramatic. It's up to you, but I personally would want a certain modicum of emotional maturity from someone I was going to be in a relationship with. Link to comment
Hubble Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Well if you really want a relationship, and don't mind working for it, I would say take it very slowly... I once dated a girl who did something similar, apparently I found out from a friend she was testing me to see if I truly cared and would stay with her despite her 'daemons' ...I got the f**k out of there. I didn't really care all that much because it was so early in the relationship... Link to comment
learning2relax Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 These statements are similar to what my ex said to me from time to time when we were in a relationship. We reconciled once after a 6 week break apart. In the end, he wasn't in a good place, I couldn't change that and he broke up with me as a result. Proceed with caution! I haven't had a good experience with this at all. If he ever did come back around (which I have written off as a non-possibility) I can't see myself putting myself through the heart wrenching pain again. When someone is that broken, no one and nothing other than themselves with willingness and absolute commitment to healing can solve for their issues. No matter how perfect you are. In fact, that just makes it worse for them. May cause them to dump us faster. You have heard of fight or flight? Flight is what they do when they don't have the will or desire to fight and we can't motivate them to do so and have to stop fooling ourselves that we can. It isn't that we are not important to them. We may be the most important to them. If they are drowning in self loathing, there is simply nothing you can do. Nothing. Period. I wish you the very best. It is one tough path to venture down. Be very protective of your heart. Link to comment
learning2relax Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I meant to also add, that if he came back and had committed to healing and was significantly down that path and moved off of self loathing to accepting himself on the way to learning to love himself and to allow himself to be loved, that I could find myself considering - as far as a relationship is concerned. If he is in the same place, I simply am a temporary distraction that will lose its luster and I will find myself on the outside looking in - again. Can't do it again. Just can't. I love him too much and myself enough to not watch the self deprecation and destruction as well as experience my heart getting ripped to shreds. I hope that makes sense..... Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 It's her way out, so that if you get back together and she's awful she can say: well I TOLD you I was terrible. It just sounds like she's throwing herself one huge pity party rather than taking real responsibility for her contribution to the breakup. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I so don't get how everything was amazing on day 1 --- it sounds like she doesn't have a clue and I agree with Magnoliatree...she isn't taking ANY responsibility for her part. Link to comment
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