Snowy Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 So recently I've noticed a number of threads regarding post-break up situations associated with Facebook. Seriously, social networking sites are an utter nightmare and many dumpees don't realize that. Many use sites like Facebook to keep tabs in their ex and secretly hope that their ex makes a status update saying they regret the break up or something along those lines - but the truth is, that status update will never come and the dumpee's hope just gets crushed over and over. Despite this, some people STILL persist. To all the dumpees (maybes some dumpers too) out there finding a tough time healing/moving on, ask yourself honestly: - Do you still pine over your ex? - Do you still check your ex's profiles on facebook/twitter etc.? (Now don't lie to yourself. Sometimes you want to trick yourself into thinking "oh I only look at it once a week, that doesn't count". NO, even if you have the slightest interest to open up their profile, this applies to you.) If you are a "yes" for any of the above, then I ask you to go on Facebook/whatever social site and BLOCK your ex. Save yourself the pain and do what is best for you to move on. I can't stress how crucial it is and how much easier moving on will be if you block them. I promise you - you won't regret it. Link to comment
hello678 Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 nope, I blocked her. I also blocked her new partner. They don't really exist now. Link to comment
lana111 Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 agreed, it really is the best thing to do. Link to comment
Snowy Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 nope, I blocked her. I also blocked her new partner. They don't really exist now. Nice. It's much better having them blocked right? Link to comment
LTS48 Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 I'm still not in agreement on this one. My ex is still my "friend" and even though there have been a few (rare) instances of me getting upset over something I saw its nothing I can't handle. Also, contrary to popular belief, I have steadily lost my interest in looking at her profile and nowadays look at it as much as any other friend's profile. I just think its kind of petty and lets them know that you can't handle your life while being reminded of them. If you really loved them you would be happy irregardless of what you saw on their page. I know I am. According to her status updates/blog posts the new guy is everything she ever wanted. Can't argue with that Link to comment
1m50L0nl3y Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 I deleted my ex 3 years ago thanks to that now we can talk as friends and no hard feelings at all. I wouldnt add her because i know the "social feed" would haunt me day and night and the good feelings we have for eachother would vanish. Link to comment
iBroken Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 I deleted my ex 3 years ago thanks to that now we can talk as friends and no hard feelings at all. I wouldnt add her because i know the "social feed" would haunt me day and night and the good feelings we have for eachother would vanish. Same here - I blocked her right after the BU. I was in NC until about March of this year - from there, we talked some things out and have since readded each other on Facebook. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 i blocked the ex and all her close friends. I don't need to keep tabs on her nor does her friends need to keep tabs on me. Link to comment
CMS Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Contrary to popular opinion here, I did not block or delete my ex or any of her friends from facebook, I merely hide her status updates from newsfeed and I have no inclination to check her profile nor have I checked her profile ever. Snowy, I answered no to both of your question and I know I am going to be fine with my approach. I am going on my life enjoying every moment I can, if she wants to keep tabs on me thats her problem. ps. to the people with weaker willpower that can not stop themselves from checking your ex's facebook profile, do yourself a favor and delete or block them, its for your own good. Link to comment
deavyin Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 I wish I could follow this advice. I can't see my ex's page but her siblings and her parents have open pages. Also the new guy has parents with open pages too. I admit that i'll look at their pages to see if they comment on her photos or status updates. Hasn't happened yet but I realized that even the slightest thing can set you back. For instance, a new profile pic of him at the golf tournament in florida we were supposed to go to together. A profile pic of her at a bar out in DC that I know of that she was at with him (since he lives there and she lives out here an hour away from the city). Even who they friend can kill you. He has already friended both her parents and she has friended both of his. Just knowing that is too much because it proves that they have met each other's families. I with I had the strength to just block her and never look at that stuff again. I've been trying but I collapse and check. We are complete NC now but I have to see her everyday at work. I get so obsessed because the longer I go without talking to her (which has been 8 days now) the harder it seems to get and I always thought that NC was supposed to make things easier. I check facebook, see something I shouldn't and then get really upset and depressed and become even more obsessed about her and it just starts this horrible spiral. Sometimes I don't know what to do. I don't know how to let go. but you are right: you need to block them all on facebook. Link to comment
ungauged Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Currently contemplating whether or not to delete her off facebook after reading your post deavyin. I can imagine the amount of distress and insanity you went through or are going through now. Knowing when to let go seems to be the hardest thing to do, yet it's so simple in theory. Link to comment
deavyin Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 it's one of those easier said than done things. Doesn't help that I work with my ex and see her on a daily basis. I can tell you that it's been extremely painful to see this stuff. Maybe this will help you not make the same mistakes I have made which have held me back from letting go and healing 1. after she left for him she started posting pics of him on facebook with the caption 'awesome boyfriend' 2. the roommate (who is also a coworker of ours) quickly added him to facebook 3. her sister added him to facebook within 2 weeks of the BU 4. her mutual friends that i have met started adding him to facebook 5. i saw a pic from a charity golf event she was away on for a week with him in it 6. she added his parents to facebook 7. our company owns another company that is directly connected to ours. This company specializes in fire arms training, mma training and fitness training. These are all free to employees and I found out that she has been bringing him to the fitness training classes on saturdays and pretty much everyone has met him 8. i just found out from a well meaning coworker that she is out for the entire week on vacation with the new guy each one of these things has been truly devastating to find out. Each one has set me back tremendously in my healing and has made me obsess of her so much that I just can't let go and it's been 3 months since the break up. don't make the same mistake that I have made. You don't want to see this info. Even seeing 'ex has added new guys parents as friend' is enough for you to say "oh crap...she has already been introduced to his family". Seeing profile pics he comments on about how hot she is or whatever is enough to send your day spiraling downward. each time I see one of these things I nearly break down and all I want to do is go and drink away my sorrows because it's either that or sit in my room all night, alone, crying my eyes out... Link to comment
6yeardumped Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 As soon as I unfriended my ex and all her family members and common friends (from her side) I started feeling better (after 6 days of NIC). 4 days later, I was still checking her profile photo and total number of friends, so I blocked her as well. I know I can unblock and check it again, but I just dont feel like doing it, because I realize how much better Im feeling now... Also, I asked my father (her friend on FB) to change his password, because I was the one setting it up, and after unfriending her I was going through his account to see her stuff (only for 2 days). As soon as he changed his password, another wave of relief came... Conclusion: unfriend, block, CUT ALL TIES! It will serve 2 purposes: 1. You will only start healing when you know NOTHING from the dumpers life. NOTHING! 2. On the other hand, since (in my case) we had a very clean BU (letting go with love), I know she was also checking my FB profile. By blocking her, I cut ALL sources of information in my life (she can't even see my profile pic anymore). We have no common friends now, no one passing her info about me. She won't be upset because I warned her that I might be doing this when we last met (she cried when I said that I might do it, but she understood my decision). Will this help anything? Yeah, by knowing nothing about me, by feeling confused as she said she was, and somehow feeling guilty for this BU after 6 years (caused by 20 months LDR but with me coming back 3 weeks post BU and finding out she had an immediate GIGS/rebound), and despite me saying "dont feel guilty, learn to forgive yourself and others, etc...", her curiosity will increase day by day...even with the GIGS/rebound dude around, my absence in her life will increase my presence in her head. So, CUT ALL TIES! Its a tough decision, but it is the best one, such as NC! Link to comment
Meriem Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 My answer is no to both questions, I don't use facebook much and rarely does he uses his as well, I never check his facebook ever, and I don't check mine that much either However he was the worst dumper ever he treated me horribly I really dislike him, do I have to delete? Thing is I don't even wana be anywhere near his profile page! Deleting and blocking him means I have to open his facebook profile right? The only reason I didn't defriend is because I don't wana deal with it & I never check his profile anyway , (or mine) Link to comment
motleylou Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 I see both sides of the coin on this one but decided to stay friends with my ex. My reason were that in the beginning I was not ready I looked at her page a lot and it did set me back to see that she was out having fun, but it gave me hope to look at her pictures. After about a month of this I was slowly losing interest in it all together and the last time I checked I found out she was in a new relationship. This actually helped me rather than hurt, if she can get into a new relationship so quick then that's not someone I want to be with anyway. Since that day almost 3 weeks I have not checked her page more than twice. I now have NO desire to check it. I did block her and her friends new status and picture updates so I don't ever see whats going on unless I click on her page. I almost look at it more like a challenge at this point, she hasn't defriended me, so she's obviously ok with it and so shouldn't I. I feel like at this point 10 weeks post breakup that I would look weak like I can't handle not looking at her page. I don't want her to think that I can't stop looking at her page, I want her to think that i'm indifferent towards her and don't care either way. I did take down all our pictures and so didn't she, that was just too much for me. I will say though had I been back at week 1-6 I would honestly recommend deleting it or blocking her until you're ready to better deal with things. It was pretty brutal and I did set myself back a lot of times by looking at her and what she was doing. But if you are adamant about staying friends for whatever reason. Set small goals, first say ok If I can go 3 days without looking at her profile then I will give myself 5 minutes to look at it. Then then next goal is a week, 2 weeks and suddenly by the end of the second week for me I went " Why the hell do I even want to look at her page anymore." That's when I knew I would be ok and have gotten over the whole thing. But it does take a lot of will power and until week 6 post BU I was not ready to do that. Link to comment
Snowy Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 My answer is no to both questions, I don't use facebook much and rarely does he uses his as well, I never check his facebook ever, and I don't check mine that much either However he was the worst dumper ever he treated me horribly I really dislike him, do I have to delete? Thing is I don't even wana be anywhere near his profile page! Deleting and blocking him means I have to open his facebook profile right? The only reason I didn't defriend is because I don't wana deal with it & I never check his profile anyway , (or mine) Once again I need to remind people: I am telling people to block their ex for their profit. If you have moved on and your ex's profile doesn't hinder you in your healing, great, you can still block him but that wasn't my point. Link to comment
tazunemono Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I don't block my ex-wife, I merely hide her status feed (as someone already mentioned). She occasionally posts wonderful pictures of our kids and I love seeing these. Heck, I even "like" some of them. Then again, I have zero "romantic" feelings for her, and am completely over the relationship. YMMV. Another thought: I keep my ex-girlfriends on FB as well Sometimes I get invited to cool stuff because of them. Who knew? Link to comment
hello678 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Nice. It's much better having them blocked right? definitely. If you have them as a friend you'll just check their profile regularly. It will prevent healing. Link to comment
hello678 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 The thing is, you have two options in a breakup. You either move on and get on with your life, or you obsess over what they're doing. I had to deal with similar circumstances and if anything it pushed me to get her out of my life. Facebook will never help, but getting your hopes up for their life to be miserable won't either. Link to comment
Danny77 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 SNAP! and SNAP! oy, Isn't it funny checking her total number of friends!!! hahaha And looking for that change of profile pic.... Jeeez what was I thinking! Blocked and do NOT want to unblock. AMEN! Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I'm not on any real social networking sites, but I'd never do that. Some practice NC; I practice CC--Constant Contact. I talk with one ex at least once a day, while I talk with the other once or twice a week. Link to comment
Danny77 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I don't block my ex-wife, I merely hide her status feed (as someone already mentioned). She occasionally posts wonderful pictures of our kids and I love seeing these. Heck, I even "like" some of them. Then again, I have zero "romantic" feelings for her, and am completely over the relationship. YMMV. Another thought: I keep my ex-girlfriends on FB as well Sometimes I get invited to cool stuff because of them. Who knew? Then this doesn't really apply. When anyone reaches that stage then it is safe to refriend. That's the point. To get to this stage. Link to comment
Destiny2112 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Agreed, blocking ex's on fb is the best thing to do! Blocking my ex was definetely progressing my healing. It wasn't until I deleted and blocked him that I finally, truly started healing!! Link to comment
Snowy Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 I'm not on any real social networking sites, but I'd never do that. Some practice NC; I practice CC--Constant Contact. I talk with one ex at least once a day, while I talk with the other once or twice a week. Teach me how to CC please. Link to comment
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